Somewhere between life and death
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: Edward and his wife get a divorce, just after something terrible, something life shattering happens. Cue Bella! Is Bella’s strong heart and never ending compassion enough to fix this broken man?
1. The beginning of the end

Disclaimer ~ Don't own anything Twilight but thanks to the great Stephenie Meyer I know have some amazing characters to play with.

**First of all I want to give a BIG thanks to my amazing Beta ****Zombie's Run This Town. She has been the absolute best putting up with my rambling and helping me get the words all right so I could edit and re-post this chapter without all the crummy boo boos!**

**Somewhere between life and death**

**Prologue **

January 15, 2009

Bringgg Bringgg… Bringgg Bringgg.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Did the phone have to have such a high pitch screeching sound? I would really have to look into getting a phone where the ring tone could be changed.

"Hello."

"Hey Audrey."

"Yep I have all her stuff packed and we are just loading the car now."

"What are you talking about? What do you mean you're not coming? This is a 'family vacation' and in order for it to be that we need the whole family to be there."

"No, I demand an explanation. Please tell me, what is more important than going to the Dominican with your husband and daughter?"

"Wh…How can this be…? No you can't be serious...I can't fucking believe you Audrey…you know what fuck you! Isabelle and I will go and when we get back, you better explain this to her. I hope you enjoy your frolic with fuck nuts."

The phone slammed against the wall as I fell to the floor in a heap. Tears fighting their way to the surface of my sad, green eyes. "I should have known this would happen. I should have listened to my Mom, or my sister, or…heck to anyone that has ever met me and Audrey." I ranted to myself.

"Daddy, why are you on the floor." A soft little voice questioned curiously.

I quickly swiped at my eyes to hide any evidence of my breakdown; my daughter was now face to face with me. Her little hand rising to rub my cheek. I smiled; she really was the most perfect child any man could ever ask for. So caring and gentle and kind and observant and…well the list just goes on and on doesn't it?

I opened my arms and coddled her while gently brushing a few stray locks of shiny auburn hair from her eyes.

"Mommy can't make it for our trip, so it will be just the two of us. Is that okay with you sweet heart?" I questioned cautiously. Audrey was the tramp traipsing around town with various other men she obviously thought herself above everyone else so she could be the one to break this innocent girls poor heart. NOT ME. I wouldn't do it. I couldn't do that to her.

"As long as you are there Daddy I am sure it will be a great trip." I couldn't control the look of pain on my face no matter how hard I was trying. A part of my word had just been ripped from me, and the saddest part of it all was I should have seen it coming, but man was I blind to Audrey's behavior.

I had met Audrey back in college. I had little to no interaction with the girls at school. I was too busy. I was taking double my course load trying to finish early so I could help my father run the family business 'Cullen Medical Inc.'

I had always worked there throughout my high school years. Helping here and there, pretty much wherever I was needed but, I planned on one day taking over the company when my father was ready to retire. And with that title comes specific obligations and one hell of an education.

I needed, business and Finance classes, and a massive amount of advanced biology and chemistry classes as well. I was even taking an outside nursing course at the nearby community college on the side.

And being twenty years old and still a virgin didn't really leave me the most experienced man when it came to woman and what to look for and what to run from.

I ran into Audrey at the library one night. Literally, I was reaching for a book on one of the top shelves as she was passing by me. I knocked a bunch of the books from the shelf and consequentially a few hit her. Needless to say she wasn't very happy with me as I fumbled for words of apology while trying to help her up off the floor without dropping the stack of books that were currently in my arms on her as well.

After she was done telling me off she wiped at her pants and finally looked at me. She immediately smiled and apologized profusely for being so rude- claiming she was just surprised by the incident.

From that day on I found myself bumping into her here there and everywhere really. On campus and off campus. At the coffee shop. At the grocery store. I wondered if she had always frequented these places and I had just never paid enough attention to notice her. Finally about a month later she asked me out. To say I was shocked would be a lie I was outright flabbergasted.

This girl, this gorgeous girl wanted to date boring old me. WOW. She told me her name was Audrey and again apologized for her curt behavior when we first met. I took a moment to really look at her before I answered her. She was tall for a girl, probably close to 5"10 and had insanely long legs, she was thin but not too thin and with all the right curves in all the right places, she likely wore a size 7.

She had shoulder length, curly auburn hair that bounced whenever she talked or moved, and the most piercing blue eyes I had ever seen. Maybe she was wearing contacts, yeah that would explain those eyes. I didn't dare ask her though. To sum it up she was gorgeous, model like gorgeous. So what the hell was she doing asking someone as plain and boring and un- model-like like me out?

I had no clue but even though I had absolutely no experience with girls, I still wasn't stupid enough to question it.

I put on my warmest smile and nodded yes. I wasn't so sure what bright words I might blurt out in my daze so I decided it best to just keep my mouth shut.

My whole family warned me Audrey was bad news, telling me she was only with me for my money, and my family's name. Telling me she was cheating on me and couldn't be trusted. Even my mother was cold to her and my mother liked absolutely everyone. She was just that lighthearted, soft kind of person. Always seeing the good in everyone, never holding the bad against them, she always taught me to trust people and humanity but to be cautious along the way.

Not six months after we started dating Audrey came to me in tears, telling me she was pregnant and begging me to forgive her. Of course I forgave her. There was nothing to forgive. It was both of our doing. We should have been more careful. We had only had sex once about a month before she told me she was pregnant it had been my first time but not hers.

She had been pushing me for months to give in and have sex with her but I was always taught not to necessarily save it for marriage but at least save it for someone you were truly in love with. Don't get me wrong I had feelings for Audrey, but love? No I never truly loved her. I guess even back then a part of me knew I should not trust her with something as precious as my heart and I was right!

Within the last five years we had gotten married, a quickie marriage at city hall. My parents had made Audrey sign a pre-nupt. against my wishes. It was that or they cut me out of their lives completely (well at least where anything financial was concerned) Audrey had immediately argued their side and convinced me she was okay with a pre-nupt.

We then had Isabelle she was three weeks early and joined the world and our family at 6:09 am, on February 21, 2003 weighing 7 lbs and 3 ounces. She was the most beautiful, precious being I had ever seen and I knew the very moment I saw her no one could ever hold my heart the way she did.

Over the years, Isabelle and I saw very little of Audrey. She always claimed work was too busy, she was a clothing designer at some big firm downtown and thought she was better than every other employee there. Therefore she always had to oversee any decision to make sure no one fucked anything up (as she liked to so eloquently put it).

My sister Alice had flipped her lid and screamed and yelled at me till she was blue in the face, insisting Audrey was having an affair and demanding I start acting like a man and toss her to the curb(Alice's words not mine) I however wouldn't have that. She was the mother of my beautiful, perfect daughter after all, and that had to mean something, didn't it?

So for the last three years we have barely slept in the same bed and had definitely not been intimate but I really didn't care, sex was never something I had learned to enjoy anyways. It always seemed like more of a chore than anything else and yes I know that sounds weird especially coming from a man, but until you have sex with Audrey you just have to shut your mouth, smile, nod and take my word for it.

Then today she calls, CALLS for fuck sakes. She couldn't even come home and tell me in person. What a selfish bitch and tells me she has been having an affair for quite some time now and has decided to move in with him and divorce me. She went so far as to tell me she already had the divorce papers drawn up and she was sending a messenger to the house within the hour to have me sign them.

She made me an offer she knew I couldn't refuse, since there was a pre-nupt. She wasn't entitled to any of my family money so she didn't ask for that. She even told me to keep the house. She said she would keep her car and I could keep mine. She didn't have any grounds to ask for alimony without dragging this through court and bringing out all her nasty secrets so she even let that be. The only bargaining chip she had was Isabelle and that had scared the shit out of me the second she mentioned her name.

But surprisingly she told me she didn't want her, that she had never really felt a bond with our child and she didn't want something in her life that would constantly remind her of her biggest mistake in life; 'ME'. Man that was harsh. Her terms were simple, I had to sign the papers today, right away or she would drag this through court for years and take Isabelle with her for the ride. I conceded immediately, there was no way I was going to knowingly put my daughter through hell and scar her for life. She was better off without her Mom, I just hoped she saw that too.

"Daddy, Daddy there is someone at the door." Isabelle was looking at me with those wide green curious eyes, waiting for me to respond to her.

I shook my head brining myself back to the present, "Sorry honey I was thinking. Hang on a second okay I am going to go get the door." I forced a smile on my face to let her know I was okay and went for the door.

Sure enough it was the messenger Audrey had sent over. I found myself sizing him up, wondering if this could be the poor stupid fool about to take on all that was Audrey. I smirked. If it was, the poor fucker was in for one hell of a ride.

I quickly went over the documents; there really wasn't a lot to read. It was all surprisingly what Audrey had already told me. I expected to find some loop hole or variation to our agreement, but no it was all the way it was suppose to be. I signed my name in the three different spots required and took my copy that Audrey had already signed. The man then told me I would have the official documents within the week. I nodded and closed the door in his face.

"Isabelle honey are you ready to go?" I called. She immediately came bounding down the hall and jumped into my arms. God I love this precious little girl she knew exactly how to cheer me up.

I sighed and looked back into the home I had shared with Audrey for the last four years of my life and with determination and finality I slammed the door shut and locked it.

Ten fucking miles to the airport, that's it! You have got to be fucking kidding me. We were a mere ten miles from the airport and traffic was at a standstill. I couldn't see anything ahead of us. So I wasn't sure what was stopping traffic. There were police men and firemen everywhere and rescue workers too, but none appeared to be doing anything of consequence so what the fuck was going on.

Luckily, Isabelle had fallen asleep; at least she didn't have to endure this torture. I looked back at her still form and watched her chest rise and fall as she breathed in small slow breathes. She had a small smile on her little pink lips; she must have been dreaming a good dream. I reached back and ran my fingers through her fine curls. She was so beautiful and innocent I was glad she was having good dreams, someone as precious and innocent as her deserved nothing but happiness. I closed my eyes for a brief second and pictured us playing at the beach, running through the sand and splashing in the water.

All of a sudden I heard loud screeching of tires and metal upon metal smashing, my eyes bolted open and I immediately took in my surroundings searching for whatever had caused the loud noises. I could hear people screaming as a few ran past my car but I could see nothing that would cause such a commotion I didn't even have time to panic as I saw a huge object hurling our way I reached back for my Isabelle and grasped her tiny frail hand and took one last glance at her sleeping form before the darkness took over.

**Please review and let me know if this is something you'd be interested in reading so I know whether I should continue or not. Reviews are better than chocolate…and chocolate is damn good!**


	2. Wind Storm Awakening!

**Disclaimer – I don't own Twilight or any recognizable characters. The great Stephenie Meyer does, I just like to play around with the characters :)**

**Thanks to my beta Zombie's Run This Town; who rocks my world and researched medical stuff and that nonsense for this chapter.**

**So I am thinking for now on I am going to try to update based on reviews…..this way I am updating the stories people are most wanting and keeping the readers happy! For the next chapter to this story I am looking to hit a mere 20 reviews before I update…with hundreds of readers this should be an easy task and a quick update as well!**

**Chapter 1 – Wind Storm awakening!**

**Bella - Narrator.**

Beep Beep Beep!

"Damn annoying alarm clock, I will break you when I find you." I mumbled from beneath the safety of my covers, flailing my arms around wildly trying to reach the alarm on my bedside table.

SMASH!!!!

"Oh shit, looks like I need a new vase and a new alarm now. Ugghh." I mumbled while pulling the covers off of my head to inspect the damage I had just caused to my poor unsuspecting alarm clock. "HA, annoying little bugger deserved it."

Hi my name is Bella Swan. I am a twenty three year old long term care nurse. I have been employed at Mount Hope long term care facility for the past two years now. I love my job, really I do but sometimes it is just so heart wrenching. I just wished I could be one of those cold hearted people who didn't let anything get to them, more like my co-worker Lauren Mallory. Nothing ever got to her. Hell, one time she got a patient who was only 12 years old. The doctors warned us the young girl would likely never wake, but after Lauren had been working with her for over a year she passed and that cold hearted bitch didn't even blink twice. Instead she mumbled something out it 'being about time and she needed to get a new damn job'. See cold - I told ya!

Anyways back to me. I was currently living in the small town of Forks Washington. I had just finally moved out of my Dad's place just over a year ago so I was all on my own now. No dad to question my every move, no boyfriend either, unfortunately.

I wasn't really big on dating I kind of preferred to be alone. Don't get me wrong I have dated before but only two guys and neither lasted more than a couple of weeks. Guys just didn't get me, that or they really just weren't very interested in getting to know the person I was. Probably only interested in one thing actually. And that was one thing I had yet to give to anyone and sure as hell wasn't about to give it up to some guy I had only been dating for a mere couple days.

Well as much as I would love to sit around all day and chat with you about my boring past. I do have work to get to so let's get on with my story!

18 months earlier – February 2007

"It's not fair how come she gets the hot comatose guy and I get stuck with grandma who wets her pants on an hourly basis?" I could hear Lauren's nasally voice whining from down the hall.

I wonder who is? Some poor unsuspecting millionaire that she is likely planning on making her next conquest. I felt bad for him already.

Lauren Mallory was one of my co-workers, she wasn't very bright, but apparently she managed, she was a nurse after all. Well technically she was only a PSW (personal support worker) which only entitled her to change bed pans, and diapers, and help bathe patients and such.

Over the last six months I had known her she had been divorced one and dated about six other guys as well. Apparently that was her third divorce already and she was only twenty years old. How the hell that was even possible was beyond me. Gossip around the building told me she liked to find herself wealthy naive desperate men, date them for awhile then set them up to cheat on her and lastly take them for all they were worth based on said infidelity. It must have worked for her too, cause you could tell she was loaded, that girl wore freakin' four inch heels to work for god sakes not to mention the clothing or car or couch purse she carried around with her like a normal person would carry a baby. Aside from what I had heard from others I didn't really know Lauren I tried to steer clear of trouble and if there was one thing I was sure of, Lauren would be nothing but trouble.

As I rounded the corner to the nurses' station, Lauren looked up and glared at me, pointing her skinny perfectly manicured finger at me she sneered, "You, gahhhh, it's so unfair…you don't deserve…don't know how to appreciate someone of his standing…awwwww….so unfair." She huffed and puffed a bit then spun on her heal and stormed off still grumbling away.

I looked over at my supervisor confused as ever. "Umm, what was that all I about?" I questioned while punching in.

"Oh, nothing for you to be concerned about Bella. Lauren is just not happy with the patient she was assigned." His voice trailed off near the end of his sentence. "And this is my fault how? Man I don't think I will ever understand that girl." I said while shaking my head in frustration.

"So Miss. Swan if you will come with me, you have a new patient that I need to brief you on." Dr. Masen said while already heading for his office.

"Please sit," he motioned for a chair off to the left of his desk.

"I want you to know I am giving you Miss. Swan this patient because I truly believe for afternoon staff you are the most qualified but I do hope this is something you can handle. This is a high profile case. The son of a multi - billionaire that donates a lot to places like ours. It is a very sensitive case and you will need to tread lightly where the parents are concerned, are you okay with that?" I nodded wondering who the hell had his panties in such a bunch.

Great! Okay let me give you the specifics then." I grabbed my pen and pad of paper from my bag, I always made sure to make notes of anything that I might need for future use. I knew I could always refer to a patients charts but I liked to keep my own notes of information I found particularly helpful with a patient.

Just as Dr. Masen was about to brief me we heard a ruckus in the main hallway. He excused himself and went to investigate the noise.

Minutes later he returned with a very distraught looking woman being held up by a very frustrated looking man.

"Please Mr. and Mrs. Cullen take a seat. This is the nurse who will be looking after your son." He said while motioning to me. I stood and extended my hand to them "Hi, my name is Bella Swan. It is a pleasure to meet you both however I am sorry it is under these grave circumstances." I said in a sympathetic tone, my breath hitching a bit when I looked into Mrs. Cullen's desperate eyes. I felt like she was pleaded with me for something, I wasn't sure what but it made me too feel desperate. Desperate to take this poor woman's pain away.

Once we were all seated Dr. Masen began. "So as I am sure you are already aware a coma is a deep state of unconsciousness, during which an individual is not able to react to his or her environment. Someone in a coma cannot consciously respond to stimulation. The accident ultimately caused this in your son's case, the impact to his head was just too traumatic and his brain shut down to try to protect itself."

"Give me a break doc." Mr. Cullen interrupted. "Do you seriously not know who you are talking to? I know what the hell a coma is. What I want to know is how deep he is in? And what his chances of recovery are? Do you foresee any permanent damage?"

Mrs. Cullen gasped beside me when the implication of what he was asking set it. Tears sprung from her eyes and she lowered her head into her hands and sobbed quietly.

Dr. Masen shook his head and started stuttering all nervous like, "I'm not too sure of how deep he's in, you can never really be sure. If he's in too deep he can become asphyxiated and we will have to put him on an airway machine. His chances for recovery are pretty high." He spoke like he was holding something back, not telling us everything. Apparently Mr. Cullen was just as perceptive as I.

"You make it sound like there is something else, something you are not mentioning. I…we except complete honestly and disclosure if you don't feel your facility can provide us with this we will gladly move our son to a location that will extend us that kind of courtesy." He spoke with such authority and intense anger I myself almost jumped at his voice. Dr. Masen he didn't say anything right away, only stared out his office window.

"I do see some permanent damage, but nothing as far as brain damage goes. I think he will recover just fine...from the coma." He said softly, so soft I had to strain my ears to make sure I was hearing him correctly.

Before any of us could reply he continued on in a soft, apologetic tone. "I'm sorry to say this, but it seems your son is suffering a spinal cord injury and he will be for most likely the rest of his life," Dr. Masen stopped and took a deep breath before continuing on. "I can't tell you much more than that at this moment unfortunately. We need to run some more tests to determine exactly how much damage there is and what course of treatment if any we should take. I assure you though we already have x-rays and examinations set up to begin first thing tomorrow, and we are hopeful that we will be able to set up a conference by the end of the week to get a plan of action in place for your sons care and treatment. We can set up an appointment to once again meet here in my office for next Monday if you'd like when I am sure we will be in a better place to give you the answers you want and deserve."

Mr. Cullen cleared his throat and spoke in a strong but wavering voice. "We will be here first thing Monday Doctor and will expect something more concrete at that time." With that Mr. and Mrs. Cullen got up and walked out of the room.

"Well it seems you got your brief in an unconventional way but got it none the less do you have any other questions Miss. Swan?" I thought for a second but decided if I wanted to know anything more I would just read the charts. I shook my head and got up to leave. "Good luck Miss. Swan I'm counting on you." Dr. Masen mumbled as I left his office.

I took a few good hours going over Mr. Cullen's files making sure I missed nothing, not one piece of information. My heart broke a little more after reading each new piece of information. I could see now why Dr. Masen was initially concerned about whether or not I could handle this patient. But really it was a simple task at least it would be until he woke up, but by then Dr. Masen would be the one to explain everything to him, not me. And that alone made me feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wasn't sure I would be able to maintain a neutral façade while delivering news like this to anyone, least of all a patient of mine who would likely have many questions when he woke. Ones he deserved honest, sturdy answers to. Not me blubbering out half coherent explanations while sobbing uncontrollably. Yes, this was definitely a case I would leave to Dr. Masen to take care of once Mr. Cullen woke.

18 months later – August 2008

The wind was blowing like crazy outside. I could see lawn furniture and bikes whipping around out my front window. The news said this wasn't a tornado or hurricane just a simple wind storm. But now the rain was picking up and angry lightening was flashing across the sky. The clouds were a dark grey and the skies almost completely black with just a tint if pink here and there. I was grateful I had gotten my important errands done earlier today there was no way in hell I was going out in that.

The sharp shrill of the phone ringing made me jump. Wow I am surprised the phones are still in order. I would have thought the wind would have for sure knocked out the telephone lines by now.

"Hello."

"Bella, Bella we need you to come down to the clinic right away. The storm knocked out the hydro post over here and the power is out, the generator should kick in soon, but it is just pure chaos here, please come as soon as you can make it safely." The dial tone buzzed in my ear without even giving me a chance to respond.

I rushed out the door and braved the storm to make my way to the clinic. Luckily I lived a mere five minute drive from work. But unfortunately I had forgotten to put the top up on my car earlier so now here I was struggling to get it up while being pelted by the cold harsh rain.

I parked my car and ran into the building looking like a drowned rat. The generator had kicked in now so some lights were back on. Patients were wandering the halls in wheelchairs. Nurses were trying to move patients to temporary rooms because their regular ones now had shattered windows; one even had a tree branch through the window.

I panicked and ran straight for his room. He was the only patient in that wing I feared no one would have remembered to check on him. Sure enough not a soul was in sight as I skidded around the corner and made my way to his room. As I burst through his door I sucked in a breath and squeaked in surprise.

He was sitting straight up in his bed. Inspecting me with his head cocked to the side. A glazed, confused look in his eyes. I stood there and gaped at him for a moment before forcing my feet to move and asking him if he was okay.

"Mr. Cullen are you alright?" No response.

"Mr. Cullen. Cullen…are you okay?" I asked again. It looked like he wanted to answer me, his mouth was twitching slightly yet still he said nothing.

"Edward, are you okay? Please nod you head for yes and shake it for no?"I whispered now crouching in front of him.

His head moved slightly up and down. I smiled and let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Wh…where…am…I?" He gasped out. Struggling to sound the words out. His voice was scratchy but even then I could not help but melt just a little at the way his voice sounded. It was heavenly to me. Like an angels.

"You're at Mount Hope Long term care facility. Here let me help you lay back and I will find the doctor to come in and speak with you, okay?" He didn't answer but laid back and closed his eyes while nodding his head slightly.

I bolted from the room in search of Dr. Masen.

An hour later I stumbled into Mr. Cullen's room with Dr. Masen in tow.

Edward's eyes fluttered open as my hip bumped his bed stopping me from falling over completely.

"Tell me what is going on…. Doctor why am I here." He questioned in a deep, scratchy voice. My heart fluttered.

"First we need to quickly check your vitals Mr. Cullen, then I will explain everything to you."

**Hehe, sorry about the cliffy, but there is just too much to squeeze in without making this chapter too long and tedious for you to leave feedback and let me know what you're thinking so far ~ Feedback = faster update= happy readers and busy writer!**

**AND if you're getting a little antsy waiting for updates I am working on three other stories as well right now, go check em out and let me know what you think okay! These are the four stories I have up right now.**

**1.****Desolation!**

**Bella is beyond broken by the time her mom exiles her to Forks to live with her father, Bella makes some not so trustworthy friends and continues her downward spiral, right into the not so safe arms of Edward Cullen,Rated M for rape,Lemons,and dark themes **

**2. ****Dream Weaver**

**Bella is in highschool and having a hard time sleeping. Drugs and drinking are the least of her 'teenage' problems when something sinister comes for her in her sleep, but why is this happening to Bella and can anyone save her from her doomed fate? **

**3. ****A New Love?**

**Edward doesn't come back in NM,someone does, what if another Cullen loves Bella? What happens if Edward and Bella are reunited but neither is what they used to be? Throw in an unexpected relative and a NEW LOVE and bam issues are sure to ensue. **

**4. ****Somewhere between life and death**

**Edward and his wife get a divorce, just after something terrible, something life shattering happens. Cue Bella! Is Bella's strong heart and never ending compassion enough to fix this broken man? Pl read and review and let me know if I should continue. **


	3. Exquisite pain

**Disclaimer ~ Don't own Twilight- the amazing Stephenie Meyer does. I worship at her brilliant feet for these amazing books she has written and thus given me some amazing characters to play with!**

**So as you know for now on I am going to try to update based on reviews…..this way I am updating the stories people are most wanting and keeping the readers happy! For the next chapter to this story I am looking to hit a mere 50 reviews before I update…with hundreds of readers this should be an easy task and a quick update as well!**

**Chapter 2 – Exquisite pain**

**EPOV**

I slowly and very carefully opened my eyes. This process was extremely excruciating and frustrating. I could hear people screaming and yelling, and feet pounding on the floor. Someone was crying as well. Who was crying? Isabelle? Oh my god, what if it was Isabelle crying for me to help her and here I am playing some pain inducing game with my heavy ass eyelids. Shit!

My eyes finally fluttered open, and immediately the pain intensified tenfold. The light was blinding, I quickly shut my eyes. I struggled with my hand, I wanted to use it to shield my eyes, but apparently it wasn't listening today. It took all of my concentration and way too much physical effort but finally I was able to shield my eyes and I once again attempted to open my burning eyes.

Why did this hurt so much? Am I hung over? If so this was the mother of all hangovers and I'd promise to any god listening I would never again drink a sip of alcohol if he would just cease the pain even just the littlest bit.

I slowly took in my surroundings, my eyes flashing back and forth trying to figure out where I was. It seemed my head as well was having an off day cause it too refused to move on command.

I could tell I was in a room with pale white walls; there was a counter the left side of me, covered in what appeared to be bandages, needles and some other things my eyes couldn't quite focus in on.  
I could see the door; this was where the offensive light was pouring in. I quickly skimmed past that. I could see a tall pole beside me with tubes running from it, and a small stand as well with what I was sure was a heart monitor and a brain activity monitor as well. What the hell? Was I in a hospital?

I tried to call out, for whom? Hmm, anyone would do right about now. I wanted answers; I wanted to know whose idea of a sick joke this was and more so I wanted to know where the hell my daughter was. But all I managed to squeak out was a harsh grunt. I lowered my hand to my mouth and slowly began tugging on a tub that was hanging from my lips. The more I pulled the more I gagged, holy shit how much of this tubing crap had they shoved down my throat. A huge coughing fit overtook me as the last of the tubing fell on the floor. My throat stung from the irritation the coughing was causing.

Minutes later the coughing subsided and I spent the next few minutes gasping for breath, greedily taking in any bit of air my lungs could swallow.

I slowly cocked my head to the side again this taking way too much effort. I could see the small call button at the top of my pillow. I gingerly lifted my numb feeling hand and concentrated in pushing my finger on the red little button, several tries later I managed to actually hit the little red button and boy did I give it a beating I pressed it over and over and over again till my finger was sore from the pressure. Where the fuck was everybody. I could hear a commotion going on in the halls so obviously people were here, why wouldn't anyone come help me? Tears of frustration slipped from my eyes as I tried repetitively to force more than a strangled cry from my lips. Nope. It just wasn't happening.

Not a minute later a nurse came flying through my door damn near giving me heart failure. She was soaked form head to toe and slipped on the floor as the door slammed shut behind her and would have fell flat on her face had the bed I was laying in not been there to break her fall. Her eyes locked on mine and she stopped short. Staring at me with such intensity and utter shock. "Oh…"she gasped. As her hand flew to her throat and her jaw slowly dropped open in what appeared to be surprise.

"Mr…Mr. Cullen…are…are…you…alright?" She stuttered while slowly inching towards me. She resembled a mouse slowly approaching a predator. She looked down right scared shitless.

I opened my mouth and tired once again to speak, but managed nothing but grunts. As I watched her curiously wondering what she would do once she finally managed to reach my side. I tried yet again to form the words I so desperately wanted to ask. "Wh…ere…a..m…I?" It didn't sound quite right and my voice was low and raspy but a flash of understanding crossed her face and she scurried to my side. "Mr. Cullen…are you okay?" She looked at me expecting me to answer her. My throat hurt too much right now to attempt speaking again. Looking frustrated she tried again, "Edward, are you okay? Please nod you head for yes and shake it for no?" She did the motions as she said them. I wanted to laugh at her it looked so funny, but I couldn't put forth the effort it would require. I slowly cautiously nodded my head. She smiled and let out a hysteric giggle.

She looked so sad and I could see tears forming in the corner of her eyes, "You're at Mount Hope Long Term Care Facility. Here let me help you lay back and I will find the doctor to come in and speak with you, okay?" She cooed as a single tear slid down her cheek. I couldn't stand seeing the pain in her eyes so I closed mine and gently nodded my head.

I must have drifted off cause I woke to the sound of feet stumbling around and just as I opened my eyes I saw the same nurse stumble into the end of the bed, she clutched at her hip and pulled at older looking gentleman toward me.

He just stood there staring at me for a few seconds, the confusion on his face evident. I decided to break the silence since it appeared the two bumbling idiots were not about to.

"Tell…me…what…is…going…on, doctor…why…am…I…here?" It was getting easier to form words, but my throat still burned as if I had swallowed rubbing alcohol with each word that I sputtered out.

The doctor sucked in a long breath before he answered me, "First we need to quickly check your vitals Mr. Cullen, then I will explain everything to you." I nodded as he walked over to me and begin looking at the various equipment surrounding my bed and jotting things down in the folder he was carrying.

"Nurse Swan." He motioned for her to join him near the door way. I watched their exchange trying to hear what they were saying but all I caught were bits and pieces. Call......…come back……….see…….book test………immediately………as possible……… why did they have to keep things from me? Fuck I just wanted to know what was going on. I was about to tell them to shut up and answer my question when the nurse spun on her heels and the doctor pulled a chair up beside me. He looked me in the eyes and sighed loudly.

"Edward! May I call you Edward?" I nodded. He appeared to be struggling for words, and I was growing impatient. "There is no easy way to tell you this, so I am not even going to try to sugar coat it for you okay? I am just going to give it to you straight and then answer any questions you might have okay?" Again I nodded, fear now seeping into the pit of my stomach. What could this doctor possibly have to tell me that could be so horrible?

"Edward you have been in a coma for the last 18 months." I gasped, my breathing hitched, and he continued on. "I must say that you being awake right now baffles even me. We kind of lost hope after the first year passed by. There has been no brain activity for some time now and you haven't responded to stimuli for well over a year now. We are going to set up some tests that will hopefully begin first thing tomorrow morning, once we have those results I will be in a much better position to inform you of what to expect." I could feel the tears forming behind my lids, but I refused to open my eyes and set them free. I nodded my head hoping he knew this meant to continue. He must have understood." You may feel nauseous and light headed for awhile, I will have a nurse come in and change your IV bags so you are getting the proper medications now that you are awake. The nausea should subside within a day or two, once the medication is out of your system. I see you already removed your breathing tubes." He chuckled lightly. "Your memory may be kind of fuzzy over the next few days, some coma patients take months to recover all memories but please understand this is normal, your body and mind are working overtime right now to return to normal and comprehend what has happened and what is currently happening." Do you have any questions so far? I did. But I wasn't sure I wanted the answers quite yet. I wasn't sure I could handle them. I was scared. Beyond scared. I felt like a child and all I wanted was my Mommy to come and hold me, rub my back and tell e everything was going to be okay. How pathetic.

"That's not it though, Edward while you were out we ran some tests and…." "Edward oh my…sweetie…" My Mom burst through the door, tears streaming down her face, with her arms wide open she ran to me and pulled me into her arms, the tears I had been so desperately trying to hold back not flew freely, like a damn giving out against extreme pressure. "Oh my baby….we were so worried…we thought we had lost you….they wanted to pull the plug….but I wouldn't let them…I never gave up hope….you hear me? Never!" My mother sobbed into my hair I wasn't sure if she was speaking to me or to herself.

The doctor cleared his throat, "Umm…I'll give you some time and co back in a bit and we can talk some more Edward." I managed a weak smile and nodded as he left the room. Just as he left my Father came barging in, looking out of breath and skeptical.

As he took in the scene before him I watched a huge grin break out on his grief stricken face as he took flung his arms over my mom and I and he began to weep, not once trying to be manly and hide it.

We stayed like this for what felt like hours, None of us spoke but the love was ever present in our touch and joy was spilling through from our tears.

"Where….where's Isabelle? Why didn't…she come with…you." I sputtered fighting to make the words come out right.

I heard my Mom gasp as I turned to face her she lowered herself into the chair beside my bed and starting sobbing uncontrollably. My dad looked nervous and was fidgeting with his watch I could tell he too was fighting off a fresh bout of tears.

"Son," He spoke softly his voice quivering and laced with emotion. "Isabelle didn't make it, she died before the rescue workers even got you two out of the car. I am so sorry son." The tears began flowing freely down his anguished face as he stood at my bedside waiting for my reaction.

I felt numb. Flashes of that horrible day attacked my mind and I grabbed my head trying to squeeze the pain away.

**FLASH** - Audrey calling and bailing out on our family trip.

**FLASH** - Audrey telling me she wanted a divorce and that she had been having an affair.

**FLASH** -Signing the divorce papers.

**FLASH** - Driving to the airport.

**FLASH** - Getting stuck in a huge traffic jam just mere miles from the airport.

**FLASH** - The sound of metal slamming together and tires screeching…the smell of something burning…the sounds of people screaming and yelling in terror.

**FLASH** - Bright lights coming at my car.

**FLASH** - Isabelle sleeping peacefully in the backseat of my car as I grabbed her little hand and prayed for her safety.

I let out a strangled cry. I felt my mother's shaky cold hands clamp my own as I slowly lost consciousness.

**A/N – Sorry guys I know that was one hell of a tear jerker. **

**Please review, I will post the next chapter once this story reaches a mere 50 reviews.**

**If you are getting antsy waiting for updates I have 3 other stories I am currently working on, go check em out and lemme know what you think.**


	4. On the outside, looking in

**Disclaimer ~ Don't own Twilight- the amazing Stephenie Meyer does. I worship at her brilliant feet for these amazing books she has written and thus given me some amazing characters to play with!**

**A Massive thank you to Zombie's Run This Town for doing a bunch of medical research for this chap for me…without her I would likely still be procrastinating, dreading the info dig up that was required.**

**Chapter 3 - On the outside, looking in!**

**EPOV**

I woke up to my mother's worried, tear stained face. I could tell she was trying hard to hold back sobs as she smiled at me with pain filled eyes.

I couldn't bring myself to talk to her. I couldn't bear to breath. Everything hurt. My mind and yet to comprehend what my father had said before I blacked out. It couldn't be true, not my Isabelle, not my baby girl.

I clenched my fists to my face and screamed as loud as I could.

My father came running into the room looking absolutely petrified. My mother resumed her anguished filled sobs, but no one said anything to me. Maybe because they didn't know what to say, maybe because they knew I needed some time to process it all, either way I was grateful for it. I couldn't handle the sympathy right now, all I wanted to do was fall back into the deep black void that had held me for so long. Why did I have to wake up? Why couldn't I have gone with her?

Slowly my mother's words from earlier crept back into my mind, and I replayed them over and over again:

"_Oh my baby….we were so worried…we thought we had lost you….they wanted to pull the plug….but I wouldn't let them…I never gave up hope….you hear me? Never!"_

_they wanted to pull the plug….but I wouldn't let them…I never gave up hope….you hear me? Never!"_

_they wanted to pull the plug….but I wouldn't let them…I never gave up hope….you hear me? Never!"_

I slowly rolled my head towards where my mother sat sobbing into her hands, I could see my father trying to console her and failing miserably, I noticed his hands shaking slightly and the dampness on his own cheeks, we were all suffering, I knew this, but knowing this didn't stop the harsh words that flew from my mouth in that very moment," This is your fault! I am here and she is gone and it is all your fault! How dare you? Why the hell couldn't you have let me go be with her? What the fuck do you think is left here for me now? My voice continued to rise as I threw violent, heart breaking accusations her way, but damned if I care at that moment. This was her fault and I was going to make sure she knew it.

I watched my mother's eyes widen, tears now streaming down her flushed cheeks, she slowly lifted her hand shakily, reaching out towards me. I flinched back and let out an angry growl. She gasped and lowered her hand.

"I don't…what did…why are..Oh Edwar…" I interrupted her before she could make me feel bad for feeling this way. "Don't bother, just get out, both of you just GET OUT!" I was shaking with anger, somewhere inside I knew I had nor right to be mad at them, but I was, fuming mad and angry at not just them, but the whole damn world.

"Edward, I know this is a lot to take in, but you have no right to speak to your mother that way. Now when you are ready to apologize and treat her with the respect she deserves you give us a call you hear." My father then held my mother by the waist and led her frail looking body towards the door, she kept glancing over her shoulders and seeing the tortured pain in her eyes almost made me call her back. I desperately wanted to hold her and take all her pain away, I wanted her to hold me as she did when I was a child, and have her put a big old band aid on my now broken heart. If only it were so easy to heal. But after the way I just treated her, what right did I really have. I didn't deserve such amazing parents, I didn't deserve their love, sympathy or tears. So I just closed my eyes and let them walk out of my room, out of my life.

From my spot on the hospital bed I stared out the only window in the room. Going over the day's events. So much had happened, my mind was reeling, the pain in my chest had not lessoned one bit, if anything it seemed to have grown.

I still had a hard time accepting my precious little Isabelle was gone. But found myself wondering how her funeral was. If they had lilies or roses? If they had a traditional burial or if they had her cremated? Who had made all the arrangements? What was engraved in her headstone? Did they have an open casket? If so I missed my only chance to say goodbye to my darling daughter.

I felt traitorous tears well in my eyes and poor out onto my cheeks, I brushed them away and took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself.

I thought about the way I had treated my parents as whole new pain ripped an even larger hole in my chest. I had swallowed my pride, but took the easy way out either way. I had called when I knew they would not be home yet and left a message on their answering machine.

"_Hi Mom, I…just…called…" I started weeping like a child into the phone, I managed to compose myself enough to finish my message. "I'm so …sorry. I never should….you didn't deserve….I was wrong…I love you…please forgive me." _

Shortly after my phone call Dr. Masen came in asked me how I was and slowly sat down beside me.

"_Edward we need to run some tests, they will start first thing tomorrow morning, but there are some things you need to know before we bring in the paper work for you to sign so we can run the tests._

_I eyed him cautiously, something in his voice told me I might not like what I was about to hear, but after they day I had, really how bad could it be?_

_"I'm sorry to tell you this, after you were brought in here, we ran some tests, there was swelling on spine and we had to operate to relieve the pressure, it would appear you're suffering a spinal cord injury and until we run more tests to determine the severity of it we can't be sure just what can be done to help."" The doctor said solemnly, I opened my mouth to speak but my words evaded me,. "Spinal cord injury?" I questioned numbly, he nodded his head._

"Spinal Cord Injury or SCI for short is damage to the spinal cord that results in a loss of function such as mobility or feeling. It's mostly from trauma, like the car accident you were in. On a few occasions disease can cause this as wells, like spina bifida or polio." 

_  
I cut in, "So is my spine broken? Is some of it missing?" He pursed his lips and leaned forward.  
"No, in fact, in most people with SCI, the spinal cord is still intact, but the damage to it results in loss of functioning." He stated._

_  
"So, you're telling me my back is broken? I asked dumbstruck. He shook his head._

_  
"SCI is very different from back injuries such as ruptured disks, spinal stenosis or pinched nerves. A person __can__ break their back or neck yet not sustain a spinal cord injury if only the bones around the spinal cord (the vertebrae) are damaged, but the spinal cord is not affected. In these situations, the individual may not experience paralysis after the bones are stabilized."_

"WAIT! Paralysis? Are you telling me I may be paralyzed? I can move my arms and hands, oh… my legs. I haven't tried walking yet…" My voice faded as the realization of what he had just said sunk in.

Anger flashed through me once again and I spat at him_ "So basically your telling me, I could be a suicidal maniac and jump off a building and if by chance for some fucked up reason I lived through that all there would be a chance I wouldn't be suffering from paralysis, but of no fault of my own, because of some freak plane crash I may never walk again?"_I challenged him, my voice thick of emotion, my eyes blazing with fury. How fucking cruel could this world get?

_  
"Yes," He stated, the emotion in his eyes eyes matched the way I felt. DEFEATED!_

_For a few minutes we sat their silently_

_"What other effects are there?" I asked him in a nonchalant tone, he sighed and started again._

_  
"The effects of SCI depend on the type of injury and the level of the injury. SCI can be divided into two types of injury - complete and incomplete. A complete injury means that there is no function below the level of the injury; no sensation and no voluntary movement. Both sides of the body are equally affected. An incomplete injury means that there is some functioning below the primary level of the injury. A person with an incomplete injury may be able to move one limb more than another, may be able to feel parts of the body that cannot be moved, or may have more functioning on one side of the body than the other." _He spoke just like a doctor would, but of course I barely understood a word he was saying. I knew this should make more sense to me given I had taken enough course throughout the years to understand basis "doctor talk" but damn me all to hell I was barely able to pay attention or to care for that matter. All I wanted was to fall back to sleep and wake up in a world where Isabella and I were once again together.

_  
_I chuckled darkly and he cocked his head at me, probably wondering what I could possibly be finding so funny in this situation,_ "Let me guess, god hates me and I have a complete injury right_?" I questioned with humor.

_He sighed deeply before answering me, "We simply just don't know the extent of your injuries yet. The fact that you can move your hands and arms is always a good thing. And you claim to have some sensation in your legs so that is a definite good sign. Once we get the test results back from your tests tomorrow we will have a much better idea of where to go from here." _

"_So, a physiotherapist will be by in just a few minutes actually." _He mumbled while looking at his watch._ "She will help with some stretches and re-building muscle mass in your legs, she will also go over some possible therapy options with you, okay!" _He stood to leave then. I was glad this talk was over, I needed some time to process it all and wouldn't mind some peace and quiet.

I had just closed my weary eyes as a short, plump woman with a way too big smile on her face came tumbling in the room, "Mr. Cullen?" She asked. I nodded. "Great! So I am going to start off by stretching you leg muscles a bit, so just lay back and relax but try to pay attention to what I am doing, when you are feeling up to it you can likely do a few of these on your own." She continued babbling on about anything and everything as she stretched, pulled, and probed at my legs. I barely heard a word she said I was so caught up in the fact that I could indeed feel what she was doing, and that had to mean I would walk again. I felt a smile break out on my face and a low chuckle rise from deep in my throat, the nurse glanced up at me, curiosity evident in her eyes. I jut shook my head and tried to focus on what she was doing to me. If these stretches would help, well damn I would do them all day if it would speed the healing process.

"Alright Mr. Cullen…" "Please call me Edward, my dad is Mr. Cullen I am just Edward." I interrupted.

"Okay…Edward then. Let's go over some physio options for you shall we." And with that she was off once again spaking so fast I had to concentrate to make sure I caught everything she was saying.

"_As always with physiotherapy, the first step is evaluation. A plan is formulated that will include therapies specific to the kind of spinal cord injury you have."_ She stopped and flipped through the pages on the clipboard she was now holding.

"_Your tests will be run tomorrow and as soon as we get them back we will set an immediate plan of action, right now I have a pretty good idea what we are going to do with you though and what the outcome could be."_ I nodded my understanding and she went on.

"An important issue in spinal cord injury is the level of the damage. If a physiotherapy program is not followed faithfully, the spine will begin to atrophy below the level of the spinal cord injury. The spine will shrink and the whole body below that point will become weaker as time goes by. Any questions so far?"

I shook my now pounding head.

"Alright then. It is important that as spinal cord injury patient to get exercise of some form. You are prone to osteoporosis and heart problems, among other conditions. If there is a total lack of exercise, these risk factors become even more pronounced." I took a sharp inhale of air and motioned for her to continue. I didn't have any questions cause I wasn't even sure my brain had processed half of what she was saying so far. I was still tuck on the 'I may never walk again part.'

"Physiotherapy for spinal cord injury involves exercising and stimulating the nerves and muscles below the level of the damage. This will allow you to stay in good physical condition, well, as good a possible. That way, if a solution becomes available, your muscles will not be too weakened to benefit from it."

She handed me some pictures of the lower part of the body and pointed out where the damage was on my spine and which muscles she thought we should maintain.

"Every exercise the I go through with the you will be video-taped. This allows work to go on at home with you so you have an example of each exercise. Range-of-motion exercises are done by a caregiver or home nurse, who will moves your limbs so that they will not become set in one position."

Great now she's telling me that once I get out of this dreary place I will going to have to take a piece of with me, a piece in the form of some annoying woman who would likely prattle on about nothing of interest and cop a feel at the same time. GREAT!

"_There are many restorative therapies in physiotherapy for patients in your position. These include electrical stimulation, biofeedback, vibrational therapy, laser therapy and other stimulation activities. Aqua therapy is also a physiotherapy method that is conducive to progress in spinal cord injury patients. We will likely start off with the basics, just stretching and if possible placing you in a harness while walking on a treadmill. Then when your legs are strong enough we can move on to aqua therapy. We like to leave electrical stimulation and laser therapy as a last resort kind of option!  
_

"_So when will we start this then?" I questioned softly. I really just wanted to get this done and over with. I desperately needed the use of my legs, I had to go and visit my baby's grave and say goodbye._

"_Well you already have silly, what do you think we are doing right now?" she smiled. I grunted. Of course, wasn't she a smart ass?_

_She finally finished after what felt like forever, but in actuality was only seventy-five minutes she handed me some informative brochures to go over with some different stretches I could try on my own as well as some information on spinal injuries and their outcomes. She waved as she left still with that creepy, paste on smile on her face. I grunted and threw the papers onto my bedside table and curled up under my covers in dire need of a good long rest. I would worry about everything tomorrow once the test results came back. Right now my mind was so bombarded with information and ideas and pain and thoughts I felt like I wasn't even the person it was happening to, I truly felt like an observer standing on the outside looking in._

_**A/N – Sorry I know this chapter may have been a bit boring with all the medical talk and all, but it was a necessity to move on with the story. Next chap will be much more exciting and Bella will be back as well! PLEASE REVIEW!**_


	5. My Minds Deceit

**Disclaimer ~ Don't own Twilight- the amazing Stephenie Meyer does. I worship at her brilliant feet for these amazing books she has written and thus given me some amazing characters to play with!**

**Chapter 4 – My minds deceit**

**EPOV**

It has been a week since I woke up, a week since I learned my precious Isabelle had died in the crash, and a week since I learned of my condition. But I had proved them all wrong. I had got my tests done, I had started doing my stretches on my own and just this morning I had got up and walked to the bathroom, with assistance mind you but still I walked! I sat here in my wheel chair, my new best friend, and stared out the window longing to go outside, to feel the breeze through my hair, the sunshine on my face, to hear the birds chirp, heck I would even settle for the everyday sounds of the city. Anything but the constant bustle of this place, the beeping and crying and doctor talk. Anything but the tormenting voice I kept hearing that I knew there was no possible way I actually was.

I started hearing her voice two nights ago:

**Flashback:**

I was lying in my bed in the dark trying to will myself to sleep when I heard a soft giggle, my eyes shot open, I scanned the room for the person that had giggled but saw no one. I immediately thought my mind was just playing tricks on me and once again shut my eyes. Seconds later I heard the giggle again, this time so much louder and practically right beside me. "It's time to go Daddy, hurry up!" This time my whole body shot up into a sitting position, I knew that voice, that was my Isabelle, I knew it wasn't possible but I had heard it, I knew I had. I called out for her and tried vainly to get out of my bed. I fell to the floor as my weakened legs gave out the second they hit the floor, I clawed at the floor trying desperately to find her. Nothing. I curled into a pathetic ball on the floor and cried myself to sleep. The night nurse, Bella had found me there sometime in the middle of the night and helped me to bed. I gave her some lame ass excuse about rolling over and falling out of bed, she seemed skeptical but accepted my explanation anyway.

I didn't tell anyone about what had actually happened that night, I wasn't stupid I knew what everyone would think, they'd think I was crazy. But I wasn't crazy. I knew what I had heard, I didn't know how but it happened. I was sure of this.

I sat around all day yesterday refusing to leave my room in hopes that Isabella would come back. By nine at night I was beginning to doubt what I thought had happened. Maybe it was all in my head. Yes! That must be it. I was hallucinating, hearing things. Probably because I had yet to go and say good bye to my baby, I hadn't yet let go. So my mind was trying anything to hold on when in fact I should be letting go. I clenched my eyes and swore aloud. My own freaking mind was deceiving me, how do you fight back at something like that?

I lowered myself into my bed and shut my eyes, complete resolved to let this go and try harder to move past it instead of dwelling on it. Just as I was falling into a deep slumber. I felt my bed shift. I grumbled for whomever it was to go away, I was sleeping and I didn't feel like being poked and probed at the moment.

"Daddy, come and play with me." Ignore it Edward. It's all in your head. She' not really here. She's not really talking to you. I clenched my eyes shut, my whole body was trembling with fear. Was I losing my mind? Maybe I was going crazy.

"Daddy what's the matter? Why won't you play with me?" I couldn't do it, I couldn't ignore her, figment of my imagination or not. The pain I heard in her tiny little voice gripped my very soul and I immediately sat up. She was right there sitting at the end of my bed, holding the little doll I had bought her for her last birthday. My eyes widened and my fingers trembled as I reached forward to grasp her tiny frail hand. She smiled at me as my hand passed right through hers and grabbed the blanket on the bed instead. I gasped and pulled back, frightened. I saw pain in my daughters' eyes from my reaction but I couldn't help it. I was scared. This kind of shit just doesn't happen.

Isabelle looked at me with a most peculiar look on her face, "I've gotta go now Daddy, please play with me next time I can come." As she faded away into nothing I once again heard her cute little giggle.

"Are you ready to go Mr. Cullen?" Nurse Swan's soft voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up into her smiling face. She was such a happy woman, and very pretty too. I still couldn't believe she agreed to come in on her day off just to take me to the cemetery. She was such a nice woman. I felt bad I had been nothing but rude to her since we met, why she would still be trying so hard to be nice to me I just couldn't understand. I personally would have told myself to go shove it long ago.

I cleared my throat, "Please call me Edward, Mr. Cullen is just way to formal to be called but a woman who sees me naked on a nightly basis." I chuckled watching her face turn a delicious shade of crimson.

"Alright I will address you as Edward if you promise to call me Bella." She compromised. I smiled and nodded.

"Here let me help you…" "Nope, I got this." I interrupted as I slowly climbed out of the bed on my own and lowered myself into the wheel chair she had brought in.

We walked slowly out of the hospital and even slower once we reached the outdoors. I reveled in the feeling of the outdoors, it had been too long. I sighed as the wind wisped around my face and fluffed my tousled hair into my eyes. I hummed along with the birds. I raised my face to greet the sun. I know it seems silly that I would miss something as simple as the outdoors, but god how I did.

It was only a ten minute walk down the road to the cemetery but it took us almost twenty-five minutes. I kept asking her to stop so I could watch birds flutter through the trees, dogs chase their own tails, ants crawling across the sidewalk, and people stroll down the street. Pretty much everything I saw I sucked in as if this would be my very last time out in the world, the last time I would be outside of the four pale walls that had become almost dungeon like to me.

Bella pushed me slowly while bombarding me with a million questions, what I did for a living? Where I went to school? How long had I lived in Forks? She asked about my parents, then she asked about my siblings and I felt my heart clench. ALICE! I had yet to see her since I woke up. She had called me many times apologizing profusely for not being here yet. She had just had a little baby boy, I sobbed as she told me about him. She had named him Anthony Masen Whitlock. Anthony being my middle name, which is exactly why she named him that. She had wanted to keep a part of me with her at all time when she worried I might not ever wake. Jasper was away on a business trip when I woke up and wasn't due back until tomorrow. The three of them would fly out here from Phoenix and come and see me the day after e returned. I couldn't wait to see her. She was my sister and my best friend and I missed her like crazy.

We had just rounded the corner to the cemetery when I finished answering her lat question about Alice. She pushed me to a little granite stone that read.

_**Here lies Isabelle Alice Cullen**_

_**Loving daughter ~ beautiful soul.**_

_**2004 – 2009**_

I swiveled my head around to ask Bella to give me a few minutes alone, but she was already walking away. Such a considerate woman. I would forever be grateful to her for giving me this.

Bella left as soon as we returned to my room. It was her day off after all and she said she had an appointment in the afternoon.

I spent the rest of my day working on stretches and got a surprise visit from the psychiatrist near the end of my day.

I spent the first half of the visit insisting I didn't need to talk to anyone about everything that happened and the last half listening to him give me bullshit excuses and examples as to why it would benefit me to talk to someone about my feelings. I knew I had been through a lot, hell did I ever. But talk to some complete stranger was not going to do me any good. Once I was home I would talk to anyone from my family, they would listen and it would help me just as much, no, it would help me so much more knowing I was talking to someone who actually gave a shit about me and what I was going through.

"Daddy, wake up. Daddy come play with me." I jolted awake and looked over to where Isabelle at in the chair beside my bed. A lone tear escaped my eye. She was back. I would not deny her this time. I slowly sat as I memorized every inch of her beautiful face.

"What do you want to play sweetheart?"

She didn't answer me, only smiled and reached her hand for me. I tried to grab it, but all I found was air.

She looked so sad and kept opening and closing her mouth as if she wanted to say something but didn't know how.

I couldn't hold her to comfort her heck I couldn't even touch her. So I sat there staring at my ghost of a daughter, searching her sad little eyes for any indication as to why she was here and hummed her lullaby till she began to fade away.

"I have to go now Daddy, I shouldn't be here."

"Wait! I want more time, please don't leave me again Isabelle I am so sorry. I am so sorry I didn't protect you, please Isabelle take me with you." As she faded away I once again heard her sift little giggle.

"Mr. Cullen are you okay?" A big burly looking nurse came in my door and grabbed my hand.

"I could hear you yelling from down the hall is everything okay?" She was waiting for an answer I couldn't give her. So I said nothing.

"Here I will give you something to help you sleep." She walked over to the counter and withdrew a syringe. I don't know what happened right then but I snapped , something in me snapped. I started flailing my arms around and screaming and yelling at her. At one point I think my hand collided with her face and I saw her sprawl out on the floor. She called for someone to come and next thing I knew I was being held down by four sets of arms and being strapped to my bed. I watched as they injected me with something and felt my whole body go numb as my world once again faded into darkness.

Bing Bring…bring bring…..

Who the hell could that be. I lo9oked over at my clock it was one o'clock in the morning. Shit don't people ever sleep.

I smashed my hand on the bedside table reaching for the phone and yelped in pain.

"Hello." I said groggily into the phone. Thinking whoever the hell this was had better have a damn good excuse calling me in the middle of the night on the one night I actually got to sleep.

"Bella, Bella…..you need to get down here right away." Angela said in a hushed urgent tone." Something happened….Jane had to sedate Edward…he was freaking out….and now they are talking about keeping him sedated for the next few days till they can figure out what is going on…." I didn't wait for Angela to finish I flung the phone across the room and jumped out of bed, desperate to get to 'my Edward' and help him. I was angry, I was livid. How dare they treat him that way! But before I reached the clinic I quickly called Mr. Cullen just in case. I knew I was in for one hell of a fight and might need him there to back me up. I knew he would, I knew he would never allow such treatment to be forced upon his son.

**A/N ---I really hope you liked this chap…for some reason I had a real hard time with this one, so I hope that doesn't show in my writing. Please review!**


	6. Jail Break!

**So as odd as this sounds I would like to say a HUGE thank you to my husband, Adam, even though he is not a member on this site. I want to make sure I give credit where credit is deserved, and let me tell you this chapter was very hard on me, it just wouldn't work for me and I have spent a HUGE amount of time on it. Within hours my husband had talked me through it and TADA here is what came from that conversation and coaxing. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer ~ Still don't own Twilight or the characters.**

**Chapter 5 – Jail break!**

**EPOV**

Where am I? This all looks so familiar, so why don't I know where I am?

I was walking along a beautiful beach all alone, I could feel the wind in my hair, and it smelt amazing. Like salt and fresh cut grass. I inhaled deeply enjoying the fresh air and smells I was surrounded with. The sun was bright and warm, I raised my head and peered at it using my hand to shield my eyes. It was a bright yellow, with a tinge of orange along the outside rim of it. So bright, so beautiful.

I watched as a black haze slowly started covering its beauty. Hiding it from me.

I looked down and across the beach, I could see a thick, cloudy fog ascending in the distance. I cocked my head to the side. Where the hell did that come from?

I blinked a few times, thinking I was just seeing things, and then noticed a small form approaching me from within the thick fog.

"Isabelle?" I tried to yell her name but it came out as more of a pathetic whimper.

She smiled.

I tried to run to her, but it felt like the sand was now quick sand, and the more I struggled the slower I went. I slowly trudged towards her, aching to have her by my side, in my arms.

Finally! I could see her clearly now, she was but a mere few inches from me now, I slowly lifted my arm and tentatively grazed my trembling fingers across her cheek.

I gasped!

I could feel her, I could touch my baby. She wasn't dead after all.

I pulled her into my arms and squeezed her tight. I felt her little hands slid up into my hair and twirl an unruly lock between her fingers.

"It's not your time Daddy, you need to go back." Her voice trailed off, I opened my eyes to look at her, she looked so sad. I opened my mouth to begin protesting with her. To tell her there was nowhere else I would rather be. But she held her tiny little finger against my lips as she began to fade away into nothingness.

It's…not…your…time…Daddy" The wind whispered in my ear.

I began sobbing uncontrollably. My whole body trembling.

I could now hear other voices, people talking, NO yelling!

I struggled to open my eyes, I don't even remember closing them?

"GET THE HELL OUT; I'VE ALREADY CALLED HIS PARENTS. THEY WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE, SO I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT CAUSE I AM SURE THEY ARE GOING TO EXPECT ONE HELL OF AN EXPLANATION."

What a beautiful voice. Angry but still beautiful. I wonder whom it belongs to.

My eyes finally ripped open, the bright light was blinding, I squinted trying to make out the form in front of me.

"It's okay Edward." The glorious voice cooed, "Your parents will be here soon and they can take you away from this horrible place." I felt her squeeze my hand gently as her other hand brushed a stray lock away from my eyes.

I struggled to stay awake, to answer her. But my lids were too heavy, the urge to sleep too strong.

I couldn't fight it, I wasn't strong enough.

**BPOV**

Edward had fallen back to sleep, but still I stayed, pacing his room, waiting for his parents to arrive.

I was so angry, so disgusted. I knew I would be in trouble, LOTS of trouble for what I had just done, Nurse Norma was sure to tell Dr. Masen what I had done and he was sure to fire me, or at very least put me on a long suspension.

"Screw that!" I hissed to the empty room, well aside from Edward's sleeping form.

They had no right to tie him up, to sedate him, to treat him like some sort of animal. He was a human for god sakes, a beautiful human, and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him like that. Any normal person would have done the same thing, right!

Flashback~~~

_I flew into Edward's room, just in time to witness Nurse Norma practically sitting on Edward's chest while fastening arm and legs restraints on him._

_Angela was standing by her side, needle in hand, looking like she had seen a ghost._

_I immediately saw red, "What the hell do you think you are doing?" I screeched at Norma._

"_Stay back nurse Swan, this is none of your concern." Norma said curtly._

_I couldn't bear to stand by watching them maul him like some sort animal, he was just scared, my vision blacked out as an uncontrollable, fierce urge to protect him coursed through me, a low growl of sorts escaped my lips, Norma turned to face me, confusion flashed across her face, I lunged at her, grabbed her by the hem of her overcoat and pulled nurse Norma off of him pushing her right out the door, she scowled at me, "You will be sorry , very sorry nurse Swan. She huffed, he r chubby cheeks jiggling as she blew a frustrated raspberry while shaking her head at me. I slammed the door in her face. I knew I would be in trouble but I couldn't quite bring myself to give a damn right now. _

_I had forgotten poor Angela was still in the room, as I turned and took in the guilt ridden expression on her face. I tried to smile at her, but it came out more as a grimace._

_Lowering her head, she placed the syringe she was still holding on the bedside table, "You didn't see him Bella, he was delusional, he kept calling out to his daughter. He was thrashing about and trying to pull out his IV. We were scared he might hurt himself or someone else." She murmured quietly as she scurried out of the room._

_I wanted to apologize to her or at very least thank her for calling me, but I couldn't form a single word. My mind was in such a constant state of fury I likely would have regretted anything I said anyways so it might have been a good thing. _

End Flashback~~~

Not even fifteen minutes later, Mrs. Cullen came rushing through Edward's bedroom door, still clad in her nightgown with an overcoat on. I immediately felt bad for waking them and dragging them into this in the middle of the night, but one small look at her distraught, pain filled face made me push those thoughts aside, I had done the right thing!

She rushed to Edward's bedside, gracing me with a small, grateful smile and a slight nod of her head as she passed by me.

"Oh, my sweet boy, don't worry, we are taking you out of this place immediately." She ran her fingers through his disheveled hair as she cooed soft, comforting words in his ear. "Your Dad is signing the release papers right now and has hired an amazing home nurse to stay with us and take care of you and your physiotherapy. Everything will be okay honey, I just know it." She whispered to his still sleeping form as a stray tear slipped down her face.

All of a sudden I got the feeling like I was intruding on some special moment between mother and son, I bowed my head slightly and crept backwards and out of the room.

As soon as I entered the hallway I could hear Edward's father's voice bellowing from down the hall. I scampered towards his voice and found him glaring at Dr. Masen, shaking his fist as he belted out threat upon threat, "You will hear from my lawyers, how dare you tie my son up, nowhere in his admittance forms was there a section that said please sign here to allow us to forcibly restrain you flesh and blood if he has a simple fucking nightmare."

Dr. Masen hadn't had the time he had become so used to, to prepare himself and a speech for Mr. Cullen, and appeared at a loss for words for a moment.

He shook his head and looked at Mr. Cullen pleadingly. I immediately felt a tug at my conscious, he didn't deserve to be berated like this, but he hadn't been witness to the scene I walked in on in Edward's room earlier. And as far as I was concerned, he shouldn't be hiring nurses like Norma, heartless, hardened woman who had seen too much pain in their time to be subjective anymore.

I tentatively lifted my hand to knock and announce my presence, but just then Mr. Cullen turned my way, a very small smile crossed his pained features momentarily as he walked towards me plucking the discharge papers and Edward's file from Dr. Masen's fingers along the way.

So softly I almost missed what he was saying, "Thank you nurse Swan, we really do appreciate the phone call." He whispered as he stalked out the door. I nodded, but didn't glance up to meet his gaze.

I was ashamed with the behavior the facility I worked for had shownand the unprofessional way they had handled the sensitive situation this evening, and even though I had no part in it, I still felt guilty. Like some way I could have prevented it from happening. Somehow!

"I will deal with you in a minute Ms. Swan; right now I have to try to convince Mr. Cullen that he is making a very grave mistake." Dr. Masen hissed as he stormed out after Mr. Cullen.

I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes. I knew what was about to come and I also knew that Dr. Masen was within his right to suspend me but I wasn't in my right mind tonight and decided I would take matters into my own hands. I would deal with this how I saw it, the only way I could and still feel good about myself and the situation.

I watched from the window as Dr. Masen followed Mr. and Mrs. Cullen out the door, an orderly pulling a still sleeping Edward out on a gurney right behind them.

I could hear Dr. Masen pleading with them to keep their son here, telling them there were still many things going on with him that we had yet to understand, that we still needed to run many more tests to even begin to understand the complexity of his case.

Then I heard him say something that shocked the shit right out of me.

"Please at very least make sure he sees another doctor; he has been complaining about loss of touch, we are rather concerned about this and what the consequences could be for your son if left unattended."

Mr. Cullen pursed his lips and nodded curtly at him, before slapping the back of the ambulance to notify the driver it was time to go, he pulled a sobbing Mrs. Cullen into his arms and walked her towards a gorgeous car, which would likely cost more than a years' worth of my salary and helped her inside of it. He looked up where I was perched at the window and raised his hand as he ducked into his car.

I quickly scurried to the kitchen to at least get some much needed caffeine into me before dealing with Dr. Masen. I sucked back the sweet hot liquid as quickly as my poor burnt tongue allowed as I heard my name being paged over the intercom. I set my glass down, took in a few deep breaths and held my head high as I began my walk of shame with all the courage I could manage to muster up.

As I made my way to Dr. Masen's office I thought back to what I overheard him saying to the Cullen's just a few minutes ago. Why hadn't I heard of this 'loss of touch'? Why had no one informed me? Was it something that began just today?

I passed by the nurses' station, where Norma was glaring at me from behind the counter, as I looked away I noticed a slight smile form on the corner of her lips. Bitch! I thought as I held my head even higher.

With a plan in mind and a new resolve I strode right through Dr. Masen's door without knocking, hands perched on my hips.

He looked slightly thrown by my stance, apparently expecting me to come crawling in begging for his forgiveness and understanding like I normally would if something went wrong. Ha! Not this time.

He opened his mouth about to begin what I am sure would be a lengthy lecture before my impending dismissal, but I raised my hand to silence him, he snapped his mouth shut and scrunched his brows together in frustration.

"First, I have a question." I began resolved on getting the answers I so desired before he could begin belittling me. "What were you talking about when you said Mr. Cullen has been complaining about loss of touch?"

Confusion followed by understanding flashed across his face. "I see you were paying attention as I was left to deal with the fuming Mr. Cullen." He walked behind his desk, ran his hand through his now messy hair and lowered himself into his chair before he continued. "I will tell you Ms. Swan, but only because aside from this incident I have the utmost respect for you and what you do, I have seen you with your patients and the love and compassion you bestow upon them as you care for them here, but do not let my decision leave you thinking this evening will go unpunished, cause it won't." He clasped his hands together on the desk and motioned for me to sit.

I nodded in understanding and slowly sat, perched rigidly on the edge of my chair in front of him, anxious for him to continue.

"Mr. Cullen spoke with one of the physiatrists early in the evening and confessed his new found numbness in his arms, legs and face. Apparently he can't feel anything when we touch him. We even subjected him to slight pain and nerve tests, with his permission of course. "He shook his head and closed his eyes. "There was no response what so ever from him, it was like we hadn't touched him in the first place. I have never seen anything quite like this, and frankly it has me frazzled. I can only hope the Cullens' take my advice and seek out another doctor to deal with his case. A nurse won't be enough. There is something seriously wrong with that man." My heart lurched as I took in the serious, confused expression on Dr. Masen's face. I didn't realize things had taken such a scary turn during my one day absence.

"Now back to the matter at hand, I agree nurse Norma could have dealt with this situation a bit differently and I will deal with her and her aggressiveness as soon as we are done here, but I cannot ignore the fact that instead of coming to me you went straight to the patients parents and caused quit a ruckus I might add. Two weeks suspension Swan, that should give you some time to get your act straight and some time to think over the ramifications this incident might bring upon the clinic."

I slowly opened my eyes as I rose from my chair, I looked him straight in the eye, "That is awfully kind of you sir" I started softly as I handed him a plain white envelope with his name on the front of it. "Please take my two week suspension as my two weeks' notice, in that envelope is my written notice. I will NOT be returning." I stated plainly laying heavy on the **NOT** so he understood this was not a discussion, this was my decision already made with no room for compromise.

He nodded his head, while he fingered the envelope, "I see. Well I am sorry to see you go, but I respect your decision. Please don't hesitate to use me as a reference in any job searching you might do as well if you are ever ready to come back there will always be a place here for you." With that he stuck his hand out and shook mine firmly.

I spun on my heal before my resolve had a chance to waver. I emptied my locker and said goodbye to Angela, finally thanking her for calling me earlier and told her to make sure she stayed in touch.

I looked back at the clinic one last time before ducking out of the chilly drizzle that had just begun. Oh, how suited the weather was for this moment.

**A/N ~ Wow…so now Edward is home. Losing himself and poor Bella is jobless but quite headstrong and determined to move on. **

**I know what ur wondering…how on earth is this a Bella/ Edward story when they are nowhere near each other right???? Well what do you think should happen next???? How would you like to see this story play out???? Lemme know in your review or Pm me please.**


	7. Sweet Surrender

**Disclaimer ~ Still don't own Twilight or the characters.**

**Chapter 6 - Sweet Surrender**

"Edward honey, it's time to wake up!"

"Edward honey, it's time to wake up!"

"M..o..m?" I whispered hoarsely, my throat felt like I had ate sandpaper for dinner last night and washed it down with a cup of shard glass.

"Yes sweetie, I am right here." She grasped my hand with a strength I didn't know she was capable of. My vision finally cleared enough that I could make out her face, "Oh, Mom." I gasped! I have never in my life seen her look so broken, so lost.

"I pulled her forward and into my arms with the little the meager amount of strength left in my aching body. I coddled her like a child, whispering promises I could not really promise, but knew she needed to hear right now.

"What can I do baby? Tell me how to make this better for you. Help me understand." She wept on my shoulder.

She was my mother, the only woman in my existence that was always there for me, whenever I fell and needed a band aid, whenever I needed someone to talk to or just to listen, whenever I woke from a bad dream. ALWAYS.

"I…see…her." I choked out so quiet I wasn't sure if she heard me. "She comes to me at night, I don't know what she wants……..Oh Mom…she looks so sad…..I don't….know how to help her…" Sobs now racked my entire body and it was her turn to coddle me. Whispering soothing words I remembered from when I was a child. It was oddly comforting. I made no effort to conceal my pain this time, not once did I try to hide my tears as she gently brushed them away one at a time. Never again would I push my mother away. NEVER!

"EDWARD…MOM…DAD…ANYBODY…?"

My head jerked up as Alice came bounding in the door gasping for air and looking like a crazy woman.

As soon as our eyes met, her tiny form came flying at me in a blur and before I knew it she was on me and peppering kisses all over my face and hugging me with ferocity no woman her size should be capable of.

"Ut….Ummm." Jasper cleared his throat from the door way, "Sorry didn't mean to interrupt your little family reunion." He said smiling, obviously happy to see us all together once again. "But Anthony is getting rather fussy." He chuckled, "I think he wants to eat." Raising his eyebrow at me, it clicked, OH. Alice was breastfeeding. "Of course, go on Alice." I could see she was hesitant to leave me but I could also tell she wanted nothing more than to go to her little baby."Go on, I will be here when you get back. And you had better bring that cute little boy with you, I am dying to meet him."

She smiled brightly at that and bounced out of the room with promises of retuning shortly and me finally meeting my little nephew.

Jasper and I talked a for a few minutes, mostly about the pregnancy and the birth, and how much respect he had gained in such a short amount of time for my tiny little sister and everything she endured to bring him his little boy. I smiled knowing exactly how he felt. I had been there once too. DAMN. That hurt, the searing pain in my chest was back as I inadvertently thought about Isabelle and all the joy she had brought to my life in her short existence. A plump tear slid down my cheek before I was able to stop it and Jasper patted my shoulder.

"Sorry man, that was inconsiderate of me, after everything you have been through…I didn't…mean…" "Don't worry about it, I know you meant well, and I want to hear about everything I missed while I was gone, it's always going to hurt and I can't hide from it forever. I…need to start….accepting…it." My voice trailed off as I finished my reply, finally understanding the weight of my words and what I knew I had to do. I had to let go. Let go of my dear Isabelle. If I didn't it would tear me to pieces and in the end I would only drag my family down with me. I couldn't do that to them, I could tell they had been through so much already.

"I hate to interrupt your little chat dear, but I think it is time to get you all settled in and your new nurse is here, I would like to go over everything with the two of you, is that okay?" I nodded and slapped Jasper's shoulder before he left the room, giving us time to clean me up a bit before the nurse came in.

"Mrs. Cullen, are you in here?" Came a whinny, frustrated voice from the doorway.

A young girl about twenty two years in age, with long brown hair and blue eyes stood at the doorway rolling her eyes and she sauntered in my room without waiting for a response and popped down on the chair across from me.

"Sorry, I just didn't like think I would ever found you, this house is huge and there are so many people here. I can't tell you how many times I mistook someone for you Mr. Cullen well actually I can…twice." She giggled then in a way I can only describe as school girl-ish. I disliked this girl already.

My mother began going over the house routine and what was expected of Jessica, she gave her papers that outlined the current physio activities I was working on, a small recap of my medical history as well as emergency numbers and contact information for both her and my Dad in the event anything happened and they were not home.

Finally after way too many minutes of listening to Jessica giggle and drool over me like some sort of school girl with a crush, my mother escorted her out of my room to show her where she would be staying. She was to be available and working with me during the hours of seven am and six pm, she was welcome to come and go and she pleased during the remaining hours, she also had Sundays off. Today was Wednesday; Sunday just couldn't come fast enough.

"Come on Edward, I know you can do it, here put your arm around me." I grimaced at her sickenly sweet, yet grotesque attempt to sound sexy. I shuddered.

It had only been two weeks and already I was close to jumping out my window the second I heard her feet padding down the hallway on her way to my room.

The first week surprisingly wasn't too bad. It took everything in me just to put on a fake smile every morning when she brought me my breakfast. However I learned rather quickly not to bother cause even something as simple as a smile seemed to only encourage her and her flirting all the more. It disgusted me. I had tried talking to my Dad about it, but he just simply explained that good home nurses were hard to come by and Jessica had come highly recommended by a buddy of his he played golf with and he didn't like the idea of having a complete stranger in our home to begin with. So, to alleviate the stress I was causing I let it go. Thinking I could easily deal with a simpleton like Jessica if need be.

I begrudgingly wrapped my arm around her shoulder and let her lead me across the gym floor, back and forth we went five times over before my legs started to give out. I flopped onto the floor mat; Jessica sat in front of me and lifted my leg to begin the circulation massage she now did twice a day. I personally thought it was unneeded now that I was walking again, but I didn't want to make a fuss about it in case it was indeed something that should be done on a regular basis, hence making myself look like a petty fool.

"Mind if I join you in here for dinner tonight Edward? I'm kind of lonely and I can't find your mother anywhere to see if she'd like to join me?"

I groaned inwardly, I couldn't just say no to her, that wasn't very gentlemanly, damn. I looked at the clock it was already six and every night around seven thirty she went out, I could do this. I could put up with her for another hour and a half.

I nodded, motioning for her to pull up a chair and join me.

She chattered on nonstop about just about anything and everything really. Her first cat, her last cat, and every cat she had had in between. Her many boyfriends, well I thought she was leaving a bunch of them out but she did tell me about a good seven of them. She likes playing beach volley ball, she loves watching Disney movies, and her favorite is Lady and the Tramp. Man I hope it is possible to bleach ones brain of horrid memories.

As she rambled on I let my mind wander as I did so very often these days. I thought of nurse Bella, if she were here I would be having a normal free flowing conversation, not this bullshit teenage talk Jessica was spouting. I wouldn't have to cringe every time I heard footsteps in the hallway. I wouldn't have to take Advil constantly just to ease the pain her voice caused my every cell. I lost myself in my thoughts, Jessica climbing onto my bed and forcibly kissing me right on the lips jarred me back to reality.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I bellowed.

She looked at me with confusion, why would she be confused? "But…but….I told you I liked you…you smiled…I thought…you wanted this too." She stuttered looking utterly embarrassed and rejected.

Shoot! I must have been smiling when I was thinking of Bella and she mistook that as me actually paying attention to what she was saying and responding to what she said. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I was once again distracted by my thoughts for a moment. It still bewildered me that every time I touched something is was like I was not touching it at all. No feeling what so ever in my hands, not even a numb tingly feeling.

"I am so sorry Jessica. I was thinking about something else, I am sorry I should have been paying attention to what you were saying." I lowered my eyes to the food tray in front of me."I'm sorry but I just don't see you that way. I…I don't think this is going to work."

"WHAT?" She started pacing the floor, stomping her feet every so often, she reminded me or a child having a temper tantrum, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her actions.

She spun and glared at me, "Don't you dare laugh at me! I can't believe you're firing me over something so trivial…"

"What's so trivial?" My mother's sharp tone interjected. It was clear she did not appreciate the tone of voice Jessica was using with me.

Jessica's face turned a bright crimson color as she began stammering out some lame excuse."Oh nothing….we were….just having a slight misunderstanding."

"And that gives you the right to speak with my son like that?" She looked questioningly at Jessica.

"That wasn't a question, I think we both know you would never have a right to use that tone with my son. Now Edward how about you tell me what exactly was just going on."

Shit! Do I tell her? I can't lie to her, damn!

"Jessica hit on me, took my smile as encouragement and pounced on me. I told her I couldn't return her attraction and told her I didn't think this." I motioned between me and her, "would work out. She got offended and defensive and…that is when you came in." I ran my hair through my very greasy feeling hair, yuk, I had better have a shower tonight, or at very least a bath.

I hadn't bathed much since Jessica came, it made me feel uneasy with her eyes trailing my body all the time I wasn't sure I would actually be safe barely clothed and defenseless in water with her. Once again I shuddered bringing myself back to the current problem at hand.

"Well I agree Edward. Jessica you are dismissed. I will have your final paycheck in the mail tomorrow, please leave your key on the hook on your way out. I am going to bathe my son, when I am done, I expect you to be gone." With that begin said she swiped her hand toward the door, like one would swat at an animal to keep it out of your food. Jessica huffed but did not say another word. Boy was I grateful for that and for the bath I was about to have.

I gingerly rose from my bed, smiling gratefully at my mom, "Thanks Mom I haven't had a bath in weeks, I have got to stink to high heaven."

She chuckled slightly and walked past me into the bathroom, as I entered the room I stripped down to my boxers and held her hand for support as I lowered myself into the steaming hot tub.

"Daddy wake up!" I pried my heavy ids open and was rewarded with the sweet site of my beautiful daughter.

"Hey baby." I could barely manage to force those words out, my throat felt clogged, a slight burning sensation was beginning to fill my lungs, I leaned forward clutching at my chest, fighting to take in small gaps of air.

I briefly saw the petrified look in my poor Isabelle's eyes as she screamed at me, "DADDY WAKE UP!"

I jolted upright and noticed my mother was in the tub with me, standing over me, soaking wet and screaming for my father while wild tears splashed about on her deathly pale face.

"Mo…om…"I sputtered, spitting up some water. I was overcome by a coughing fit. By the time I was able to calm the coughing down and form actual words, my Father came rushing into the bathroom, he immediately pulled my mom from the tub and griped onto me hauling me out of the chilly water and onto the cold hard tiles.

"What….what happened?" Tears of frustration and confusion began spilling over my eyes. Blurring my vision and hurting my already pounding head.

I felt dizzy and light headed. I vaguely remember my Mom and Dad wrapping me in blankets and carrying me to my bed as I fell in and out of consciousness, the last thing I heard was my mother tersely begging me to never to scare her like that again. I nodded weakly as I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**BPOV**

I got home and threw my stuff on the counter, I was mentally exhausted and the only thing currently on my mind was sleep. I tossed my clothes on the floor in my room and pulled on my P.J's, I threw the covers back and sighed as I lowered myself into the soft comforting blankets.

Ring…ring…ring… "Shit! You have got to be kidding me."

I decided to ignore the phone; my sleep was much more important right now.

I heard the soft click of the answering machine kicking in, I listened intently just to make sure it was no one important.

This message is for Isabella Swan, this is Doctor Gerard calling, we met awhile back about your brother Emmett, I…umm…need you to call me as soon as you can, your brother has taken a turn for the worst and we have to act fast, unfortunately he is still way down on the waiting list, so the option we discussed before…well it is now his only option and we have to start preparations immediately…that is if you are still willing to be his donor."

Tears flooded my eyes and I sprang from my bed and threw myself at the phone."I'm here, I'm here I yelled into the phone hoping he hadn't hung up yet. I heard him sigh on the other line.

"I'll do it Dr. Gerard, I'll do it." I whispered.

**A/N ~ So what'd ya think????**

**My next chapter might take a bit longer for me to post, I have a lot of research to do before I can finish it up ~ groans~ so please bare with me k! BUT if you want a quicker update ya know what to do right….review and inspire me :)**


	8. Out of time

**Chapter 7 – Out of time**

**Disclaimer ~ still don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**Read, enjoy, review!**

**Fair warning this chapter is much longer than most. Sorry, had a lot to pack into this one!**

**BPOV**

I slid my clothes back on, tears pouring down my blotchy cheeks. As I thought about what this meant for Emmett, what this meant for me.

There was nothing in this world I wouldn't do for my brother, he had saved my life after all and because of me he was now laying in the hospital half dead, depending on me now to save his life.

Was I scared? I thought about that for a second longer than I would have liked to. But ultimately decided HELL YA I was. Who wouldn't be?

I knew it was a relatively basic procedure done thousands of times a year but I also remembered the complications the doctor had informed me that could happen. Even though they rarely did, it was still something I had to consider.

I absentmindedly ran my finger down my stomach and rubbed the small scarring on my lower hip, it was a constant reminder of what happened and how much I owed my life to my brother.

My whole body was now shaking violently with sobs, my tears now splashing on my lap as they slipped off my chin. I lowered myself onto the floor trying to calm my breathing and hopefully subside my tears enough to be able to drive to the hospital safely. Involuntarily my mind thought about Emmett and that night almost a year ago.

**Flashback ~**

"_Charlie did you make sure everything is locked up?" He nodded. "Did you give Emmett our numbers in case they need to reach us?" He grunted. "Did you…" _

"_Yes Renee I made sure everything is done, I even checked it off the massive list you gave me, now come on hunny we need to get going or we will miss our reservations." Charlie interrupted clearly annoyed with my mother's over protectiveness. I rolled my eyes at them from my place on the stairs. My dad caught that and gave me a warning look. We both knew if my Mom had seen it she would launch into a big lecture on safety and how one can never be too safe. I clamped my hand over my mouth to cover my chuckles as my dad led my mom by the waist out the door._

_My Mother never ceased to amaze me, here I was in my Twenties and my brother was two years older than me, and she w3a still treating us like children. Yes we still lived at home, but not because we enjoyed freeloading but because we loved our parents, we were a very close family and never bored of each other. It was nice, it was surreal, and it was us._

_Just as the door clicked shut Emmett popped his head out of his doorway cautiously, "They gone yet?" He whispered. I nodded, chuckling at his relieved expression._

"_Alright then, I'll set up the WII if you'll order the pizza." He boomed while making his way to the game room._

_We spent the next hour or so playing Mario Kart WII. "Screw this I don't want to play with a cheater anymore."Emmett grumbled. I snorted. "There is no way you are beating me with actual skill, what are you doing that you aren't allowed to do Bells?"_

"_Oh screw you Em, you are such a poor loser." I threw the remote on the couch and puffed my cheeks out at him. I jumped from my spot on the couch and stormed up to my room. As I slammed the door shut I could hear Emmett load footsteps as he followed me up the stairs. I smiled. He was so cute when he was trying to be sorry. I struggled to wipe the shit eating grin from my face, I wanted to drag this out a bit, and maybe if I could manage to I could convince him to watch 50 First Dates with me._

_I was so caught up in my scheming I damn near jumped out of my skin when he started pounding on my door, I scrambled away from door and plopped on my bed. _

"_Come on Bells, you know I didn't mean it." He whined through the door._

_I bit my pillow trying to contain my giggles. Too cute._

_I heard him slid down my door, and pictured him curled up against my door with his head in his hands while he contemplated his next move._

_I slowly rose from my bed, I knew he was about ready to cave, which meant he'd give me anything I wanted if I'd just open the door. Emmett never could stand me being mad at him._

_I heard a small frustrated groan and grinned. So close._

"_Fine Bells, you win. I was an ass. You don't cheat, you are just better than me, BUT only at that game." He grumbled. Man he was always so uptight about his video games._

"_And?" I said in the saddest voice I could muster up without breaking out into fits of laughter._

"_And, I will make you a sundae and we can watch a movie together."_

"_Do I get to pick the movie." I slowly made my way closer to the door. I heard him push off the door and knew he was now standing with his ear pressed to the door to hear me better. A wicked grin spread across my face._

"_Fine, you can pick the movie, but no oldies okay." I swung the door open as he fell to the ground at my feet. I couldn't hold back my laughter anymore, I fell on his chest , clutching my now painful sides._

"_Deal." I sputtered between giggles._

_I curled up in my bed and Emmett sprawled his giant form along my couch in my room. He tried making a fuss about the movie I picked but I just held up my finger and reminded him he had promised._

_Not even half way through the movie I heard his soft snores coming from the couch, I rolled my eyes and glanced at the clock, it wasn't even eight yet. Within minutes I had fallen asleep as well._

_I woke up from a coughing fit, my lungs were burning, the second I opened my eyes they began tearing, there was smoke everywhere, thick hot smoke. What the hell was going on._

_I flung my blankets back and fell to the floor, crawling across the floor I made my way over to my still sleeping brother and shook him roughly._

"_Em, wake up. Em I need you. " He grunted and tried to roll over. I grabbed his hand, "Em, I think there's a fire, I am …." I couldn't finish my sentence as I inhaled a huge mouthful of smoke and began to choke._

_Emmet sprung up and thrashed his head around, taking in the scene before him. He was at my side and had me in his arms in seconds as he sprinted for the door._

_He swung it open and flames licked at my dangling legs, I screamed out in pain._

_Emmett quickly re-closed the door , he grabbed my cell phone from my bedside table, "Hi my name is Emmett Swan, I live at…" I didn't hear anything else, my breathing was labored my head was spinning, my body hung limply in Emmett's arms._

"_Bells, Bells, Please answer me. " I could hear my brother's panicked voice coming from somewhere far away, I tried to answer him, but it hurt too much so I stopped trying. Whimpering softly from the pain in my chest._

_I felt a gust of cool air hit me hard and I sucked it on greedily, slowly my vision came more into focus and I could see my brother Emmett standing over me. He lowered himself to my side, tears streaming down his face, he was shaking, he looked so scared. I was barely able to raise my hand but managed to run it across his cheek once trying to reassure him. "Don…t….cry…..Em……I…..lo…ve…you." I stuttered through my now chattering teeth._

"_I love you too Bells, please listen to me. The fire trucks are on their way, but there is no time, we can't wait. I…I…have to drop you out the window."_

_My eyes widened as what he was saying crept into my brain slowly, he was going to drop me out my bedroom window, my bedroom window as on the second floor, that was a far drop, I would get hurt._

_I began to shake as I grasped at his shirt with all the strength I had left in me. "No Emmy please don't hurt me." A fresh bout of tears leaked from my stinging eyes._

_I felt him lift me and began to maneuver me through the small opening of the window, "Please Bella, try to land on your feet, this is the only way, we have to get out of the house." He shook me rather roughly and I looked into his pained face. I knew what he was about to do was hard for him and he too was scared. I nodded my head. "Do you trust me?" I nodded again. "Jump Bells jump."_

_I pushed myself backwards and felt my body falling, my arms were flailing wildly around me but within seconds I felt my backside hit the hard ground and cried out in pain. I looked up at the window trying to make out Emmett's form through the thick smoke now billowing from my window. _

_I saw flashing lights bounce of the wall of the house and heard footsteps approaching, voices calling out, but still I stayed waiting for Emmett to join me._

_Finally I saw one of his legs dangling from the window, I sighed in relief, he was okay._

_Someone was now talking to me, "My brother, my brother." I chanted over and over again while pointing at my window._

_People were all around me now screaming and yelling out orders to each other. I tried to yell at Emmett to hurry up, but it came out more as a whimper._

_Within seconds of each other two things happened, I heard deafening booming noise and saw a bright, large flame shoot from my window, then I saw Emmett's body falling from my window, he landed with loud thud and bounced in front of me._

**End Flash back ~**

I shuddered and shook my head trying to shake the memories away. I rose shakily from the floor and grabbed my coat and keys. Determined to get to the hospital and do whatever it took to make him better again.

"Good morning Isabella" Dr. Gerard greeted me as he joined me in the hit, stuffy office.

I rose and shook his hand nodding my head at him.

"So I am going to get right down to business here. Your brother, well he had a relapse. His liver is weakening by the second. He is still way down on the waiting list and the only hope for him now is a live donor. You in particular." He ran his hands through his hair and shuffled some papers on his desk before he continued.

"We don't have the time to look for other live donors right now, it is imperative he gets this surgery as soon as possible. You have already been through the process, so it is now a matter of getting you to sign the medical papers and we can begin as soon as you are ready." He pushed some papers my way. I didn't even read them, just scrawled my signature in all the right places and pushed them back at him.

He sighed, "There are some things we need to go over before we can prep you for surgery, most of this you have already heard but it best we go over it again just to be safe."

"Okay." I whispered waiting for him to continue. I was so numb now. My whole body was numb, my brain was numb. I am surprised I was actually hearing him as he spoke.

I sat there twirling a strand of hair between my fingers as I listened to him drone on and on about stuff I didn't really care about.

"The liver is a unique organ. It is the only organ in the body that is able to regenerate... that is completely repair the damage on its own within time. With most organs, such as the heart, the damaged tissue is replaced with scar, like on the skin. The liver, however, is able to replace damaged tissue with new cells. In your brothers case he has suffered an overdose from Tylenol. In this case up to 50 - 60 percent of the liver cells may be killed within 3 - 4 days. However, if no other complications arise, his liver will repair completely, and a liver biopsy after 30 days will appear completely normal with no signs of damage and no scarring. However, the long-term complications of liver disease occur when regeneration is either incomplete or prevented by progressive development of scar tissue within the liver. This occurs when the damaging agent such as a virus, a drug, alcohol, etc., continues to attack the liver and prevents complete regeneration. Once scar tissue has developed it is very difficult to reverse that process. Severe scarring of the liver is the condition known as cirrhosis. The development of cirrhosis indicates late stage liver disease and is usually followed by the onset of complications. This is what has happened with your brother. His constant use of Tylenol." I scowled at him.

He raised his hands defensively at me, "Even when unintentional, this is the outcome, your brothers liver is just not strong enough, and has too much scarring to regenerate."

I took a few deep breaths, trying to take in everything he had just told me. He waited quietly, not interrupting me thankfully, a minute or two later I motioned for him to continue.

Do you understand everything I have told you Isabella? Do you have any questions so far?" He urged, obviously there was something he felt I should be asking, but I didn't."

"No, please continue."

He cleared his throat. "Okay now I will begin to explain your part of this process."

"Usually, livers for transplantation come from donors who have died. Some may have registered their wishes with the Organ Donor Registry, if not their family may have given permission. Unfortunately, there are not enough deceased donor organs available for today's growing list of people who are waiting for a transplant. Many patients waiting for liver transplants become too sick to undergo transplant surgery, or die while on the waiting list."

He paced in front of me, clearly lost in thought.

"Success with live kidney transplantation stimulated the development of live donor liver transplantation. The first successful live donor liver transplant was performed in the United States in 1989 from a mother to her child, who. Since that time, thousands of children and adults have received live donor liver transplants.

In a live donor liver transplant, a portion of the liver is surgically removed from a live donor and transplanted into a recipient immediately after the recipient's liver has been entirely removed.

Live donor liver transplantation is possible because the liver has the ability to regenerate or grow. Both halves of the liver used for transplantation regenerate to the size of a normal liver within a period of 4-8 weeks.

Selecting the right donor for a live donor liver transplant requires experience, skill and technical expertise on the part of the many doctors, nurses and other health care professionals who make up the Live Donor Team.

Potential live liver donors are carefully evaluated. The health and safety of the donor is the most important concern during the evaluation. Only donors in good health are considered. This you already know because you have already been through this evaluation. There is however a few questions I need to ask you before we go on."

"Alright, ask away." I tried to smile but it came out looking like some sick twisted grimace.

"Have you had sexual relations of any sort since your last round of testing here?"

I blushed, "No."

"Any drug use what so ever? Whether it be something smoked all the way to something injected."

My voice rose involuntarily, "NO."

"It's not that I believe these things about you, but it is my job to ask you these questions." He murmured apologetically.

I immediately felt bad for snapping at him, "Sorry sometimes I get a little defensive, when I am embarrassed. Please go on."

"Any psychiatric issues since we last saw you?"

"No."

"What about smoking? Are you still smoking Isabella?"

I grimaced, "Yes, but not much, maybe three or four smoke a day." He nodded and wrote something down on the paper in front of him.

He proceeded by doing some small tests on me, listening to my heart, checking my blood pressure, he took a few viles of blood and sent them down to the lab immediately, instructing the nurse who picked them up to put a rush on the blood work.

"Well luckily everything looks good." He said. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or himself.

"Okay so as you know Isabella with live donor liver transplantation, it is possible for the recipient to have surgery earlier while he is in better overall condition. However this is just not your brothers case, his liver has weakened significantly. In addition, with a live transplant, the time that the donor organ is kept on ice after retrieval is minimized. This improves the chance that the organ will function well. This works in your brothers' favor obviously.

I truly believe Emmett's best chance a full recovery is with this transplant and cannot tell you enough how amazing it is that you are doing this for him." He smiled.

"He would do it for me." I whispered mostly to myself.

"Now I want to talk to you about the potential risks, but first would you like to take a short break and maybe go see your brother?" He asked.

"Yes, that would be nice, is …is he conscious?"

"No, I'm sorry we have him on some pretty strong sedatives right now. He is in a lot of pain."

He showed me to Emmett's room, "Now don't be alarmed by his appearance, the most common symptoms are very non-specific and they include fatigue or excessive tiredness, lack of drive, occasionally itching. Signs of liver disease that are more prominent are jaundice or yellowing of the eyes and skin, dark urine, very pale or light colored stool or bowel movements, bleeding from the GI tract, mental confusion, and retention of fluids in the abdomen or belly. Your brother experienced many of these before admitting himself here at the hospital and that is why his skin has the yellow tint to it as well as the bright red rash along his arms from itching."

Tears sprung to my eyes as I heard the door click closed softly behind me, how long had this been going on? Why hadn't Emmett called me? I had left many messages for him over the last few weeks, but I was so busy with my own life I didn't even stop to think that maybe he hadn't returned my calls because he needed my help.

I sat holding his hand, weeping silently until I heard the door open, Dr. Gerard popped his head, "We really should finish that conversation now Isabella." I sighed and detangled my hands from Emmett's; I kissed him lightly on the forehead and followed the doctor back to his office.

After we both settled back into our chairs he handed me a coffee and I smiled gratefully at him. I hummed in appreciation as the sweet, hot liquid slid down my throat.

The doctor chuckled, "I thought you might like that." He was right, more than 'like' though, needed was much more accurate.

I watched the doctor take a sip of his coffee before he motioned for me to come closer, here are some pictures I would like you to look at, they are from the exact same surgery you are about to go through, just so you have some idea of what will be happening to you while you are out.

I flipped through them absentmindedly, not really wanted to see the grotesque pictures of people's insides. But understood the importance they held for me. I was a nurse after all, images like this didn't usually bother me, I guess maybe because this time it would be me they were cutting open, that that was why it now disturbed me slightly.

I placed them back on his desk just as he began informing me about all the possibilities of my surgery.

"There will be a whole team for the transplant, as I am sure you likely know. The transplantation team usually consists of a transplant coordinator, a hepatologist (liver specialist), and a transplant surgeon. It may be necessary to see a cardiologist (heart specialist) and pulmonologist (lung specialist), depending on the recipient's age and health problems, your brother will likely see both, you however will only deal with me, the surgeon and Dr. Lombard the Hepatologist, there is also the few you have already met, the clinical coordinator, and the social worker. You will also be required as stated in the forms you signed." He raised his brow at me, knowing fully well I did not read the damn papers. I blushed and lowered my lips to my coffee cup so I didn't have to look at him.

"To see a psychologist for a set amount of visits while you are recovering in the hospital and for a short period of time after you return home, you can then decide if you would like to continue the sessions after that."

I grunted my acceptance of this; still not brave enough to look him in the face.

"I can't stress enough the importance of you not smoking after your surgery, at very least until you have completely recovered.

As with all surgeries there are always risks involved, with this surgery the risks are very minimal but include, heart complications, strokes, blood clot formation in the legs or lungs, excessive bleeding and infection."

I gulped back a big lump that rose in my throat, I knew this already why did he have to make me relive all my fears all over again?

"I understand." I finally met his eyes and he nodded as my eyes met his.

"We got all your scans and assessments back a few months ago, and everything looks fine there. " He stated reassuringly while closing the folder he was currently holding.

"Usually I would schedule a pre-assessment clinic visit for you where you would talk over any questions you have with a nurse and she would explain all of this to you, but since your brothers case is so urgent that won't be necessary as I am doing that now, please make sure you ask any questions you may have no matter how silly they seem to you, I want you to be completely comfortable with your decision."

"Of course, most I understand being a nurse and all, but if anything comes to mind, I will make sure to ask you right away." I answered being completely honest.

"The actual operation is performed with the help of a number of individuals. An anesthetist who will stay with the donor from the time they come in the operating theatre until the time they wake up and are stable in the recovery room. The anesthetist is responsible for administering the general anesthetic as well as monitoring vital signs and maintaining normal heart and lung function during the operation. The anesthetist will also be involved in the post-operative pain management.

A team of nurses will assist with the operation and stay with you from the time you come into the operating room until you are stable in the recovery room." I sighed, that was good to know, I hated the idea of having a different nurse through the whole ordeal.

"During your surgery which typically requires 8-10 hours to complete, a segment of your liver will be removed through an incision that is either straight up and down or in the shape of an inverted "L." In most cases, the gallbladder is removed.

Your liver is then carefully divided into the right and left lobe. Depending on the difference in sizing of yours and Emmett's liver, and the liver anatomy, the right or left lobe may be selected for transplant. Usually the right lobe of the liver, which is slightly larger than the left lobe and is about 60% of the total volume of the liver, is the portion that is transplanted. Once separated, it will be flushed with preservative solution, cooled on ice and transplanted as soon as possible into your brother. This quick delivery of the liver graft minimizes the time the transplanted portion of the liver is without circulating blood. This in turn, increases the chances that the liver graft will function optimally right after transplantation. Your incision will then be closed with either self-absorbing sutures or staples, which are later removed during a follow-up visit.

In addition, during the surgery one or two intravenous lines will be inserted into you to provide fluids, and to allow for administration of medications. There may also be one or two tubes (drains) inserted into the abdominal area to drain bile or blood. You may be discharged with one or both of these tubes to be removed at a later date. The doctors and nurses will teach you about these drains before you leave if they are still in. A catheter will also be placed in your bladder to drain urine. Any questions so far?"

"Nope, think I got it all." I replied weakly, I wished he would just skip this crap, take my liver and get one with it.

"Okay then, Following the surgery, you will recover from anesthesia in the post anesthetic recovery room before moving to a surgical ward. There, you will be encouraged to get out of bed and sit in a chair the day following surgery. Walking the hospital corridor is also encouraged as soon as possible to prevent the formation of blood clots." This made sense, okay that part I could deal with hearing.

"Here, you will need to begin taking these immediately. Two in the morning with breakfast." He handed me a prescription container, I recognized the name of the medicine right away it was a very strong antibiotic. "These will help fight off any infection caused by the surgery and speed up the healing process as well, also you cannot smoke at all between now and the surgery date." He crossed his arms and looked at me expectantly.

"What? Okay! No smoking, I get it. I can do that." I huffed. He chuckled.

"Alright last but definitely not least, your post operative pain control. Pain is a 'complication' of surgery that is unavoidable but it is also something that can be well controlled with appropriate painkillers.

Immediately after surgery there are two ways of controlling the pain. One way is called an epidural analgesia and this involves placement of a small flexible plastic catheter in the upper back close to the spinal nerves.

Placement of the catheter is done in the operating room while the donor is still awake (using local anesthetic). Narcotics are infused through the catheter and this blocks the pain signals coming from the incision.

The catheter is usually left in place for three to five days. The narcotics do not block normal sensation or muscle function so patients can walk around with the epidural catheter still in place.

The second option for pain control is called patient-controlled analgesia (PCA). This involves the use of an intravenous narcotic (usually morphine), which is infused at a steady rate.

There is a control button the donor can push to give them an extra dose of narcotic whenever the pain increases. There is a limit to how frequently the button will work so it is impossible to administer a large dose accidentally.

The choice of pain control is largely up to you although some people with prior back surgery or back problems may not be good candidates for the epidural catheter.

The intravenous narcotics do have some side effects such as nausea, drowsiness and itchy skin. There is minimal risk of narcotic addiction developing in the few days that the drugs are administered.

The epidural catheter uses much less narcotic since it is administered directly to the spinal nerves so the drug side effects are greatly decreased.

Do you have a preference to which type of pain medication you are administered?"

I thought about this for a few minutes while the doctor sat patiently sipping his coffee waiting for my response. I hated needles, they bruised me so easily, but I hated the thought of an epidural even more. There settled, no epidural for me.

Umm…I think I would prefer Intravenous narcotics, I am not the biggest fan of needles never mind giant ones in my back." He chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh along with him at the irony of a nurse being scared of a needle.

"Alright then intravenous it is." He jotted something in his folder and went on yet again. I yawned, would this night never end?

"You can expect to be in the hospital for seven – ten days and experience pain and discomfort for about four -six weeks after surgery, particularly in the first week. Approximately ten days after surgery, a checkup will be required and the staples will be removed.

You will need time to rest and recover from surgery and it is recommended that six - eight weeks be allowed for this before returning to work. Light duty is also recommended for the first two weeks after surgery and strenuous activity and heavy lifting should be avoided for 6-8 weeks. You may resume driving within three – four weeks. Do you have a support person in place to assist you with things such as driving and preparing meals when you return home?" I choked on my coffee I was sipping a he asked this. Shit! I hadn't thought about that, hell I wasn't given time to think of anything really.

"Umm, no not yet. But I was thinking I would just hire a home nurse of sorts for the duration of my recovery." There that should please him.

This seemed to please him and he finished of his speech.

"About one to two weeks after you are released, I want you to come back and see me for a follow-up visit and lab work will be required at one month, three months, six months, nine months and then twelve months after surgery. There will also be routine follow-up ultrasounds of the liver and blood tests annually. Well that's about all I have to tell you, is there any questions you have for me at this time?"

"When are you thinking the surgery will be scheduled for?" A small hiver ran through me as I asked the only question I needed an answer for.

"You need to be on the antibiotics for at least five days prior to surgery and I need time to prep your brother and get my teams ready for the surgeries." He flipped open his calendar. "We will have you admitted next Monday at noon to give you time to get settled in, also you won't be able to eat that day at all so please eat hearty Sunday night. No fluids except water after midnight on Sunday and nothing at all to drink after noon on Monday when you arrive." He handed me a piece of paper I glanced at it quickly, it was just the same instructions he had just given me. I nodded.

"The surgery will be scheduled for six am on Tuesday morning, please make sure when you come to the hospital you bring comfortable, loose clothing, your toiletries and the name and contact information of your support person." With that I rose shakily, my legs now so weak they were trembling at the weight of my body, I shook his hand and thanked him for his time and promptly left the building. I didn't even stop to see Emmett again. I needed time. Time to process everything. Time to shake my fears and get everything prepared for Monday.

**So a big shout out to those of you who took the time to review my chaps. I do appreciate it and must admit getting your reviews is what keeps me going. I do hope you enjoyed the little sneak peak I sent in token of my appreciation. If you didn't get it by chance you may have your PM'ing feature disabled and will need to enable it for future sneak peeks!**


	9. Russian Roulette

**Chapter 8 ~ Russian Roulette**

**Sorry this is a short one y'all but I wanted to give you something and this is what I got. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer still applies.**

**BPOV**

The last five days flew by, literally. I can't even remember most of them.

I had contacted and hired a personal nurse. She would be at the hospital in a moment's notice if I were to be released any earlier than the 12th – the current release date as long as there were no complications that is.

I was shakier than shit, since I had not had a smoke now in five long, frustrating days. Emmett was so lucky he was worth this self inflicted torture I was inflicting upon myself.

Emmett woke up two days ago and although he was very weak, it didn't stop him from calling me and ripping me a new one. When I had originally got tested for this, he had been deathly against it. Not wanting to risk his little sister's life. I however went against his wishes and got tested anyways, but reluctantly agreed that we would only do the live donor option if and when it was an absolute must. So really he had no reason to be pissed, I had done what he told me and now we were at a crossroads – either I gave him a part of my liver or he died, no contest there!

Surprisingly he had enough energy to stay on the phone with me for almost an hour, a good forty minutes of it were spent with him yelling at me and telling me there was no way he was going to agree with this, I spent ten minutes trying to persuade him that it was even scarier for me to think about living a life without him, than living a life where he lived because I had one simple little surgery. Okay! So it wasn't a small simple surgery, more like a complicated, long surgery, but Emmett was my brother and I love him, and nothing and I mean nothing is more important than his life. He saved me and it is finally my turn to repay the favor.

I took one last look around my apartment before I locked the door and headed to the hospital.

I felt like I was playing a sadistic game of Russian roulette, as yet another nurse and doctor came into my room to explain the risks and tell me I still had time to back out of the surgery. It was like no matter what, the world seemed against me giving up one tiny piece of my liver. Like really I would have a better chance at convincing them to give me a gun with one live bullet, cause no matter what I told them, not matter how I answered there screwed up questions, I never seemed to give them the answers they were looking for. They would give me this peculiar look and nod their heads and leave the room immediately after. What the hell was that all about anyway?

Dr. Gerard finally came in to see me around eight o'clock.

"Hey Isabelle," He said lightheartedly as he fluttered into the room, folders in hand. He didn't wait for a response as he hummed and hawed while looking over the contents of the file.

"Hmm…I see the psychiatrist thinks your mental health is just fine. That is good. The physiotherapist says your body is more than capable to handle the surgery. He nodded his head in approval. The cardiologist says your heart is just fine. And best of all your blood work came back with minimal amounts of nicotine in it. Very good Isabella."

"Please, call me Bella; I don't know if I can handle yet another person calling me by my full name. I feel like a kid again. I haven't been address by my full name this much since I was in high school It is kind of eerie."

He chuckled softly, "Alright then, Bella it is!"

"So do you have any question 'Bella' before I leave for the night? There will be no time tomorrow for any. In fact the next time you see me will not be till after your brother surgery is complete, which won't be till late tomorrow evening, so I might not actually see you till I come in for rounds the following afternoon."

"Nope." I said popping the 'p' at the end to emphasize its meaning. I had asked and answered more than enough question these past eight hours to last me a lifetime.

"Alright then Bella, I will see you in a couple days then." He squeezed my hand affectionately, before grabbing his folder and leaving.

Beep…Beep…Beep….Beep

"Isabella it' time to wake up, can you hear me sweetie?"

"Hmmmm."

I tried rolling over. I didn't want to wake just yet. I was having the most amazing dream ever, but something held me back.

"Come on sweetie, you have been sleeping for well over two hours. The on call doctor will be in shortly to look you over and you being awake would make that so much easier."

Doctor??? What Doctor? Where was I? I tried one again to roll over to take in my surroundings, I struggled to open my eyes and just as I cracked them the tiniest bit, a bright harsh light assaulted my vision, I winced an pulled the only arm that would move over my eyes to protect them.

Slowly I was able to make out my surroundings. I was indeed in a hospital. There was a pudgy little nurse standing right beside me smiling like she had just won the freaking lottery. Arrrgghhh. I groaned at her exuberant expression. How could anyone be that happy in such a bright place?

"Well good morning Isab….I mean Bella, it is good to see you awake. Your vitals are all great and the surgery went smoothly, your brother has been in surgery now for just over an hour. Someone will come in when it is over and let you know how it went as well." Said a grey haired older gentleman I assumed was the on call doctor.

I suddenly remembered where I was and why I was here. EMMETT!


	10. You're who?

**K so I have a HUGE favor to ask…my husband is a bit of a…hmmm…how do I put this nicely….a competitive ass? Yea….that's close enough…anywho he posts stories on here as well…just for some video game crap I can't be bothered with and………… He seems to think Twilight isn't half as good as his crap and justifies this by my minimal reviews to his mounding ones….sooooo please please pretty please….if u only find the time to review just one single chapter….please do it this one so I can rub that shit in his face…..lol…petty I know…but man he erks me when he goes on his Twilight bashing.**

**Thanks in advance I soooo know I can rely on you guys…right!**

**Disclaimer still applies~**

**Chapter 9 – You're who?**

"Hey Em, how you doing?" He looked over at me with a half smirk on his pasty chapped lips, his eyes glazed over slightly and shakily lifted his hand towards me. I took it gingerly and lowered myself on the bed beside him.

It had been a week since the surgery, but this was the first time I had been able to come visit him. I was finally being released today, and let me tell you between the excitement of finally breaking free of this dreary place and the mass amounts of pain meds they had me on, I was in a constant state of delirium. I found although I knew most people enjoyed this type of high, I myself did not. It left me jittery and constantly checking over my shoulder thinking everyone was following me, I jumped at the slightest noise, and constantly felt like I was going to vomit. Yea, what not to like, right!

"How you feeling baby B?" This was Emmett's childhood nickname for me, it used to be tolerable, but as I grew older it always struck me as some kind of 'pet name' and irritated me to no end, especially when he called me it when our friends were around. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much. It wasn't like it was a horrible nickname, in fact when I was much younger I was a bit chubby and his choice nick name then had been horrifying once I was old enough to know what it meant, Butterball. I cringed just thinking it. Luckily the moment I figured out that my feet were meant for running, there was no stopping me, well except for the many invisible objects that constantly jumped out at me. But within a year of breaking in my feet I had lost all and more of my baby weight, so Emmett finally switched to baby B, but not before my mother was so kind as to mark that glorious nickname down in my baby book, along with a chubby picture of me, rolls and all with only a diaper on, the evil little woman even made sure to glue that shit on there so I couldn't get it out without destroying the precious keepsake. I growled lowly at the thought forgetting where I was. Emmett quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Sorry just thinking." I huffed. He laughed heartily but was cut short at a painful grimace took over while he clutched at his side.

"Alright there Big B, I think you've had more than enough play time for the day. I'm outta here, but I'll be back next week to visit you, and I expect you to call me every day. You understand me." I shook my tiny finger at him, momentarily distracted as I stared in a daze at the pretty colorful tracers my finger was leaving behind with each movement.

"Pretty stoned aren't ya Bells?" You could see the amusement mounting behind his dancing eyes just waiting to burst out with some snide comment.

"As if you're any better?" I retorted snidely.

"Touché."

"Alright I gotta go, my home nurse is in the hall right now signing my babysitting papers." I scoffed while rolling my eyes in annoyance. She was a friendly bubbly little thing. In her mid twenties and full of more energy than any one person should possess. She was easily half my size but had come highly recommended from Angela. She wasn't a registered nurse, but Angela had assured me I needed someone persistent and stubborn to take care of my defiant ass and had threatened me with someone the likes of big bertha if I didn't yield to this, so as the coward I am, I reluctantly agreed.

"I will, I will. Now get out of here before you force me to get my sore ass out of this bed and kick yours." I groaned, Emmett, always so dramatic.

I kissed his forehead lightly and whispered goodbye as his eye lids fluttered and his heart rate on the monitor steadied.

Home sweet home held nothing on what I was feeling the second I was pushed through the door of my apartment. I had never been so excited to return to my empty sanctuary in all my life, but come hell or high water nothing could have stopped me today.

I was practically bouncing in my wheel chair as we crossed the threshold.

"Well someone is excited to be home." The nurse chided, giggling softly at my uncharacteristic enthusiasm.

Apparently Angela had filled her in with all my quirks and every last bit of my attitude. I really couldn't help but be reluctant to accept help from others. I was a nurse after all, so it just seemed unnatural for someone to be helping me when I was so used to being the one helping others.

"So…umm…do you… umm...do this for a living." I sputtered trying pathetically to make small talk.

"Nope." She chimed, popping the 'p'.

How informative of her. "Okay…so why are you doing this then, and where did Angela hear about you if you don't normally do this?"

"Angela and I went to high school together. She called me because apparently you are hard to deal with and very stuck in your ways. She felt a nurse would not be qualified to handle the likes of you. So she asked me as a favor to come out and do this. I don't mind really. I design clothing for a living so I can do it pretty much anywhere really and my husband is gone away on business for the next couple weeks, so really you're doing me a favor but putting me u[p in your place and keeping me company." She giggled and plopped down on the couch in front of me.

"Umm… okay…well do you mind if I go take a shower now?"

"Of course not, let's go."

"Wait! Hold up. I said me take a shower. Nowhere in there did I say an 'us'" I cried mortified of the thought of being bathed by this pixie like girl.

"Nope, you didn't but I am joining you. So suck it up and let's get busy and get that god awful hospital smell off of you." She jumped up and grabbed a bag she had sitting by the door. I eyed it up skeptically. She noticed this and smiled brightly at me, "This, my dear is you new wardrobe for the next few weeks. Loose fitting pajama bottoms, hoodies, tank tops, and jogging pants."

You've got to be kidding me, she freaking shopped for this shit? I gapped as she showed me the brand new clothing with the tags still attached as proof.

Oh lord strike me down, I can't handle this kind of bonding.

I kept my thoughts to myself and concentrated on keeping my anxiety down as she wheeled me toward my impending strip down and sponge bath.

"So Bella, tell me about yourself."

"Umm… not much to tell really. I grew up in Forks, moved to Phoenix when I was six, moved back to forks when I was fourteen. Left for a few years to go to school. Moved back and have been here ever since."

She smirked at my evasive answer.

"Do you have a boyfriend."

"No."

"Do you…" She was blessedly interrupted by the shrill ringing of the phone.

She dashed out of the bathroom, and I quickly made haste and washed my breasts and crotch while she was out of eye sight.

She came bounding back in the room as I was wrapping a towel around myself.

"You're a sneaky one aren't ya? I should have known. No matter here let me help you to your room and we can get you dressed now." She chuckled while I glared daggers at her feet sure by now my face was beet red.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

"Bella, you open this door right now, or I so help me I will break it down."

I rolled my eyes and suppressed a giggle that threatened to escape my lips.

I had played sleepy while she was fluttering around my room fussing over me. So she went off to make me some tea. The second she was out of the room I bolted from my bed and clicked the lock in place.

A few minutes…really was that so much to ask for. It had been eleven long and very tedious days of her constantly hovering over me. Helping me shower. Changing my fucking pants for god sakes. Wanting to have girly chats. The girl never stopped talking boys and clothes.

I was literally going insane.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my frazzled nerves. Three more days Bella, three more days.

This was my new mantra and each day I said it religiously just switching up the number of days as the time progressed.

I could still hear her shrieking threats no matter how hard I tried to block her.

I huffed and squired out of my bed, I threw the door open angrily to find her standing there looking very smug and triumphant. "Stupid, cocky little pixie." I muttered as I retreated to my bed while she bounced along behind me.

I grabbed the phone off the nightstand and quickly dialed the hospital. I confirmed my appointment for the following day before requesting to be transferred to Emmett's room.

There was no answer.

I was about to place the phone back on the cradle when it rang and scared the bajeebas out of me.

I droned out the insane giggling beside me and answered the phone.

"Hello."

"Good afternoon, could I please speak with Isabella Swan?"

"This is her, how can I help you?"

"Hi, ... My name is Carlisle Cullen. Do you remember me?" I gasped. Of course I did. How could I forget?

"Uh huh."

"I'm calling to offer you a job. I tried the clinic but they told me you know longer worked there. There was a very nice girl though that answered the phone and she was kind enough to give me your number."

"Yea, that was likely Angela."

"Yes, yes that sounds about right." Now anyway back to my reason for calling. We've had some unfortunate mishaps with our home nurse for Edward and he refuses to try anymore. He wasn't necessarily excited about us calling you but surprisingly did not object to it either. I know I am asking a lot, but we really would be forever grateful if you'd consider it."

He sounded so desperate it made my heart clench. I wasn't sure if this was something I could handle right now. Not just because of my physical condition but my emotion state as well.

"Can I think about it and let you know?"

"Of course, but please don't take too long. We really do need someone as soon as possible."

"No matter my decision, I won't be available till next week." I informed him hoping this would give me an easy way out.

"That would be fine with me. We would require you to stay here at our home. In your own room of course and be available to our son at all times. You could have weekends' off and if you need to go to appointments during the week you can just let us know and we can arrange for one of us to be with him. You will be paid well for your time if you choice to take the job."

Did he really think money would thwart my decision? Probably, most people would jump at the word. Not me however. Money has never been an important thing in my life.

"And ahh…Isabella."

"Yes?"

"He asks for you in his sleep."

That was it for me, my heart soared at his words and without giving myself time to think that statement over my heart spoke for me.

"I'll be there Monday, please forward me your information, my fax number is 555-487-9863."

"Excellent. I am very pleased you have agreed to help us. Thank you Isabella."

"You're welcome and please call me Bella."

He chuckled, "Of course. We'll see you Monday Bella."

I let the phone drop to the floor as I sat there in a daze. What the hell had I just agreed to? I was going to be staying in the same house as that beautiful creature that had had me frazzled from day one for the past almost two years. I sure hope my heart could handle it.

"Utt…ummm."

"Oh, sorry I was lost in thought there for a minute I forgot you were here." I muttered apologetically.

"What was the phone call about if you don't mind me asking? It seems to have got you quite flustered."

I sighed. "That was someone offering me a job."

"And that's a bad thing why?" She edged.

"Well umm…I had this patient and he was in a coma for a long time. I kind of grew feelings for him, but it's been okay. It's been a couple months since I saw him, and just when I convince myself it was just some silly crush, his father calls and offers me a job being his home nurse. And to top it off I stupidly accepted his offer."

She giggled, "Too cute, Bella I think you're blushing."

I fanned my hair out trying to hide the obviously blush to my cheeks.

She ignored me," So when do you start?"

"Next Monday."

"Do you think you'll be well enough?" She questioned.

"Yes. I think I am fine." I huffed. "You've done a great job taking care of me." I added to sugar her up a bit. I didn't want her running off to the doctor and ratting me out or anything.

Just then the sound of the fax machine buzzing to life distracted her from her line of questioning.

I was about to get up and grab it but she fluttered from the bed before I could even swing my legs over the side of the bed.

She was just in front of me when she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyebrows pulling together as she read the fax.

She looked up at me in confusion, which was quickly replaced by unnatural excitement. She literally skipped over to me grinning from ear to ear.

"What the heck has got you so excited?"I asked completely puzzled by her reaction.

"Bella's got a crush on my brother." She sing songed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Had she gone crazy?

She was now bouncing on the balls of her feet, practically shaking with excitement and annoying the hell out of me. Maybe Angela didn't realize she was a nut bar when she suggested her to me I thought wryly. Just my luck right!

"You new patient, your old patient…the one you said you have feelings for…" She cocked her head looking at me as if I should be able to follow that mumble jumble.

"Yes, I think we already established that tidbit of information." I said sarcastically.

"Yes Bella I know that, what do you take me for, a moron?" She looked genuinely upset and I immediately felt bad for hurting her feelings.

"No, No. I am sorry, please I am just a little agitate. Please finish."

This seemed to appease her, for that I was grateful. For some reason I didn't like seeing her upset with me.

"The address on this fax Bella, it's my parents address. The man you are quivering about. He's my brother. Edward Cullen…I'm Alice Cullen…see the connection now?"

My jaw dropped and my eyes damn near popped from their sockets. This couldn't be happening, oh god, please tell me this is some kind of sick twisted joke.

**A/N~ Hehe…so yep…Edward is back in the next chapter….hope you all liked this one! Did you know it was Alice???**


	11. Family Ties

**A big thanks to Zombies run this town for looking over this chapter for me and correcting my many sleep depraved errors.**

**Chapter 10 – Family Ties!**

**BPOV**

"Alice, thank god you answered your phone. Where are you? My appointment is in less than an hour and you've gone A wall on me." I snapped frustratingly into the receiver.

"Calm down Bella, listen I am so sorry. I had an emergency. I will be there in like ten I swear."

"Alright sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just can't wait to get the okay from the doctor to go back to normal living again." I resigned.

I could hear Alice's voice muffled on the other line and a strange giggle followed.

"Alice? Alice are you okay? Is someone with you?"

"Ummm…yea…ummm…Bella I am just pulling in the parking lot. I'll explain when I get up there." With that the line went dead.

What the hell? What was that crazy pixie up to now?

I sat back on the couch and tried waiting patiently for Alice to make her appearance, internally trembling with fear over where she'd been. Ever since I learned she was Edward's sister, I had been walking on eggshells. She assured me she didn't want to cause me any distress and was thoroughly enjoying watching me squirm and had no intentions of giving up that enjoyable torture just yet. The 'just yet' was what had me worried, what did that mean anyways? When I asked her about it, she just smiled that evil little smile of hers and waved me off mumbling something under her breath about having it all figured out.

I huffed and glanced at the clock again, what was taking Alice so long? And who did she have with her?

Not five minutes later did I get my answer, in the form of a little cute bundle of joy!

"Bella, I'd like you to meet Anthony Masen Whitlock." She sang, her face beaming with pride and love.

"Ohhh…hi there cutie." I cooed as the little guy reached for my finger swaying near his chubby little cheeks.

I love babies. I just couldn't help myself, every time I got near one I got all mushy and baby like, they are just so darn cute and lovable. I could sit all day with babies and marvel in the little tiny amazing things they learn. Watching their facial expressions as they see things for the first time. A first butterfly for instance, I had watched this little girl many years ago come into the hospital with her mom, she might have been about a year old.

I hummed in happiness as I watched the two of them hand in hand walk up to the front entrance, the little girl toddling side to side trying to grasp the whole walking thing, just before they entered the front doors a swarm of butterflies flew by above them and the little girl instantly stopped. You could see the look of awe in her face as she took in this amazing beauty, likely wondering how those little fluttery things could do that.

I am not quite sure why I remember that moment so vividly, they were strangers to me, but something about the little girl just pulled at my heart strings and I immediately felt a strong pull towards her. It was a weird sensation and I felt like slapping myself for thinking so stalker- ish. But really it was just an insane intense feeling that baffled me the moment I felt it.

"Bella, Bella earth to Bella." Alice's snapping fingers dancing about in front of my eyes brought me back to the present.

"Oh…sorry Alice. I spaced out there for a moment. Listen, I guess we should be going, can Anthony come back here afterwards so I can play with him?" I asked quietly hoping she didn't find that strange.

Instead a huge sly smile spread across her face as her head bobbed up and down.

We drove most the way to the hospital in silence before something struck me.

"Ummm…Alice who's baby is that?"

"Mine of course, silly."

"Ummm…well where has he been while you have been at my place then?"

"At my Mom's. I go see him every day during your rest time." She giggled while making air quotes when she said "rest time". Sneaky little pixie.

"Well at least now I know why I had to rest four to five hours a day." I grumbled.

Alice giggled, "If I had known you would be so receptive to babies, I would have brought him over for visits."

What did she think of me? That I was some kind of baby hater or some crap, like really. "I think I'm offended." I scoffed.

"Don't be silly Bella. I just didn't think in your current state that you'd like to have a crying baby around. You know he's not always so quiet."

"Really? I never would have guessed. I thought babies couldn't cry." I deadpanned, she laughed.

"Well Bella your test results look good." Dr. Gerard's smile was wide as he shared this news with me. "How are you feeling? Any tenderness in your abdomen, any vomiting, any discharge or fouls smell coming from the incision?" He questioned.

I shook my head, "No, surprisingly I am feeling great. And I have had more than enough rest these past couple of weeks to heal completely, trust me my home care nurse hasn't so much as allowed me to wash myself never mind anything else." I bellyached. He chuckled. "The incision is already scared over and I have minimal discomfort, I will admit once in awhile if I move the wrong way it is a bit sore, but aside from that. Nothing!"

"That's excellent news. Lay back and let me take a look and we will have you out of here in no time." He chuckled.

After he finished his exam and decided he was pleased with the results, he asked me to come to his office and have a chat. I silently followed him, anxiously wracking my brain for any other matter he may need to address with me, my anxiety got the best of me and I spoke without realizing my mouth had even opened, "What's this about doctor? Is everything okay with Emmett?"

He opened his door and held it open for me. "Yes, everything is okay. I'm so sorry if I had you worried. But I was actually wanting to speak with you about him."

"Okay, what's this about then?" I questioned warily.

"Well your brother is doing great, his body seems to be accepting the new liver at an extraordinary rate, you'd swear the two of you were of the same body. He is still taking and always will take the anti-rejection drugs, but I think it's safe for him to go home now."

I smiled as a single tear slipped past my lid and silently said a prayer to anyone who was listening, thanking them for watching out for and taking care of my brother.

"Now in his discharge forms he states he has nowhere to go and suggests staying with a friend. This worries me and I was wondering if you might have room for him at your place."

"Of course I do, I have a patient I am taking on and won't really be using my apartment much, but I can get him a home nurse and he is more than welcome to stay at my house for as long as he needs to." I continued droning on and on about the good side of this and Emmett having to behave if he were in my home and how great of an idea I thought it was before the doctor silently put up his hand chuckling softly, "Whoa, slow down. I think you're right and agree with you wholly, no convincing needed. Why don't you go give him the good news and I will see what I can do about finding you a good home nurse?"

I blushed embarrassed by my excited outburst, "Thanks." I mumbled as I walked quickly out of the room.

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"Hey Em." I whispered as the door clicked softly behind me.

"Bells, how are you doing? Everything okay?" He croaked as he struggled to sit up. I rushed to his side and propped his pillow to make the challenge a bit easier, I knew how much Emmett hated feeling handicap in any way.

"I'm feeling great. What about you? I hear you're busting out of here soon." He grinned widely, "Hell ya, the doc says I'm outta here tomorrow." He hummed enthusiastically.

I smiled and had to fight internally with my emotions to stop the flood of tears threatening to escape. They weren't sad tears, no, they were tears of pure joy, aside from the slight tint of yellow tainting Emmett's skin he looked better than I had seen him in years. The light was back in his eyes, that sparkle, that one I grew to know meant trouble but was what I had grown to love most about Emmett. His childish, loving nature.

"Yea Emmy that is what I am here about." I choked on the first few words but bit back the lump that rose in my throat and forced the remaining words out. "I want you to stay at my place when you get out." He looked like he was about to argue so I raised my finger, put on the sternest, no nonsense look I could muster up and shushed him. "I don't want to hear it, so don't waste your breath. I am taking a patient on and have to stay at their home, so I am hiring a home nurse to help you around the apartment and there is no negotiating. Got it?"

Emmett's booming laughter filled the air and sent a tingle up my spine; it was such a wonderful thing to hear. Again I marveled at how alive he seemed, how different his demeanor was compared to that of just a few short weeks ago.

"Alright Bells, no arguments, for now!" Sneaky little shit!

I let out a half growl half bark, which made Emmett jump, he was not used to seeing me like this I am sure.

"No arguments, at all! You're my brother and I love you and I just gave up half my liver for god sakes. If you don't like being coddled just consider it me watching out for my investment." I chuckled as his brows creased together while he struggled to comprehend exactly what I just said. Seconds later his eyes shot up and once again the room was filled with glorious booming laughter. I smiled. Like really smiled, for the first time in a very long time.

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**APOV**

"Who's the cutest baby ever?" I could hear Bella cooing at Anthony while I was in the kitchen making snacks.

It amazed me how natural Bella was with babies and even more baffling was that Anthony was very taken with her, he was usually a little shy and tended to cry none stop when someone other than our immediate family was holding him. But Bella had picked him up and cuddled him to her side and immediately the two began to giggle together and coo and babble, as if they were in their own little world and speaking their own little language.

I smiled to myself as a plan began forming in my mind, becoming happier and giddier each passing second as it played out and solidified, knowing it would work and how perfect it would be.

I snapped open my phone and peeked into the living room to make sure Bella was still occupied.

"Hey Mom, listen I need your help."

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"Hey Em, you ready to bust out of here?" I teased. He rolled his eyes and walked slowly towards me. It seemed to be such a chore for him but he refused to take the wheel chair down. The doctor said it was okay, so I just stood aside cringed and zipped my mouth shut. I hated seeing him in any sort of pain.

"So I hired a home nurse, she will be staying at very least for the remainder of the month. She will take you to all your check ups and such and remind you when to take your pills, and so on. I won't be staying at the house obviously but I will come home on weekends and you can always call me no matter what okay." I was nervous about leaving him on his own, even with a home nurse. Emmett was well known for his shenanigans and defiant and cocky nature. The poor home nurse had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

"Yes Mom." He teased. Stupid ass!

"I mean it Em, I don't want to get a phone call in the middle of the night from the hospital saying you're back in there cause you decided skateboarding off my balcony was doable or some crap." I scolded lightly. Knowing all too well that that was indeed something Emmett would try and honestly think he could do.

"Oh, come on Bells, you know I would never do anything that stupid." He whined.

"Don't go telling me what I do or don't know. And you so would do that Em. Remember when you and your buddies thought it would be an easy feat to tie you up to their car and do fifty while you were attached to the back on a skateboard?" I groaned just thinking about it. "And looked how that turned out." I still remember the gut wrenching pain I had felt when the hospital called and told me Emmett was there and had a concussion and had yet to wake. Man one day that boy would be the death of me!

Emmett reluctantly agreed to keep his horseplay to a minimum and promised no broken bones, stitches or trips to the hospital what so ever.

"He we are, home sweet home." I helped him up the front steps and waved the doorman as we entered my building. Emmett groaned as we once again approached an elevator.

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips as I thought about why Emmett had a fear of elevators.

We were in high school and Emmett and his buddies thought it would be an awesome prank to play on one of the girls at school who stayed for extracurricular programs after school often. Her name was Angela, and she happened to be a friend of mine.

The guys all helped Emmett up through the roof of the elevator and had him laying on top of the elevator waiting for Angela to get in it, she was helping out with a school play we were working on and frequently went to the basement of the school for props.

Well Emmett's little plan didn't go so well, he hadn't taken into account that I may be with her.

When he started banging on the roof of the elevator and making moaning sounds, I hit the emergency button and Angela and I high tailed our scared, trembling butts out of there. Security was waiting for us and shut the elevators off, we hadn't yet realized it was Emmett and he had climbed down back into the elevator but was too scared of getting in crap to call out to us and had spent six hours locked in the little tiny box. And to stupid goofball still ended up getting busted and received a three day suspension.

Ever since he had a serious elevator complex and used the stairs whenever possible. Today was one of those not possible times, there was no way in hell I was hauling his overgrown ass up all those stairs.

I giggled at the memory, "This fear of yours is your own damn fault, so forgive me if I can't help but think it looks good on you." I scolded him playfully as the elevator dinged open and Emmett now ghostly pale grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

**EPOV**

She held her tiny pale hand out to me, I stepped forward and with shaky hands clasped her tiny one in mine. It didn't quite feel like I remembered but I was so consumed in happiness at being able to hold her even just this little tiny unfamiliar bit, I let it go and smiled and skipped alongside her like a kid on his way to the candy shop.

All too soon, she stopped us dead and pulled her small hand free form mine. She was shimmering now, like there was little tiny diamonds all over her, she kept backing up. I would take a step forward she would counter it with a step back. I looked at her imploringly begging for some explanation as to what was happening.

My body began shaking as I hit the cold hard floor, I pulled myself up to my knees and sat on my strained haunches clenching my throbbing head, the room began to spin and my vision blurred, causing me to see double of everything, double room, double Isabelle.

"Daddy you have to let go now." She whispered in a pained voice. I reached out to her, she just shook her head. Her sad lifeless eyes shimmering as she began to fade away.

"Please Isabelle, please don't go." I sobbed as my knees gave out from underneath me and I pounded my fists on the floor.

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"Esme get me the phone, we will have to call an ambulance he's not responding."

I could hear my parents talking from somewhere nearby, they sounded scared and sad. I could hear my mother's heart wrenching sobs and my father s strained voice trying to calm her. I felt myself being lifted.

"Wait, I think it's over, help me get him into the bed."

What's over? What are they talking about, why does it feel like I am floating and why can't I see anything?

Slowly the room before me began to come into focus. I hissed at the bright light and shied away from it, my father immediately understood and went over to the dimmer and turned it down.

My mother's tear stained face was right beside mine, I noticed her holding my hand and stared bewildered at it and the fact that if I hadn't saw that she was I never would have known. I couldn't feel her hand in mine at all.

"Edward… honey how are you feeling?" My mother hiccupped.

"I'm fine Mom." I croaked out, my throat burning with every bit of air that I swallowed. I brought my hand to my throat and very slowly whispered, "What's going on? What happened? Why does my throat hurt?" I looked back and forth between my sobbing mother and my baffled looking father waiting for one of them to answer me. No one spoke right away and my Mom scampered out the room and came back seconds later with a bottle of water which I gulped back greedily, savoring the cool relief it provided me.

"Edward your father thinks you had a seizure." My mother began as another tear slipped out the corner of her eye, "luckily we found you and it doesn't appear you hurt yourself." Her body trembled as she shook her head.

What? I had had a seizure? I quickly scanned the room and noticed the state of disarray it was in, books scattered everywhere a table toppled on its side, broken glass at the side of my bed, I felt a shudder run through me. This was such a foreign feeling for me, to have absolutely no memory of doing something but all the evidence before your eyes to confirm you had indeed done that something.

I felt a deep painful sob rise up my throat, it came out as more of a wail, I buried my face in my hands and sobbed like a child. I was so confused, how could my body be betraying me like this? I had no control over what was going on anymore, when I was awake I had no sense of touch. I couldn't even hold my mother and get comfort from it. I knew she was there but could feel nothing. And in my sleep I dreamt of Isabelle and there too I had no control, it was like everything I loved and held dear to me was always just within arm's reach but never completely attainable. It was sick game god was playing with me and I was about ready to throw in the towel and give him his win.

**Please review…I know this is ultimately a Bella/Edward story, but….lemme know in your review if u'd like to see some Rosalie/Emmett in here as well…obviously Jasper/Alive are already minutely in it already.**


	12. Nice to meet you

**Disclaimer ~ Still don't own Twilight, but I sure do have fun playing with the characters.**

**Sorry this chap took so long…I'm really having a hard time working out the remainder of this story…I promise I will try and update a bit more often…forgive me? Please! I made this chap a bit longer than normal, just trying to suck up a bit…hehe**

**Chapter 11 – Nice to meet you **

**CPOV**

I couldn't get the image of my son convulsing on the floor out of me head, nor the feeling of absolute uselessness I had felt during the whole terrifying episode.

With all my knowledge, all my schooling, everything I had come to be through my years I still could do nothing to help my son, and even worse it almost seemed as if he didn't want my help, he didn't seem to want anything, in fact if I were being honest it appeared if anything he just wanted to be left alone until whatever was happening to him consumed him and he could finally be with Isabelle again.

I shuddered at the thought of going through the grieving all over again. It pained me to think that after everything our family had been through there was still a good chance of losing him all over again.

I quietly snuck out of bed, not wanting to wake Esme up, she had finally began sleeping more soundly since Edward came home. It was a nice change from the restless nights we had become accustomed to since Edward's accident. All the nights of her tossing and turning and screaming out to him in her sleep. The tears and violent trembling that accompanied them. Finally things seemed to be slowly going back to normal, but for some reason I couldn't shake the feeling of dread that now hung over me like a dark cloud, something was off and it made me uneasy and constantly queasy and now it appeared it was my turn to spend countless nights, restlessly wandering the halls of our home, waiting for the day, the moment, whatever it was that was brewing, would finally explode, taking my already shattered and glued back delicately life and this time tearing it to un-repairable pieces.

I crept quietly down the hall and gently pushed open Edward's door, I gasped when I found him sitting straight up in his bed, reaching out to the empty darkness.

"Edward." I whispered not wanting to startle him. No response, he didn't even flinch when I said his name.

I cautiously made my way towards him, as I got closer I could see the horror stuck look in his eyes, pain and grief shinning through his sparkling orbs. It crushed me to see him looking so vulnerable and broken, especially knowing there was simply nothing I could do for him but be here waiting for the moment when he finally let his guard down and let me in.

Tears were now streaming down his cheeks, his bottom lip quivering as his hand drops to his side and a deep guttural anguished sob rips from him. I'm at his side in seconds, I hold his face between my hands and look into his empty eyes.

"Please Edward, what is it?"

"Edward please, tell me what to do, tell me how to help." I beg desperately.

Something seems to shift in Edward's dark expression as his eyes flutter and he looks at me like he is just finally seeing me. I let out a gasp of air I didn't even realize I had been holding in, relief washing through me, apparently a little too soon, cause his next words, caused my heart to jump into my already emotion filled throat.

"She was here, I saw her."

I lowered my head onto of his and cried right along with him. All the pain, all the anger, and all the fear I had built up over the last two years pouring out of me as I sat there with him, my son who was still thankfully very much alive. As the last of my tears dried on my trembling chin. I resolved right then and there I would not give up, I would do anything for my son, and no matter what, I would find a way to help him through this….whatever this was.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Dr. Masen." I held my hand out and firmly shook his. He motioned for me to sit. I did. I took a shaky breath and looked him right in the eye.

"I assume you know the Edward claims he is losing his sense of touch?" I stated plainly, getting right to the point.

"Yes, Nurse Swan did mention it." He responded cautiously, likely wondering where I was going with this.

"Well now he is actually claiming to see her." Dr. Masen looked at me with a confused expression. "his daughter I mean."

He sighed, and ran his fingers through his balding hair.

"Tell me, what is your opinion? What is happening to him? "I sputtered feeling myself slowly losing control once again. I inhaled deeply trying to quench my overwhelming feelings as I waited for him to respond.

Dr. Masen shook his head, "I'm sorry Mr. Cullen, but I just don't know. That is the simplest and truest answer I can give you. First there is the apparent lack of touch and then there is the um…visions."

He paused, wringing his hands together on the desk; it appeared he was deep in thought so I didn't dare interrupt him. I wanted his opinion, hell I needed it more than ever now.

When he continued he looked so sympathetic and the regret in his eyes was impossible to miss, "It is possible that all of this could be the result of some damage to the brain maybe due to the accident or even the length of the coma, I think he should be in care, and I know he needs more tests done to get more definite answers."

"He refuses to get more testing done." I stated simply. "And his mother wants him home." I trailed off guiltily.

"Why?"

"It makes her feel things are normal with him there."

He shook his head at me, "Things are never going to be normal again. Maybe your family accepting that things indeed are not normal would be a good place for you to start."

I nodded, knowing he was right. Esme needed to accept Edward would never be the same, even if he get better physically, mentally and emotionally he would never be the same, He had lost his daughter after all. I completely understood that pain, having thought in the past I had lost Edward, but poor Isabelle had died so young, that I knew was one large pill to swallow, one that would surely leave irreversible side effects, and a permanent effect on his body, mind, and soul.

"Give me another option." I pleaded.

I watched as the doctor wrote something on a piece of paper and silently handed it to me. He then rose from his chair and extended his hand to me. I took it gratefully. "Thank you."

"Good luck." With that he bustled out the door and left me to mentally berate myself for the decisions I have made, ones I am still making and ones I would still likely make, silently praying the whole time that I would not cause more permanent damage than actual good by them.

**BPOV**

As I pulled into the Cullens' rather large driveway, I immediately saw Alice's ostentatious, vibrant yellow Mercedes in the driveway. I shook my head and chuckled, of course she would be here.

The second I took my eyes off her car I slammed on the brakes and let my mouth hang low. The Cullen's house was….well…not even a house, more like a mansion. A huge beautiful mansion that I had only seen the likes of in gardening books I had browsed through while trying to find a way to keep my little balcony pansies alive a little bit longer than their usual life span of like four measly days. Apparently I had the polar opposite of a green thumb, somewhere in and about the likes of a brown thumb, cause that is exactly how the little pretty pansies looked after mere days with me to take care of them, brown and lifeless.

The house was white, with huge4 bay windows and a comforting looking wraparound porch adorned with hanging baskets of beautiful purple and white and red flowers. Little baskets sat of the ledge of the railings also overflowing with colorful, vibrant flowers. The lawn was vast and a luscious green, to the left of the drive there was a little pond with a fountain shaped as a cherub spitting out water and leaving behind a tiny little rainbow. Small shrubs and bushes graced the lawn sporadically. To the right was the attached garage that appeared to be big enough to fit close to a dozen cars. Outside the garage sat two gorgesous, sleek looking vehicles, one fire engine red, and the other blackest black. I was unsure what kind of vehicles they were, I wasn't much of a car girl and new very little about vehicles aside from the fact that I drove a two-thousand-one Volkswagen beetle, that filled to the brim with gas at only twenty-five bucks and lasted me easily a couple of weeks of driving, I know it wasn't a flashy car, and was nowhere near brand new but she was my baby and had yet to fail me, which I was grateful for on a regular basis, in fact every time I jumped on the expressway and saw some poor soul kicking the side of the smoking vehicle I patted the dash affectionately and whispered sweet, loving words to my baby, thanking her for being so good to me.

I halted my ogling and slowly inched my car a bit further up the never ending drive and put her in park.

I took a few calming breaths and climbed out, once again gapping at the gorgeous house in front of me that I would be living in for the next few months. I couldn't wait to see the inside. I only had a small flat but thoroughly enjoyed decorating it, painting and accessorizing and could definitely appreciate a nice piece of art and interior design and could only imagine the beauty the inside would hold for me to get lost in.

My insides began quivering at the thought of seeing Edward again and my mind screamed in protest as I took my first step toward the front door.

What are you thinking Bella? This can only end badly, for you!

No, I am just here to do my job. I will help him the best I can and leave this house in a few months with my head held high and my heart still intact.

Yea, keep telling yourself that and maybe one day you'll actually believe that garbage you keep feeding yourself.

Ouch!

My conscious was in a nasty, cruel mood today. I flinched slightly as the reality of what the raging war in my head meant and the truth behind it all.

Logical Bella was right, I couldn't fool myself. This would hurt. I knew I had deep feelings for Edward and that he could never return them. But still I agreed to come here and inflict upon myself the cruelest, most bittersweet torture I could imagine, by being so close to him, helping him, befriending, having him near everyday to talk to and get to know and then one day plastering that fake smile I had perfected so well in the last year on my face and walking my trembling, broken self out the door and away from him forever. Yep! That was surely going to cut deep.

I definitely was a glutton for punishment, wasn't I!

Before my foot touched the first step the door swung open and a grinning Alice stood before me, bouncing on the balls of her feet, looking… just like I remembered her a few days ago, so completely Alice-like.

Alice flew off the porch and hugged me with a strength no one that size should posses, slightly reminding me of Emmett's bear-like hugs.

"Alice, you're cutting off my circulation." I teased. She backed away and smiled at me. "Good to see you too, Alice." I chuckled, "Now where is that little Anthony?"

She cooked her head toward the front doorway and there stood a man of about six feet, with tousled blond hair and vibrant blue eyes, he was smiley widely at our little display of affection and holding that precious little boy. I walked slowly towards him and plopped my bags down on the porch, tentatively holding my arms out towards the man, silently asking to hold whom I believed to be his son.

He smiled and handed him right over, which kind of shocked me considering he didn't know me, but I just assumed Alice must have told him about me.

Anthony cooed and giggled the moment he saw me, which lit my heart afire, he was such an adorable little boy, and had the brightest smile I had ever seen, well the little girl from the clinic a few years back aside that is.

I sat on the front porch, almost forgetting completely where I was and chirped and cooed and babbled with little Anthony until I heard someone behind me clear their throat. I glanced up into the Mr. Cullens amused but definitely confused face.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I handed little Anthony back to the tall blond guy with an apologetic look, he just shrugged and chuckled.

"I'm Jasper by the way, Alice's husband." He said in amusement. It was then I realized how rude I must have seemed just barging up to him, taking his child and not even introducing myself.

"Shoot, I'm sorry." I began running my fingers frustratingly through my long chestnut hair.

"I'm Bella, Bella Swan. I was Edward's nurse at the clinic and Alice stayed with me as a home care aid not too long ago." I stuttered, feeling Mr. Cullen's intense gaze on me.

"You and Alice know each other then." Mr. Cullen interrupted in a confused voice, but it sounded more like a statement than a question. I nodded.

Just then Alice came bouncing up beside me, "Of course we know each other." Alice's chime-like voice piped in. "Bella and I are good friends, bound to be great friends in the near future."

I rolled my eyes and tried to plaster on that smile I had worked so hard at. I'm not sure if it worked though cause Jasper gave me a weird look and then walked back inside with Anthony.

The three of us just stood there in a tense awkward silence for a moment, before Mr. Cullen cleared his throat. "Alright then, let me help you with your bags and show you to your room."

Once I was all settled in, Mr. Cullen gave me a quick tour of the amazing house, which proved me right in the 'awe' department. I was completely awestruck and couldn't wait to have some spare time to just wander the halls and take in all the beautiful art work that hung from the pale blue walls and the library he had showed me almost caused me to faint. There were thousands of books in there and I was just itching to get my fingers on them. When I asked Mr. Cullen who apparently preferred to be called Carlisle if he would mind if I read some of the books, he looked at me in amazement then smiled and nodded. I was completely elated to have such a vast amount of literature at my very finger tips. I left that room vibrating with excitement, which I am sure amused Carlisle to no end.

When we came back downstairs we were joined by who I knew to be Edward's mother, she was a beautiful woman with bright auburn hair and a smile to die for. She was short like me maybe five foot two, with a dainty elegant figure that she showed off with gorgeous designer clothing, Edward looked so much like his mother, it was uncanny, really.

I held my hand out to shake hers but she caught me off guard when she brushed it away and embraced me in a warm inviting hug. I couldn't help but hug her back cause it felt really darn good, her hug reminded me of my mother's hugs, and that was just too darn amazing to pass up.

Alice silently took me to Edward's room, where she gave me one last knowing annoying smile and skipped off down the hall leaving me blanching at the closed door.

With a few deep breaths of non-existent courage I tapped gently on the door, almost hoping he was sleeping, he squashed that hope when his voice came immediately, muffled through the door, telling me to come in.

With shaky hands and a sputtering heart I entered the room to find his back facing me while he was watching what appeared to be a home video, my breath hitched when I caught site of the little girl on the screen, my pulse speeding up slightly. I would know that face anywhere, it was the same little girl from the clinic, the butterfly girl that had caught my attention so quickly, I gasped as I recalled the intense pull I had felt to her. I almost bolted it right back out the door, but before I got a chance Edward's broken voice broke through my train of thought.

"Did they tell you I see her?" Edward said calmly. My head was still reeling from my recent revelation, so his words confused me for a moment before I remembered his apparent apparitions.

"Yes." I replied simply and quietly.

He turned and quirked an eyebrow at me, "And?"

"And nothing, I see all sorts of shit." I responded wryly.

Edward's eyes fell to the floor, as he sighed deeply," Why did you come?"

"Because your Dad said you needed me."

"And?" He questioned sounding confused and a little lost.

"And, I think he was right."

When Edward didn't respond, I worried he might have taken that offensively and immediately blubbered out a bunch of word vomit, "He asked me to be your home nurse, I wasn't sure at first, you didn't seem to be too fond of me at the clinic and it's kind of my fault you got dragged out of there in the first place, so if you don't want me here, I'll understand, I can go."

His silence was painful and I began squirming in my spot by the doorway, quickly assessing my options, stay and piss him off, go and feel like a failure and deal with Alice and Carlisle's disappointment, or beg.

Before I got the chance to make that decision for myself he wheeled a little closer to me and thrust a picture in my hand. "I'm not saying that." He whispered.

I flipped the picture over with trembling fingers and choked on the breath I was taking once I realized what it was.

"Did you take that?" He demanded in a scary voice that made me blanch and step back.

"Yes, yes I did. "I responded, my words coming out a little shaky.

"What gave you the right?" He spat vehemently. I flinched under his angry glare.

"I'm sorry." I murmured in shame. At the time I didn't think it was a bad thing. I took the pictures to document his months. One a month, usually just after I had shaven him. I guess it my own twisted mind I thought I was keeping something like a photo book for him, for his family. I didn't want him to wake to think everyone had forgotten him, cause in reality after the initial few months his whole family just seemed to stop visiting and I felt resentful to his family who seemed to have abandoned him and with the resentment came the overwhelming thwarting. So in my mind set of him never waking, I shaved him every day, read him newspapers, magazine, talked to his sleeping form about current movies and books, told him about some of my other patients, talked about my fears for Emmett and everything he was going through, the intense feeling of guilt I always felt whenever I thought about my brother, sometimes I even cried at his beside, cried over his pain, my pain, Emmett's pain and the loss of his daughter. Then I would take a picture of his peaceful form at the end of every month and place in on the pin board above the counter. A photo book of sorts, of his time away from the world.

I could now tell by the look in his eyes, the anger, the fear, but mostly the pain.

"If you don't want me here, I will go." I sniffled, my voice dripping with chagrin.

His eye darted to meet mine, :I didn't say that." He seemed to struggle with his word for a moment, "It's just , this is my life and everyone keeps doing things to me, for me, but I'm awake now."He sighed heavily. "And that has got to count for something."

"Fair enough, but if I'm staying then I'm your nurse and that has to count for something too." I threw back, what's fair is fair, right!

"Fair enough."

I smiled at my small victory. "Then, I shave you now." I informed him in my no nonsense nurse-like voice.

"The hell you do." The horror in his eyes almost made me chuckle. Gosh he was a dramatic little pretty boy wasn't he!

"What did I just say? I'm the nurse and you're the patient." I huffed. "You've completely let yourself go."

"Why?"

I chuckled quietly, "Because I like sharp objects, it's empowering."

I watched quietly as I got his shaving supplies out and filled a bowl with warm water, he slowly wheeled over to the mirror and stroked his jaw line, sighing and looking at me with utter defeat, he nodded his head.

He watched me intently as I began shaving below his ear, making my way down to his jaw, "I'm not going to cut you, I promise." I chuckled.

"I know." He whispered so low I almost didn't hear him. "But do you mind if…if I just try?"

I smiled and passed him the razor, "Of course not."

I watched him reverently as he tentatively touched the razor to his upper lip and pulled down gently, smiling a soft smile as he removed some of the stubble in that one movement. He truly was so beautiful, so masculine but with a hint of child still in him, handsome and rugged and that hair, oh my, the hair. I drifted off into a mild Edward induced day dream, smiling while he finished up with his re-found ability to shave.

A/N ~I really hope this came together okay….Please review…..I'm getting a little writers block here, having a hard time getting the words and ideas in place…..so please review….wishes, ideas, any small words of encouragement really….would be a godsend right about now.


	13. Sexual Frusteration

**Disclaimer ~ Still don't own Twilight or the characters.**

**K so I finally decided to check the traffic on this story and guess what…tons and tons of you are reading this story….but very few reviewing….so I implore you non-reviewers to take the time to review when you are done the chaps the same way I take the time and struggle to make the chapter good for you to read.**

**Much appreciation in advance…..you'd have to understand the drive and enthusiasm receiving reviews...whether they are good or bad can give a writer…it really is what pushes me to try harder and work faster.**

**Chapter 12 – Sexual frusteration**

"Hey you, why don't we go outside for some fresh air? Take a walk on the grounds?" I suggested softly. Thinking maybe getting him outside and in the fresh air would help get rid of a bit of the cranky he had built up over the last few days being cooped up in this house?

"I don't know, it looks kind of cold out there."Edward mumbled, still staring off into nowhere.

I sighed, always so stubborn isn't he! "Sure you do, come on, let's go." I said firmly while turning his wheel chair and heading out the door, not wanting to give him time to think up his next excuse.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"So how are you feeling today? I knew this already but it seemed like as good a place as any to start a conversation.

"I'm okay, I guess. Just a little tired. I haven't been sleeping well at night lately. I knew this too already, namely cause I barely slept at night myself.

"Awww, I don't sleep much at nights either." I confessed. He cocked his head to look up at me.

"Why not?"

"It's kind of a long story." I said vaguely, hoping he would just let it go. He didn't.

"I have time." He smiled the crooked little smile at me, the one that always made my heart beat thunderously.

I groaned. "Uh, there was a fire at my childhood home a few years back, and ever since it I have had a hard time sleeping. Dreams and such." I whispered rapidly, lost once again in the memories of smoke, and screams and pain.

"Yea, I guess that would do it." He said in a comforting tone.

I smiled. He was going to let this go. Thank heavens.

"So what do you do for a living?" I asked sneakily, if I got him talking about himself, surely he would forget all about me and my measly little boring life.

"I worked with my father at Cullen Medical Inc." He said solemnly once again getting that far away look on his face. I decided maybe work wasn't the best thing to talk about.

We chatted a bit more about, everything and nothing. It was nice and felt right, our conversation flowed easily, like we had been friends for ages. Not two people who had met under severely grave circumstances and brought together by illness and desperation.

As we reached the house, Edward cleared his throat loudly, I stopped mid-step and looked down at him. He was watching me intently with a weird look on his face. He shook his head and smiled brightly at me.

"Thank you."

I giggled. "Why Edward, whatever could you be thanking me for? I merely took you for a small stroll around your home." I was just trying to lighten the mood; he looked so serious and thoughtful right now.

A small smile played on his pale pink lips, "True, but it's not every day, I get pushed around by a beautiful lady." My eyes widened as my face turned some embarrassing shade of tomato I'm sure. He chuckled.

"Umm...Thanks?" I mumbled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was almost eleven at night, the huge house was deathly silent, not even the faint tick of a clock.

I softly closed my book and sighed, wishing for the millionth time that I could just sleep like a normal person.

I clicked the light off and laid back, squeezing my eyes shut and urging my over active brain to slow down and allow me some much needed sleep.

I huffed in frustration and glanced at the clock, eleven-forty-five. "I give up." I groaned softly while flinging my legs around the side of the bed.

The soft padding of my feet were the only sounds I could hear as I made my way downstairs and out back to the pool. I sat at the edge and leg my legs dangle, softly splashing my feet in the warm water.

My mind wandered back to Edward. I knew I was playing with fire by coming here in the first place, but now that I had spent so much time with him as a person, a coherent person, one I could talk to, that talked back and had ideas and thoughts and an amazingly sex-me-up throaty voice, it was so much more now, so much more than I knew how to handle.

I was now treading softly on very thin ice; ice that I knew would eventually crack and leave me drowning in the vast, cold, lonely, heart breaking water, with no chance of re-surfacing.

I pictured his beautiful shinning eyes, his soft, pale, kiss-me-till-your-head-spins lips, followed by that heart stopping, crooked grin, with those perfect, white teeth. His soft, pale, I-could-run-my-fingers-on-you-all-day-and-night-long skin, his tight, pronounced, rippling chest, that even after almost two years of being in a coma, still felt as if he worked out on a regular basis.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh." I huffed into the cool night air. I had to stop this, stop these sick fantasies. He's my patient for god-sakes.

A small tear formed in the corner of my eye, a tear of despair, of hopelessness, a tear of frustration. I swiped it away and stood up, tearing my bottoms off, leaving me in my tank top and underwear.

I quickly and smoothly dove into the cool, soothing water. I swam the length of the pool before resurfacing and gaping in some much needed air. It had been a long time since I had pushed my lungs while under water and I am sure smoking likely didn't help either.

I took a few deep breaths, an image of Edward smiling up at me, pursing those delectable lips, as his brows crunched together in deep thought. I groaned, I was insatiable and this was becoming tiring. I had to drive those unforgivable thoughts out of my delirious head.

If he ever knew how I felt, he would surely feel betrayed, I am his nurse, and he is my patient. No romantic feelings involved. He doesn't look at you that way. I internally reprimanded myself as I once again dove under the water, desperate to push away the lustful, inappropriate thoughts out of my mind.

I resurfaced moments later and broke into a fit of hysterical giggles. I was clutching at my sides with my face almost submerged in water when I heard someone clear their throat behind me.

My body went ridged and the crazy fit ceased immediately.

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you." A small gasp slipped through my lips as my hand flew to my mouth in embarrassment.

I struggled to compose myself as I slowly turned to face a grinning, quizzical Edward. My breathing hitched, if possible he was even more beautiful under the moonlight.

"You looked like you were having fun." He chuckled.

"Ha! More like plunging headfirst into hysteria." I argued, past being embarrassed and working my way toward defensiveness. What was he doing out here anyway? He was supposed to be tucked away safely in his room fast asleep.

"I used to come down here late at night when my folks were asleep to swim, for some reason it always calmed me down. The cool water, the sense of being weightless, the soft rippling slaps of the water hitting the side of the pool. I'd do lap after lap after lap until every nerve in my body screamed in protest." Edward looked so at peace with his eyes gently closed and that goofy little grin on his face, I stared unabashedly at the god like creature standing before me. My eyes swept up to his tousled, bronze tresses, I could still remember fervently, how those soft locks felt between my fingers, my eyes continued their lascivious decent to his forehead and the little crease just above his brows, the small laugh lines that crinkled at the peaks of his eyes, his long dark lashes sprawled on his cheek bones, those luscious, pink lips, I groaned inward as his pale pink tongue darted from his mouth and wisped across those delectable lips, my eyelids fluttered closed as I allowed my delusional fantasies to play out momentarily, losing myself in the ecstasy of them, while agonizing at the realization it was all merely a figment of my lustful imagination. I groaned and jerked my watery eyes open to find Edward now gazing at me with a strange look on his face. I blushed furiously and dove back under the water to cool my now feverish body down and came up right in front of him.

"Why don't you join me?" I asked, a small grin appearing on my lips, the thought of Edward wet and half dressed almost made my knees give out.

His eyes swept over the pool before he finally nodded his head and slowly began rising from his wheelchair, I went to jump out the pool to help him, "Please let me do this on my own." He said while motioning for me to stay put.

"Okay." I smiled.

"Give me your hands." I demanded softly," you know this is actually great therapy for you."

He groans and rolls his eyes at me, "And here I thought I was just about to do something a normal guy would do."

I took a sharp intake of breath, immediately feeling horrible for making him feel inferior, "You are a normal guy Edward, a normal guy who needs a little help getting back up and moving around is all." I whispered apologetically.

"It's okay, I was just kidding with you." He smiled, my insides began their decent into mush-ville.

"So are you always up so late, dragging defenseless men around and sneaking into pools?" He chortled.

"What?" I choked as my eyes went wide. He chuckled. "I was just kidding, but really are you always up so late?"

"Yea, I umm… sleeps, just uh, not really my thing."

"Why not?"His head cocked to the side, he looked genuinely interested in my answer. I sighed.

"It's too quiet." I confessed.

He stared intently at me, making me squirm a little, "So the other day when we were shaving, you couldn't feel it, could you?"

"No."

"Can you feel anything?" I asked quietly. Needing to know the answer but scared of it as well.

"I don't think so." He responded thoughtfully, "It's kind of like going to the dentist and getting a tooth pulled, you know they are digging and pulling in there but you can't really feel it."

"So…you're just numb?" I hedged warily.

He whimpered and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb, I wanted nothing more to pull him close and hold him tight, but at least I still had enough common sense left to not act on that desire.

I pulled him around through the water gently in companionable silence.

"Maybe this is my punishment." His sad strong voice breaking the silence startled me. "I was driving the car." He whispered.

"Yes you were, and a plane crashed and hit your car. Those are the things that happened; you had no way of controlling that." I said fiercely, hoping he would finally accept my words and realize that it really wasn't his fault.

"She was with me though…my responsibility." His voice trailed off as he got a faraway look in his eyes. I decided to change to subject and let this go, for now!

"Do you play pool?"

"Huh?" He looked at me with a dazed expression. I laughed and swirled him around a bit in the water.

"This feels strange." He whispered, staring wide eyed at me.

I gasped, "You can feel it?" I asked; hope forming in the pit of my stomach.

"No, that's why it is so weird." My stomach clenched.

"Oh."

"Come on let's get you out of those wet clothes and into something more comfortable." I said while digging through his chest drawers looking for a clean pair of sleep pants. I found a cute Garfield pair and held them up triumphantly, giggling at the cute little orange kitty patterns strewn about them.

Edward's eyes slanted a bit and I swear I heard him growl, "Give me those, they were a gag gift from my sister Alice…um…I've never even worn them. Look the tag is still attached." He rambled as his cheeks tinged slightly pink.

I giggled, "I think their cute."

I helped him over to the bed and slowly pulled his wet boxers off, staring directly at his face the whole time, blushing as my breathing picked up slightly.

Edward chuckled, obviously amused by my new found discomfort, I was always so professional before, I wonder if he had any clue exactly what had brought on my newly acquired bashfulness. If he did he kept his theories to himself, which I was infinitely grateful for.

I hastily reefed his pants up and groaned openly as they got stuck around his midsection.

Edward howled as he helped me free his pants and pull them the remainder of the way up.

I quickly jumped up and grabbed his nightshirt and slipped it around his shoulders, trying futilely to complete the task as quickly and painlessly as possible without meeting his gaze.

My fingers trembled as I did the bottom button up, and fumbled all the more as I made my way up his rock hard chest.

He chuckled quietly which made me blush copiously. "Here let me." He said as his fingers danced to the top few buttons and did them up with ease.

I scoffed, "Well of course it's much easier for you, it's your shirt." I rolled my eyes at him and scurried over to the bed, pulling his covers back and motioning for him to get under them.

"Anxious are we?" He bantered humorously.

"Funny boy tonight are we." I retorted. He chuckled.

"Goodnight Edward. "I sang over my shoulder as I scampered out the door and to the safety of my room.

**A/N ~ Reviews are wondrous things-hint hint-**

**Still looking for an amazing beta…interested???? Please Pm me.**


	14. Family Drama

**Disclaimer ~ Still own nothing Twilight related. Just some messed up ideas full of angst and tears.**

**Extra special thanks to TwiDi for beta'ing this chapter….it's a hundred times better because of you:)**

**Chapter 13 – Family Drama**

**BPOV**

"Finally!" I breathed out in relief as I scanned the balcony, yes, finally somewhere I could sit in peace, alone and sneak a smoke.

I flicked my lighter and inhaled deeply, "Aww, sweet nicotine goodness, oh, how I've missed thee."

I haven't been able to sneak away as much as I would have liked these past couple of days. Edward had been on me like flies on rice; following me around the house, firing off question after question. It would seem his curiosity for my boring life was insatiable.

This was only my second smoke today at it was already nine at night.

I stood staring down at the brightly lit pool, the water glistening off of the light lost in thought.

I had hoped my feelings for Edward would have faded by now, as my curiosity dwindled and I spent more time with him. I truly had believed that would be enough to get him out of my system. Believing my infatuation was merely that; an infatuation. And once I had quenched my curiosity and gotten to know him, I would surely realize he was only the perfect man in my head and in reality… he was just another guy.

But no he had to go and prove me wrong. He had to be all sweet and shit. Be gentlemanly and caring, not to mention his amazing mind. He was smart, too smart in fact. But I loved him all the more for it. Wait! Am I back to spouting that God-awful 'love' word again? Argghh… I am, aren't I!

I shook my head rapidly trying to rid all thoughts of Edward aside from a platonic level that is.

"Ahem…" I spun around at the sound of Esme clearing her throat.

"Oh, uh… hi." I stammered.

"Sorry, darling. I didn't mean to startle you." Esme joined me on the balcony, leaning over staring off below in silence.

I took a puff of my smoke; inhaled and then exhaled loudly.

'Cough cough cough' "Oh! I am so sorry; here let me put this out." I apologized, frantically reaching for the make-shift ashtray.

"No, please. Do you mind?" She asked timidly as she reached out for my smoke.

"Umm, okay." I handed her the smoke and watched in shock as she inhaled a huge breath and hummed in contentment.

"It's been too long." She sighed, exhaling. "Carlisle made me quit. I know it was the right choice, but sometimes I crave nicotine like addicts crave crack." She giggled.

I gaped. Perfect little Esme, with her perfectly neat hair, unwrinkled clothes and shapely manicured nails… looked so wrong holding the cigarette between her long pale fingers.

"Don't look so shocked, dear, we all have our vices and I'm not as perfect as you think."

"Umm… I didn't mean… I mean, I never thought…"

Esme's soft chuckling interrupted my pathetic attempt of an apology.

"Don't worry. I never thought you did." She smiled so I smiled back at her.

"I saw you swimming with Edward last night."

"Yea, it's um… a really good therapy." I hedged, not sure why she was pointing this out.

"He really likes you, you know."

I gasped and started stuttering, "Um… uh…"

"No, no. That's good! It keeps him focused on the future, that's very important for his healing, don't you think?"

I stared openly at her, "Yes?" It wasn't an acknowledgment, more like a tentative question.

"Would you like to help me with him?" I asked hesitantly, staring at her intently.

"No, no. You seem to be doing _just_ fine." Her soft whisper sounded sad and my heart went out to her. I couldn't imagine losing a child, nor having him brought back to me, only to find out he isn't quite the same son I knew anymore.

"He has a long way to go, though." At least I hoped he did. I mentally smacked myself for that thought. How wrong was that, hoping his recovery would take longer, so I could selfishly have more time with him. So wrong!

"You'll get him there, Bella, I know you will. I wouldn't want to do something that could stunt his progress." She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently before handing me back my almost finished smoke and walking back into the house.

"Then we can all get back to our old lives." I faintly heard her whisper as she disappeared through the doors.

That last sentence was like a cold hard slap to the face, my bitter reality. As soon as Edward was better, I would leave; and he would go on and live just as he had before the accident. And I… well, _I_ would go back to living my shadow of a life, but now feeling even worse about it, now that I knew what it was like to love someone and knowing I could never have them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"So, Friday night! You'll invite your brother to come as well right?"

"Ummm, sorry, I missed that. What were you saying, Alice?" I mumbled, feeling slightly confused. I had been so lost in thought, thinking of Edward of course. That I had spaced out on poor Alice as she was explaining something about some dinner party.

"I said…" She growled while rolling her eyes "we are going to have the dinner _here_ _tomorrow_ night and don't forget to bring your brother." As she stomped off into the kitchen, huffing something about, 'being clueless and annoyingly stubborn'.

"Okay." I called after her, stifling a giggle at her theatrics.

I grabbed my cell and dialed my house.

"Hey."

"Nice way to answer the phone, Emmett, what if I had been someone… well, what if it hadn't been me?" I stumbled to think of someone, anyone who might be calling me, but gave up and covered it up as smoothly as I could. I think!

"I knew it was you, brotherly intuition." He cackled.

"I'm not even going to ask what that means." I laughed. It was nice hearing him sound so happy and free. It had been far too long since I had last.

"Listen, my friend, Alice, is having a dinner party Friday night and insists I bring you along. So, what do you say? Please, come with me and save me from the torturous clutches of the evil little fairy and her matchmaking shenanigans. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee." I knew I was sounding like a desperate little child. But hell, to be honest I was a desperate little girl right about now. I had just spent the last three hours being chewed out by an annoyed Alice because I had yet to 'put the moves on her brother dearest', as she so _eloquently_ put it.

Luckily throughout the whole mess of a conversation I had mentioned my brother and that had instantly shifted her course of matchmaking towards Emmett and her sister in law Rosalie who was coming to town tomorrow for a visit. But like any other conversation with Alice, she spent the following two hours launching into a whole planned out scheme to get the two of them together with her bullshit line of _'I can sense these things, Bella, I just know they will be perfect for each other.'_

"Belly bear, you there?" Emmett's gruff voice interrupted my train of thought. Shit, I had forgotten I was on the phone. Man how I spaced out these days!

"Yea, sorry, Em. So, will you come? There'll be lots of food."

I could hear him humming and hawing, trying to make me sweat it out.

"Oh… and I hear that Alice's young, gorgeous, single sister-in-law is joining us too." I threw in to close the deal.

"Well… I was planning on watching the whole season of…"

"Did I mention she's blond?" I interrupted.

"I'm in."

"Haha, knew I had ya there. Okay, let your nurse know I'll be there to pick you up around six, alright?"

"Six, tell nurse. Yep! Got cha!" I rolled my eyes.

"K, love you Em, Can't wait to see you tomorrow." I said honestly. It had been over a month since I had made it back home to visit and I missed him like crazy.

"Miss you too, sis. ciao!"

"Bye."

* * *

"Well, everything looks good, Bella; you can book another appointment for six months from now. But, honestly, I don't foresee any complications. You seem to be healing nicely, in fact you seem to have bounced back completely already, but it's just cautionary to have you come back one more time, you understand, right?" I nodded, "Thank you, Doctor. I will see you in a few months."

I drove home on a happy high. I was glad this whole ordeal was almost over. I had been a nurse for so long always the one to help others and being on the flip side kind of got on my nerves. I hated being taken care of; I had been independent for too long to just take easily to that. I was just ecstatic to be rid of all the doctors and hospitals.

I practically danced up the stairs when I got back to the Cullens; only to stop dead in my tracks as I walked in my room and found a forlorn looking Edward perched on my bed.

"Where were you?" He spat. I shook my head in confusion, why did he look so mad? It was none of his business where I was.

"What are you doing in _my_ room?" I challenged.

"You just _leave_? And don't tell anyone where you're going?" He accused, his eye slanting as an odd look graced his face.

"It… it was personal." I stuttered, slowly moving further into the room and sitting down beside him on the bed.

Edward grabbed my hand in his, "Talk to me." His eyes were pleading with me, I just couldn't resist. I wanted to tell him everything, share everything with him. Keep nothing from him.

"My parents… _died_ just over a year ago." I whispered shakily. I didn't like to talk about it. I found the less I did the easier it was to accept.

I drew in a sharp breath and continued. I told him about the fire and how Emmett had gotten sick. About the operations and how I had to go for checkups. I told him everything.

He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side, I curled into him gratefully; we stayed like this for awhile. In complete silence before he gently pushed on my shoulder, "Let's get out of here."

"What? You're not ready to be going anywhere." I stuttered, completely confused at his complete and sudden three-sixty.

"Says _who_?" He chuckled.

"Touché."

**Later on…**

"Oh, Edward, this is beautiful." I gushed as I ran ahead of him to pear over the deck out on the open beach. The waves crashing against the shore melodically; singing a sweet serene song to me, calling to me and begging me to dance in them to revel in the cool refreshing feel of their caresses.

We stood in companionable silence just taking in the beauty before us.

"She hasn't been back since you came." Edward muttered, pain laced in his soft almost inaudible voice.

I sighed. I wasn't sure what to say to him so I smiled and waited for him to go on.

"Now, I miss her." He chuckled hysterically, "Before I thought I was crazy and wished I wasn't seeing my dead daughter, now that I don't, I miss seeing my dead daughter. Is that messed up or what?" He spat in a frustrated tone.

"Not at all." I whispered.

"Think I'm cured then?" He questioned sadly.

"There was never anything to cure." I squeezed his hand reassuringly, "This is how you're supposed to be feeling. It's part of who you are now, part of the healing process."

"It's not who I want to be."

"I know." I sighed in frustration, none of this was fair. Someone as perfect as caring and loving as Edward, should never have to go through even the smallest amount if pain, never mind the immeasurable amount he had gone through in just a matter of months.

"I want you to do more testing." I had been thinking about this for awhile now and his lack of touch was really bothering me. I just wanted a few small tests to ease my frazzled mind and know for sure that what was going on with him was just psychological and nothing more.

"Why?" He mumbled defensively.

"Because, you can't feel this." I stated firmly as I squeezed his hand tight.

"I'm going to go down there." I giggled as I pulled my hand from his reluctantly.

"Of course, you are, I'll be here, watching you." He smirked and I felt my heart melt at the sight.

I ran towards the stairs and cautiously took them one at a time; holding the guardrails tightly until I safely reached the bottom and kicked my shoes off.

For a moment I forget myself and where I was; and just skimmed along the shoreline, splashing my feet in the water and kicking up sand. I squealed in delight as a wave crashed against the shore and soaked me.

I smile sheepishly as I stood there dripping wet and decided to throw all caution to the wind as I ran full speed at the next oncoming wave and dove into it.

As I resurfaced I saw Edward watching me from the deck with a beautiful smile splayed on his gorgeous face.

* * *

"Hey, Ang, how have things been on the floor?" It was nice of Angela to stop by, it had been too long since I had any interaction with anyone outside of this house; and her stopping by was a tidbit of reality for me in my current messed up state.

"Oh, you know. Same old drama. Lauren got some new young hottie for a client and has been floating around the floor on cloud nine; high heels and all. It's kind of pathetic really, now that I think about it." I laughed hysterically as Angela made a notorious Lauren snobbish face and rolled her eyes at me.

"Sooo, how are things with your own mister 'hottie' patient?" Angela asked as she slipped my smoke out of my fingers and took a long drag.

"Why don't you ever buy your own smokes?" I chortled trying to change the subject.

"Fine, fine, whatever. Here you go. But don't think I'm letting that slide." I groaned.

"Things are fine." I snapped shortly.

She nodded knowingly, "Yea right, that's why you look like a kid who just inherited a candy shop, then found out she has to wait till she's nineteen to actually get it."

Damn her and her analogies. And screw me all to hell; the girl was right.

I constantly found myself teetering on the brink of reality versus fantasy.

Sometimes when Edward and I are alone, it almost seemed normal; like two people just hanging out getting to know each other and every once in awhile I swear I saw the same glint in his eyes that I knew shined through in mine. But then, moments later I scolded myself for being so naïve and had to remind myself that I was just his therapist and he has no choice but to hang out with me, who else is he going to talk to?

I looked at Angela with pure desperation and pain radiating from me, she groaned. "Come here." She pulled me into a tight hug. And, God, how I needed that, "Just be careful, alright!"

"I'll try." I mumbled into her shit, "I'll try."

"Anywho, hun, I can't stay long. I just wanted to stop by and check up on you," She winked at me with a smug smile on her face, "… and of course, give you a good berating for not calling me…"

"Edward… Edward… oh, who are you?" I stared dumbfounded at the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid eyes upon. I must have been gaping, cause I heard her clear her throat and shook my clouded head just in time to see her roll her pretty little eyes at me while tapping her foot impatiently with her hands on her hips.

"Never mind, it doesn't matter who you are, where's Edward?" The tall snotty girl whom I had decided was a nasty bitch snapped.

"Ummm… uhhh." I stuttered.

"Audrey?" A confused-sounding Edward emerged from the patio door. "What the hell are you…"

"Oh, Eddie, I am so sorry I didn't come sooner, no one thought to call me of all people to let me know you had woken up." Tall bimbo said all pouty and shit.

I sneered, "Calm down, Bella." Angela whispered from beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I watched as utter confusion flashed in Edward's eyes, just before his face broke out into an angry, hateful snarl. "What the hell, Audrey? Why on earth would anyone call you? Oh, wait! Let me guess, you only found out now that I woke up because the trust fund was cancelled and you're out of money, right?" He laughed roughly, "Well, guess what? Your free ride is over. Now get the hell off my property." He spat, hate flashing brightly in his electric eyes.

I blanched, this was a whole new, scary yet kind of sexy Edward I had never seen before. Who the hell was this girl who could ignite such fury and venom in one of the most gentle, loving men I had ever known.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, Edward Anthony Cullen. I am your wife, God dammit."

I almost fell off my seat and probably would have, if Angela hadn't been holding my shoulder so tightly.

He's married! I felt my heart constrict painfully as traitorous tears sprinted from my eyes. I gasped in pain as my insides exploded in agony. He's married.

I turned and scurried briskly to the front yard, "I'll call you later, Ang." I muttered as I took off to the front door.

I stumbled up the steps and through the door, not really registering anything until I had locked my bedroom door behind me and slid down to the soft plush floor in a massive heap of pathetic-ness.

What did you expect, Bella? I chortled myself. He's perfect, of course he's married. What the hell were you thinking? Even if he wasn't, you're just plain and boring and homely and tomboyish, no normal man, never mind a God like Edward would ever even _remotely_ consider being with you.

A painful sob slipped past my loose lips, as I fell sideways and curled into a fetal ball; giving myself 'the mother of all self-hatred' lashings before falling into a tear-induced sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I woke to a very unwelcome tapping, I groaned and tried to roll over, but found my body was immensely stiff and sore. I groggily squinted my aching eyes and found my nose pressed up against the cold, hard wall. I groaned in pain as the tapping commenced again, causing my head to swell with a sharp throbbing pain.

"I'm up, I'm up." I grunted into the door.

I crawled to the other side of the door and cracked it open an inch to find a amused-looking Carlisle staring down at me, "Umm… here." He mumbled still staring wide eyed at my pathetic ass on the floor as he handed me the phone.

I eyed him questionably, but he just shrugged, shook his head and turned away.

"Hello." I cleared my throat after noticing with my own ears how parched I sounded.

"Isabella Swan?" At the mention of my full name, I perked up considerably.

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is Emmett's nurse, Jessica! I'm calling from the hospital. They think he has an infection and are…"

I didn't let her finish, "I'll be right there." I stammered as I jumped up and grabbed my coat and keys.

I scribbled a short note for Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and flew out the front door in a frenzy.

"Emmett Swan." I huffed at the startled nurse who looked bored and annoyed at my interruption.

She tapped away at her computer, her nails clicking sharply on the keys as I paced in a circle in front of her, he had to be okay, he just had to be. I assured myself.

Just when I thought I might jump out of my skin from waiting, she looked up at me and smiled tightly, "They just moved him upstairs to a private room. He's on the fourth floor in room four-oh-three."

I mumbled a quick 'thank you' and scurried off in the direction of the elevators.

I flew out of the elevator the second the door opened like I had a firecracker stuck to my ass. My breathing was ragged, my heart pounding with my sanity hanging by a very thin nerve.

"Room four-oh-three" I grunted nastily at the first nurse I came across. She acted a little taken aback but showed me to his room anyway.

"Emmy." I gushed as I floored it into his room, grimacing at the position I caught him in, lying on his stomach, bare butt up for the whole world to see.

"What the hell, Em?" I groaned.

Emmett's booming laughter shook the windows as he flipped his self over and grinned ear to ear at me.

"Hey, baby girl, what chu doing here?" He slurred, still grinning like an idiot.

"He's a little spaced right now from the pain meds we have him on." I spun to find a young female doctor, fighting to hold back her chuckles as Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"I see, well, in that case… I won't chew your head off too much then." I cocked my eyebrow in Emmett's direction letting him know he wasn't getting off that easily.

He sobered slightly and sat stone faced on the bed waiting for one hell of a morality lashing.

Lucky for him I was feeling generous so said lashing never came.

The doctor explained that Emmett appeared to have a very mild infection… likely due to not changing the dressing on his stitches often enough. I growled audibly at that. What the hell had his nurse been doing all this time? If she hadn't even been changing his freaking padding?

She assured me it was minor and that they had him on a very large dose of antibiotics intravenously as well as pain meds for any discomfort he may be feeling.

"Nurse Stanley is in the waiting room if you want to speak with her." She finished off raising her eyebrows at me. Good, I thought, that bitch was in for one hell of an ass tearing.

"Thanks so much! And, yes, I do think I will talk to her. Em, will you be okay?"

His eyes shot to the cute nurse just entering the room with a tray full of food then back to meet my ever knowing ones, "Oh, yea!" He groaned disturbingly. I frowned, walking briskly out the door in the completely wrong mind-set to be dealing with an imbecile like Jessica Stanley.

Jessica jumped from her chair the moment I walked into the waiting room. "Is he okay? What did the doctors say? They were so sketchy with me, like really, I'm his home nurse, what's the problem with letting me know what's going on right?!" She rolled her eyes and smacked her chewing gum annoyingly.

"So really, are you going to tell me what's going on? It's probably nothing. That's what I told Emmett, but he insisted I bring him here anyway." That snotty little brain-dead bitch had the nerve to huff and cross her arms as if he had done something wrong.

Deep breaths, Bella; calm down. Don't let your anger get the better of you.

"Umm… like hello! Are you even listening to me?" Stupid bitch who wants her face smacked around spat nasally at me.

Remember, Bella, deep breaths. I glanced sharply at her annoyed expression. Fuck, calming down, that bitch is going down.

"Outside, I want to talk to you outside." I hissed, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her towards the sliding doors.

"Ouch, nails!" She whined. I ignored her. Actually I didn't; I dug them in a bit deeper.

"How fucking dare you talk to me like that? Do you have any idea what the ramifications could be because of your negligence with my brother?" I growled, trying to keep my temper in check and my voice as low as possible.

"_Me_? I'm not the one who insisted we go to the hospital." She argued, clearly much stupider than I originally thought. I snorted.

"You're fired. And don't you worry; I'll be making sure _your_ boss hears about this. Every last thing about this." I spat a little louder than I had wanted apparently, because curious passersby glanced our way warily. My finger shook in her face and I slanted my eyes, nasty words hanging on the tip of my tongue, but I choked them back, gave her one last warning look and stormed back into the hospital, leaving a tearful, scared looking Jessica standing in the cool, chilly night air.

* * *

"Come on, just try it." I pleaded, putting on the best puppy dog face I could muster up.

Edward had been rather cranky since my rather impromptu leave in the middle of the night.

And ever since the little show he and his WIFE had put on in the yard the other day, I hadn't felt very talkative. Sooo… that left us playing pool in silence. Well, actually me playing pool, while Edward sat in his chair scowling at me as I tried desperately to get him to smile and at least attempt a small conversation. One that didn't involve my brother or his wife.

I bent backwards, leaning my back on the pool table, the cue behind my back and prayed I got this in, then I could do my happy dance and as embarrassing as it was, I was sure it would bring a smile to Edward's stone-set face.

I didn't move a muscle as I watched anxiously as the ball slid down the table, clanked with another ball into the eight ball, taking a sharp breath as the eight ball budged ever so slightly toward the pocket, I held my breath in as it wavered at the hole. Kaplunk.

"Oh yea, I did it, I did it." I sang as I wiggled my butt back and forth, the cue in both hands high above my head and a huge grin plastered across my smug face.

I halted mid-dance, "Why, holy shit, is that a smile I see on that gorgeous face of yours?" I asked humorously.

"Ha ha, aren't you a funny girl. And yes, who could resist laughing at that atrocity of a dance?"

I scowled at him.

"Kidding, kidding." He chuckled as he held his hands up.

I couldn't help but join in his laughter. It was nice to talk to him again without all the tension.

I was still kind of upset about the other day. But really I knew I had no reason to be and my attitude was not making our working relationship any easier so I let it drop. I had bigger things to worry about. Like Emmett. I know the doctors said it was nothing to worry about and they were likely right. But now I had bigger problems; like finding a new home nurse for him by tomorrow when he was supposed to be released from the hospital.

"I missed this." I whispered softly.

I bowed my head in embarrassment and held my breath when I heard Edward shuffle towards me.

"Me too." He said softly as he gently pulled my chin up and looked into my eyes.

My breath hitched as my heart beat sped up to almost double its normal rate. His sweet, minty breath washed over me, leaving me dazed and disoriented.

"Bella." His voice was so soft with a hint of huskiness to it, my knees wobbled slightly at the sound.

"Uh, huh." I mumbled.

"I. think. I'm. going. To. Kiss. you."

I almost fainted as he whispered each word, one by one.

"Oh." I breathed as his face inched closer and closer to mine. My lips parted as my eyes fluttered closed just before Edward's soft, moist lips touched mine. It wasn't a deep kiss, but it was mind-blowing. I saw stars under my lids and my heart damn near leapt from my mouth as a low sigh like groan slipped out in its place.

"Oh, God!" Edward groaned as he pulled away and placed a chaste kiss to my forehead, pulling me close to him and holding me tight.

I marveled in the warmth and comfort that radiated from him into me. Never could I remember feeling so safe, so right and so complete. Man I was in deeper than I thought.

I fell asleep that night rather giddy and for the first time in a long time absolutely exhausted and anxious to get to sleep so the morning would come and I could see Edward again. And with a huge shit eating grin I did just that, fell into a deep sleep filled with dreams of green eyes and soft kisses.

* * *

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with a craving for something sweet. I slipped out of bed with visions of cookies and ice-cream dancing in my head.

I scoured the cupboards for any kind of treat, huffing at each one as I came up empty.

I plopped onto one of the bar stools and growled, if I were a cookie, where would I be?

"Looking for these?" I almost fell off the stool as I spun around to find an amused looking Carlisle laughing while holding out a container full of none other than peanut butter, macadamia nut cookies. I swooned at the sight and snatched the container from his hands.

"Oh my, thank you so much." I gushed as I bit greedily into one.

"Esme hides those things down here, I don't know why. She thinks it will deter her from eating too many sweets."

I snorted, "Why would she want to do such a thing?" Carlisle shrugged with a smile and bit into a cookie himself. Groaning in appreciation.

"So, Esme wants to have a sort of welcome home party for Edward. Nothing huge, just some close friends and colleagues."

"If you don't mind me saying, but I don't think that is the best idea." I said shyly. Hoping I wasn't over stepping my bounds, but wanting Carlisle to understand Edward wasn't completely better.

"Esme is rather persistent you see. And you've done an amazing job with him. It's almost like he's back… _almost_." His voice trailed off and he got a faraway look in his eyes momentarily before shaking his head and grinning warily at me. "You know I wanted to shut off the machines. I had mourned for my son. I was ready to let go. They said he'd probably never wake up. I remember the night I said goodbye to him, I was watching him in that bed, he already looked so disconnected, like he wasn't really there. I signed the papers and everything. I agreed to let him die, I almost killed my son." The anguish and shame in his voice was heavy, I immediately felt for the man, it must have been so hard for him to go through. Wait! Did he just say he signed the papers? Then…

"But you didn't"

"No… Because Esme wouldn't allow it. She just couldn't accept it. She snapped on the doctors and nurses and even threatened to leave me if I went through with it. She's the only reason he is here today. She deserves this." He was speaking so quietly now I had to strain my ears to hear him. I watched silently as a single tear slid down his face, as he swatted at it he reminded me to put the cookies back where we had found them so Esme wouldn't find out we had been sneaking snacks in the middle of the night.

* * *

The next morning I stayed in my room rather late, making phone call after phone call trying to find someone, anyone who would take on Emmett at such short notice.

Thirteen calls and no luck later I sat on hold with the last possible option as my phone beeped.

"Hello."

"Bella, hey, how are you? You're darn hard to get a hold of you know. You should really return your phone calls, missy. One more unanswered call and I would have had to march my butt down there and kick some sense into you." Alice chirped obviously not upset with me but wanting me to feel bad either way.

"I'm so sorry, Alice; just so much has gone on. First Angela came to visit then your brother's wife showed up and then the hospital called and Emmett is there and he's doing fine but now I can't find a home nurse for him and he gets released today, I just don't know what I'm going to do. If I can't find someone I am going to have to quit here and that would leave Carlisle and Esme with no notice and I'd feel awful and…"

"Whoa…. Bella, slow down, honey. No need to get so worked up. As for Angela's visit. I am sure that was somewhat pleasant so we'll move on to the next. Audrey? What the hell was she doing there? That bitch, I can't believe she had the nerve. Is Edward okay? He's not too upset, is he?"

"Umm, no…I don't think so." I stuttered, mixed feelings flooding through me. Why was Alice so upset? Did Audrey do something to hurt Edward? She is his wife after all so it can't be that bad or he would have divorced her, right! And why did Alice sound so angry when she spat her name?

"Good, I'm glad she didn't get to him. Ever since the accident she has tried relentlessly to get her grubby little fingers all over Edward's money. Even after she signed the divorce agreement. I guess she was hoping he'd never wake up and just get to keep it all. Money-grubby-sleazy-nasty bitch." Alice mumbled. It shocked me to hear her chime like voice so full of venom and spouting such vulgar language.

"Alright then, on to the next issue. Emmett! I can get you a home nurse. Just make sure he is at the house for dinner tonight. We can be super nice to him so he feels more at home. He is okay, right?"

"Yes, he is, Alice. Just a minor infection. They had him on some antibiotics overnight, I called just over an hour ago and they assured me he is doing fine and I can pick him up after lunch."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. So, what happened to his home nurse anyway?" She asked, curiosity lacing her voice.

"Long story, Al. I'll tell ya later. Let's just say she's a slimy pathetic excuse for a human, never mind someone I trust my brother's life with." I growled into the phone, once again remembering Jessica's moronic words from the other night.

"Okay, so dinner at six, don't be late and don't forget that hunk of a brother of yours." Alice sang merrily. I could just picture her bouncing around on the other line.

I chuckled. "Okay, see you then."

**A/N ~ Hope you liked this, so sorry for the long wait, but I made it an extra long chap to make up for it.**

**Please review!!!!! BTW only 2 more chaps left for this story….ekkk!!!!!**


	15. Welcome back and goodbye again

**A/N ~ So here it is peeps, last chap before the Epilogue…. hope you enjoy, grab a snack or a drink maybe even a smoke, it is one long ass chap!!!!**

**Minor lemon warning********

**Uber thanks to my amazing, ego boosting beta TwiDi!!!! Oh the wonderful words she whispers to my sorry ass :)**

**So yea this is a T rated fic so please bear with me. I have NEVER written a lemon that I have had to tame down before…so it may seem seriously PG cheesy, sorry. I love a god lemon as much as the next gal… but….. again this is rated T.**

**Soooo….In case my wonderful readers actually want a good, juicy lemon I propose this. If I get **_**at least**_** FIFTY reviews from you wonderful readers, stating that you would not at all be offended by me posting a steamy, leg-clenching lemon in lieu of the next chap… I'll do it… just for you :-)**

**If not that's cool too. I'll just post the Ep as planned.**

**PS- Grab a tissue the end of this chap is a bit of a tear jerker.**

**Chapter 14 – Welcome back and goodbye again**

**BPOV**

I was finally feeling a little better; trusting that what Alice said was true, I had nothing to worry about. Audrey was Edward's ex and she knew the perfect person to fill in as Emmett's home nurse.

"Hey! Wanna go do something? Please!" Edward pleaded with fear in his eyes.

"Ummm… sure. But is everything okay, Edward?" The way his eyes kept darting back and forth was a sure indication that something was indeed wrong, but what?

"Just come on let's go, I'll tell you on the way." He grunted, peaking his head out my door and looking both ways before dragging me down the hall.

He stopped at every doorway, glancing around nervously. I was starting to find this rather amusing and finding it very hard to contain my giggles.

As we broke out the front door, I burst into a hysterical fit of laughter, "Wh… what was… that all about?" I gasped, as a few tears escaped my lids.

Edwards's eyes were dancing with fear and mild amusement, "Well, since you find this so amusing, why don't I hide out, out here and you can go in there and see if my sister needs any help getting stuff ready for our infamous dinner tonight?" Edward spat, I worried momentarily I had offended him, but as his face broke into lopsided grin, I knew he was just messing with me.

"Is there a reason why we wouldn't want to help your sister and mother?" I questioned warily.

"Edward, are you out here? I need help picking the right color of dishes, napkins, the stem ware and… hey! I can see you, get your butt over here." Alice hollered excitedly.

"Hurry, let's get out of here."

I didn't even wait for an explanation as I floored it down the driveway, my heart pounding with exhilaration.

"You'll learn one day to always be absent whenever a party of any sort is being planned." Edward chuckled, his eyes alight with amusement.

"I'll take your word for it." I groaned. Alice's excited voice as she rambled about napkins and stem ware reverberating in my head.

"So, do you mind telling me where _we_ are going?" I asked timidly, suddenly conscious of the fact that I was now alone with Edward and extremely close to his God-like body in my tiny little car.

"Hmm… good question. How about… we go to your place, since no one is there?" His voice was a little lower than normal and the look on his face made my stomach tie in knots.

Why would he want to go to my place, where we'd be alone, with no one else and nothing to do, unless… NO… that couldn't be it. Could it? No. Maybe… Screw it… I'm game to find out.

"Okay." I managed to squeak out.

Edward chuckled and put his arm on the arm rest beside mine. I had to constantly remind myself that I was driving and had to pay attention to the road, as I felt a slight spark ignite in my fingers as his warm large hand engulfed mine, entwining them together.

I giggled nervously and let my eyes wander momentarily to our hands; my cheeks reddening at the sight.

"Yea, I guess we could go there and hang out. There is a ton of cleaning that surely needs to be done since that Stanley bitch probably did nothing." I rambled, trying to make an excuse as to why I was agreeing to be alone with him without looking like some crazy, 'I –wanna –sex-you-up' obsessed nurse.

"Well, cleaning wasn't exactly what… wait did you just say Stanley? As in 'Jessica Stanley'?"

"Yeah, do you know her?" I asked incredulously. How would someone as perfect and proper as Edward know someone as dim-minded and pathetic as Jessica Stanley?

Edward groaned, "I guess you can say that, she was my nurse before my Dad went to get you."

I snorted, "I guess you really did need me then."

"More than you'll ever know." Edward mumbled, staring off out the window. I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear that, but either way I had no clue what to say to that, so I pretended I didn't; leaving my insides to quiver in wonder.

-----------------

"So yeah, this is my place." I waved my hand around timidly as we entered my home, worried that Edward might find my place a little too quaint compared to what he was used to.

"It's nice, definitely screams Bella Swan lives here, with her annoyingly un-tidy brother." He chuckled. What was that supposed to mean? Was he saying I was a neat freak and there was no way I would never leave this kind of mess in my wake? Yikes, never mind, if he was either way, he was right!

"Umm… would you like something to drink? I'm not sure what's here. I'll just go check. Take a seat, please." I rambled nervously.

"There's water and wine and orange juice…"

"Wine would be perfect." I glanced at the clock, just after one, I guess drinking now wouldn't be so bad I thought as I grabbed two glasses, one for him and one for me.

I downed the first glass before I even finished pouring Edward's. I giggled as I filled my glass once again. Noticing that my hands were shaking slightly.

Calm down, Bella, it's just Edward. You see him every day, have been alone with him umpteen times, the only difference now is that he is in your place instead of his. I took a deep calming breath, plastered on a smile and walked into the living room.

"Here you go. I thought I'd join you in a drink before I tackle a bit of this cleaning." I said sheepishly, handing him his glass.

Edward chuckled and rolled his eyes as he raised his glass, "To new beginnings." I smiled.

Nodding my head I rose my glass as well, "Yes, to new beginnings." I chugged half the glass before breaking for a breath, Edward was watching me with a curious expression… one I wasn't sure how to read.

"You're not really going to clean, are you?" I fumbled for an answer as I gazed into Edward's slightly hooded eyes.

"Ummm… I… not… what? ....."

I was practically hyperventilating as Edward covered the two steps of space between us and gently took my wine glass form me. Placing it on the table and placing my hands in his.

My heart was beating rapidly, my chest constricting. Oh my God, was he going to…? Oh man, he is, calm down, Bella before you make yourself pass out. My eyes stayed open this time, I wanted nothing more than to watch his beautiful face as our lips connected. I was rewarded with the most erotic sight I had ever seen. His soft urgent lips pressed against mine, his forehead crinkled up and a small smile played on his tight lips as he kissed me chastely over and over again. I groaned as I felt his tongue sweep across my lips, looking for an entry way. I parted my lips willingly and sighed into his mouth as his sweet scent intoxicated me, his tongue swooshing with mine, tangling around in a soft intimate glorious dance.

I ran my hands up his soft, chiseled arms and laced my shaking fingers in his soft, gorgeous locks; tugging gently. His arms encircled my waist, pulling me gently into his form and into his rather obvious and large arousal.

I ground my hips into him involuntarily reveling in the feeling of him so close against me.

Edward hissed as his head fell forward before attacking my neck viciously with his mouth. I groaned as I began to take agonizingly, slow steps backwards, towards my room.

We fell to the bed completely entwined; my legs wrapped up in his, my arms around his neck his arms around my torso.

My fingers appeared to have a mind of their own as they danced down his chest and pulled his shirt off slowly.

I glanced at his face to make sure this was okay and was met with dark lust-filled eyes. I was momentarily lost in them and couldn't break my eyes off of him till my shirt was being lifted over my head blocking out my vision.

Within minutes we were both completely naked and lost in the intense feelings of desire and lust that were clouding the room.

"Oh, Edward." I panted as he slipped into me. Our bodies moving in sync, as if one. A sheen sheet of sweat glistened on Edward's chest as he peppered feather light kisses along my chin and up my cheek, stopping at the tip of my nose.

Our thrusts became frantic, slithering thrusts as I felt myself reach my climax.

"Oh…oh…yes…Edward….I'm….oh…my….soooooo good." I bellowed in ecstasy as he trembled above me reaching his climax before falling onto my chest breathing heavily.

I drifted into a blissful exhausted sleep curled into Edward's warm arms, my body pressed into his, not one inch of space separating us.

It was perfect, right and heavenly. I found myself praying I would never have to let him go.

**EPOV**

My lids were heavy as I was jarred from the most peaceful warm sleep I could remember.

I lay still with my eyes still closed basking in the glorious smell that surrounded me, what was that smell?

I felt something soft wiggle in my arms and smiled as I remembered what had transpired just a few short hours ago. Bella! Bella was the soft wiggling thing in my arms. It was Bella's smell intoxicating my every sense right now. Bella and I had made love; she felt the same for me as I did her.

I marveled at the wondrous feelings flowing through me, not ever remembering a time when a woman had been able to invoke such powerful, life altering feelings in me.

She was perfect. Kind, caring, loving and adventurous… and that smile, oh God, that smile made me weak in the knees every time I saw it. Was I in love with Bella? My eyes flew open as the realization dawned on me. I was! I was irrevocably, unconditionally head over heels, in love with Bella Swan.

A small gasp slipped past my quivering lips as they drew up into a gapping smile.

_Dingle dingle dingle. _What was that?

I strained to listen closer. Maybe Bella had wind chimes hanging in the house, yes that must be it!

Giggle giggle giggle. I knew that cute heart-stopping giggle.

My heart began hammering in my chest as I slowly slid out from under Bella and inched out of the bed as silently as I could.

The pitter patter of my feet slapping on the cool hardwood floor was deafening as I warily approached the living room.

I had to grab the couch to support me as I looked into the dark room and saw my dear sweet Isabelle sitting on the bay window, staring at me with such a sad longing in her beautiful eyes.

"Isabelle!" I whimpered as I shakily made my way across the room.

She nodded and smiled sadly at me, "Daddy, you have to let me go."

"I… I thought you were gone… where have you been? I haven't seen you in so long." I stammered as I reached a trembling hand towards her shimmering form.

"Edward, is everything okay?" I was momentarily blinded as a harsh light came on to reveal Bella standing in the doorway, completely glorious and breathtaking wrapped in nothing but the sheets from her bed.

I shook my head in confusion and glanced back at the now empty window sill.

My body began trembling violently; I felt so out of control, what was happening to me? Soft sobs wracked through me as I collapsed in a heap on the cool floor below me.

Bella was immediately at my side, her small arms wrapped around my shoulders as she hummed softly to me, whispering every so often that 'everything would be okay'.

Once my sobbing had ceased and I found my voice again; I pulled back a bit and looked into her compassion-filled worried eyes.

"You're _amazing!_ Do you know that?" I whispered, emphasizing on the 'amazing' as strongly as I could.

A plump tear slid down her cheek, I darted my hand out and swiped it away.

"I want nothing more than to show you how much I desire you. I tried. I really tried. But nothing. In my heart and mind I felt it, but, Bella, ohhhh." I moaned in agony, knowing what I was about to say would hurt her. "When… when we made love. I couldn't feel anything." I glanced worriedly into her glistening eyes; I could see the battle raging in them. Was she thinking I wasn't worth the pain? She should be; no one deserves to hear what I had just said to her. No one!

Bella pulled me even closer and sobbed into my chest, "We'll get the testing done. We'll figure it out. We'll make you better." Bella mumbled adamantly. And I believed every last word. Something told me Bella was the key, the one thing that could bring me back from whatever half-life I was currently teetering on.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV**

"How do I look?" Emmett asked snidely as he wiggled his eyebrows, "Good enough to say… I don't know… make a gorgeous blonde's heart speed up?" I giggled at his silly attempt of downplaying his actually self-consciousness.

"You look fabulous, Emmy. Now let's get going, Edward is waiting in the car."

"Why is Edward with you?"

"Ummm… he wanted to get out of the house. So, I brought him for the ride." I sputtered in embarrassment, hoping Emmett didn't catch the bright crimson that had spread across my face as I hurried out the door.

I could hear the wheelchair wheels behind me squeaking as Emmett wheeled behind me, but I never anticipated him running right into the back of my legs causing me to fall into his lap.

His strong arms held me tight, preventing me from any type of escape, "Bored huh! I'm not buying that bull crap. And what's with the blush. You got a thing for your hottie patient." Emmett cackled boastfully.

"No… of course not." I stammered.

"Ha! You do." Emmett yelled, tickling my sides.

"Bella's got a boyfriend, a sexy little boyfriend. Ooooooooohhhhhhh." Emmett began singing off key and swaying me back and forth. Nurses and other patients were now watching us curiously. Soft chuckles floating through the air at the insane spectacle my brother was causing.

"Stop. Please! I promise I'll tell you everything if you just stop embarrassing me." I hissed, slapping my hand over his mouth. His tongue lashed out and licked my hand. I smacked him playfully, "You're so gross." I groaned as I wiped my dripping hand on his shirt.

"And still you love me." He chortled as he gently pushed me off his lap, grinning ear to ear.

'Stupid brothers and their stupid shenanigans, always causing trouble, never think of how I'm feeling .Nooooo, that's asking too much.' I mumbled to myself as we made our way out of the hospital.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

We arrived back at Edward's just before six, perfect timing. I was so glad I had changed back at my place, 'cause I would never have been ready on time.

The kitchen was pure chaos, people were scampering about everywhere. Emmett made his way directly to Anthony, it amazed me how well he took to him. I don't think Emmett had ever really been around babies before so I was kind of wary when I heard him ask Alice if he could hold Anthony, but watching him now, giggling and making silly faces with him. I felt stupid for worrying, the two of them got along famously. Which really shouldn't have surprised me considering Emmett too was still a kid, an over-sized house-of-a-kid, but still… a kid.

"That was Rosalie, she's running a bit late." Alice chirped while snapping her phone shut.

"We should wait then." Esme said as she spun around and headed back into the kitchen with the bowl of food she had been carrying.

"No no, Mom, she said for us to start without her. She's not even in town yet. Apparently there was an accident on the highway and it's pretty back logged. She might be a while."

"Oh! Alright then. If you insist." Esme conceded hesitantly. She sure played the perfect hostess.

"So, Emmett, what do you do for a living?" Carlisle asked from across the table, staring wide eyed at Emmett as he shoveled forkful upon forkful of food into his gapping mouth.

"Before the fire." Emmett started with his mouth still full. I smacked his arm stopping him short and tightened my face into a warning look.

"Before the fire, I couched Football at the local high school." Emmett said proudly as he swallowed the last of his food, his face brightened as he spoke, but I knew him well enough to see the pain laced in there as well.

I knew he missed his players, but up until this very moment, watching him plaster on a cheerful smile and seeing the glint, the shadow of who he used to be sparkle in his eyes even though it was only momentarily. I finally understood the deep impact his illness had caused on his dreams. Emmett wasn't even a big dreamer, couching the local football teams was as far as his dreaming went and he couldn't even have that right now. My heart broke a little for my brother then. And I silently vowed to do everything in my power to help him heal as quickly as possible so he could resume his simple but pleasing life and once again wear that shimmering glow that suited him so well.

"So, Emmett, you like blondes?" Alice chirped shamelessly, as I choked on the piece of steak I had been chewing. Edward patted my back gently as I sputtered and coughed. "Thanks." I whispered. He nodded.

"I sure do. Tall blondes, short blondes, skinny blondes, any blonde as long as her personality meshes well with mine, I'm a goner." Emmett's booming laughter filled the room.

Carlisle chuckled but poor Esme looked like she was about to faint.

"I think what he means, in a funny, I'm just joking kind of way is, he has a preference for blondes." I put in desperate to make Esme more comfortable with the conversation.

"Nope. Not what I meant at all." Emmett spit out smiling in satisfaction with himself. That little fucker was enjoying this, torturing me purposely. I groaned and clenched my teeth together painfully to keep the vicious lashing I wanted to give Emmett at bay.

"Well, Rose just loves men with good body build, do you work out?"

"Nope, this is one-hundred percent natural Emmett, baby." Emmett chortled, while kissing his bicep. Oh, how I wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole. I felt my cheeks enflame and knew they must be a bright embarrassing shade of tomato right about now.

Edward chuckled softly beside me, "You know, love… that color on you makes me want to…" I coughed loudly as his fingers played up my thigh, gapping at him. "Edward, not in front of your parents." I scolded him in shock. Which elicited another chime-like chuckle from his grinning lips.

I noticed Alice sitting unusually quiet across the table from me eyeing Edward and I up knowingly. I silently pleaded with her to just let this go. Hoping maybe, just maybe, she would allow me the decency to answer her questions in private without their parents present.

A sly grin spread across her devious little face, "So, Bella, how are you and Edward getting along?" Alice winked as she glanced back and forth between Edward and I.

"Fine." I answered curtly.

"Just _fine_? I could have sworn I saw you two…."

"Hey, everyone, so sorry I'm late." A leggy, gorgeous blonde with the plumpest lips I have ever seen glided into the room just then, effectively interrupting Alice's surely embarrassing question.

"Hey, Sis, good to see you. Let me take your coat." Jasper shot out of his seat and embraced his sister lovingly. You could tell they must be very close. It reminded me of Emmett and myself.

"There's an open spot right there next to Emmett." Alice began, "Oh wait! I haven't introduced you to everyone yet. Rose this is Bella, Edward's nurse and my new best-friend." Alice giggled; I nodded my head, "Nice to meet you." I said quietly.

"And this is Emmett, Bella's jock brother. The one I told you about." Alice nudged Rosalie in the side.

We all sat there silently waiting for Emmett to say something, when he didn't I looked over anxiously at him, to find him gapping like a God-damn idiot. Drool was even pooling at the edge of his mouth. I elbowed him gently, "Emmett, say something you look like an overgrown buffoon." I hissed quietly.

"Oh… oh… I'm Emmett. You're… wow." Oh God! How creative. I cringed internally waiting for Rosalie to chew him out for being so idiotic. Instead I watched as her face broke into a gorgeous flirty smile.

"Why thank you, handsome. I don't think I have ever been referred to as a 'wow' before, but I must admit. I think I could get used to it."

The rest of the night went on in this same fashion Alice luckily had diverted her attention and cruel punishment Rose and Emmett's way, which sadly enough didn't seem to deter either one of them from their obvious and blatant ogling.

It appeared Rose was just as smitten with Emmett as he was with her. Hmm... I guess Alice was right after all.

"Listen, guys, as much as I am enjoying this disturbing reenactment of 'Wild Animals Mating Rituals from the discovery channel'. I'm beat." Edward announced, "Bella, can you please help me upstairs."

"Oh, yes, of course. "I mumbled awkwardly as I scooted out of my chair and put my arm out for him to hold.

I didn't miss the knowing look that evil fairy-like pixie gave me before rounding the corner to the stairwell. 'Evil little woman.' I accidentally muttered aloud.

"What was that?" Edward asked amusingly.

"Nothing. Just talking to myself." I chuckled.

After getting Edward all settled in in his room. I left him to go take a shower and get into my own pajamas telling him I would be back to check on him before going to bed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I tilted my head to the side trying to hear any noises coming from Edward's room. My shower had taken a bit longer than anticipated.

Emmett was staying the night in the room next to me and apparently found it comical to turn the water on in his room every time I attempted to get in the shower. Needless to say it took me almost two hours to complete the daunting task and it wasn't until I heard Rosalie tapping on Emmett's door that he finally gave up and allowed me a peaceful but very rushed shower.

"Edward, you still awake." I whispered into the room, the TV was on and I could see his still form lying on the bed, but wasn't sure if he was watching it or if he had fallen asleep watching it.

I moved towards the bed quietly and grabbed the remote off the corner of his bed. It hadn't escaped me just what he as watching. I knew immediately who the little girl on the screen was, smiling brightly while blowing out the candles on her cake. Isabelle. My heart clenched at the sight of her. So beautiful and full of life. Such a tragic loss.

I clicked the remote, leaving the room deathly silent and gently pulled the covers over Edward, "I didn't see it coming, why didn't I see it coming." I damn near jumped out of my skin at the sound of his tortured voice. I grabbed at my chest and sat down beside him on the bed. Running my fingers through his disheveled hair and humming as he fell to sleep, his tear stained face finally loosening up; leaving behind a relaxed and peaceful-looking Edward.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Ekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk."

"What the hell, Alice?" I shrieked as I took in my surroundings and found a bouncing Alice on the end of bed, jarring me from the sexiest dream EVER.

"Mom says she wants to have a welcome home party for Edward and I get to plan it." Alice ranted gleefully.

"You're doing what?" I mumbled groggily as I wiggled back into the warm, comforting safety of the blankets.

"You have to help me, Bella. We have so much to plan and no time. She wants it for next Friday. That only gives us six days, Bella, six days. I need a guest list, a caterer, invites, drinks and a bartender and….." I stopped listening to her crazy rant and let my eyes flutter closed, Edward's bright green eyes dancing beneath my eyelids. I smiled as I remembered how his lips felt against mine, the sweet taste lingering as I gently fingered my lips…

"Bella, are you even listening to me?" Alice huffed with her hands on her hips.

"Ummm… no?" I stuttered meekly.

"Fine, whatever. Rosalie is here now! She'll help me plan this. At least someone can appreciate a good party. Oh by the way, Emmett and Rose will be leaving soon." I stared at her confused, Emmett, leaving? Where to? "So you might want to get up and say goodbye to your brother." Alice snapped, still clearly peeved with me zoning out on her.

I groaned as she slammed the door shut and rolled out of my bed into the chilly air. Shivering; I scampered to the bathroom and started the shower.

Half an hour later, I opened my door to hear a loud-groaning Emmett. I followed his boisterous voice through the halls till I found him hunched over in the bathroom, cursing like a sailor.

"Em? What's going on?"

"Damn stupid socks, who the hell invented these things anyway? Like really, shoes do the same damn thing, why do we need to wear two sets of clothing on our God-damn feet?"

"Em, calm down. You're not making any sense." I cooed, trying to calm him, I slid my hand up his back and began rubbing it soothingly.

"Bells!" Emmett sniffed. "Do you know how un-manly it is that I can't even get my own fucking socks on?" I stifled a snort as I took in his serious, disgruntled expression.

"Give it time, Emmy, you're still sore from the infection. Stupid, slutty Stanley Bitch!" I huffed in aggravation. Emmett would be all healed up by now if it wasn't for her bullshit.

After Edward had explained what had transpired when Stanley had been his nurse. I had cornered Emmett and demanded the truth from him. Which he finally confessed when I threatened to throw his game systems over the balcony.

Apparently she had tried numerous times to seduce him. Even going so far as to withhold meals from him if he didn't give her the attention she was seeking.

I shuddered as he told me of all the foot rubs she had tortured him with and all the fake promises of forever and wild kinky sex once he was well enough. He also told me that she did indeed change his bandages but not before kissing and licking his wound, claiming saliva was the best solvent. Sick raunchy bitch!!!!

I was about to remind Emmett that none of this was his fault in anyway aside from the fact that he shouldn't have felt so guilty and called me right the hell away to put an end to that sick ass shit when Rosalie came clicking in the room.

"Holy shoes, Rose! How do you walk in those things?" I asked, completely bewildered at how she had made it all the way in here without falling in those death traps.

"Oh, silly Bella!" She laughed waving her hand dismissively at me, "These little old things. You should see my stilettos. Now those are some insane beauties to be worried about." She smirked as she walked up to Emmett and bent down to finish pulling up his socks for him.

Emmett groaned in protest, likely feeling like he was being treated like a baby, but watching Rosalie smack him playfully up-side the head and threaten him with 'loss of video games' made me smile. She was the perfect woman to keep my devious, trouble making, rule breaking brother inline.

"So we are heading out now." Rosalie began.

"Wait! Where are you two going?" I interrupted.

"Well, back to your place of course. Now obviously that isn't permanent. As soon as we get Emmett here back to his old self, I plan on having a little chat with his boss and getting him back on that field. Then of course there will be the grueling task of finding him somewhere decent to live. But give me a bit to complete all that. One thing at a time, right!" I stood stunned as Rosalie smiled at me, waiting for me to answer her. I felt such a kinship to her right then it made my heart swell. I threw myself at her and squeezed her as tight as I could.

"Umm… okay." She stuttered slightly surprised at my blatant display of affection.

"Thank you so much." I sniffled into her shoulder. "Thank you!"

"It's my pleasure, really!" She chuckled as she gently pushed me off of her and immediately wiping her shoulder.

"Sorry."

"No stains, no harm." She giggled. I smiled. I really liked this girl.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I was sitting on the front porch staring off into the dark sky, looking for any sign of stars. Living in the city didn't allow for much star-gazing, but I missed them and thought if I stared long enough sooner or later I might get the tiniest glimpse of one.

"What are you doing out here?" Edward silky-smooth voice broke my concentration, but I turned willingly and smiled up at him.

"Trying to find a star." I admitted sheepishly, heat snaking its way up my neck.

Edward chuckled, "Good luck with that. You're in the completely wrong place to find those, love."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I know, but you can't blame a girl for trying."

I scooted off the cold ground and wiped at my bottom as I turned to make my way back inside, Edward's warm arms snaked their way around my waist. His hot breath against my neck made me shiver, "How about we go take a walk on the beach and see if we can find those infamous stars there?"

My knees wobbled a bit as I clenched my eyes shut trying to control my raging hormones. My insides were like jelly as his large soft hands glided up and down my bare arms.

"Oh… sure… okay… yeah…" I stuttered breathlessly.

Edward laughed, "How about you go grab a sweater and a blanket." He suggested breathily against my neck.

I shot like a canon out of his arms, "Okay." I hollered as I darted in the house, the sound of Edward's amused laughter echoing behind me.

__________

"Oh, Edward… it's beautiful!" I gushed as we made our way across the silky sand. The waves were crashing gently against the shore; the sound of the lapping was music to my ears. There was nothing more comforting or serene to me than the sounds of the beach. I shivered in anticipation as my bare feet finally came in contact with the glistening sand, the moonlight shone brightly and made the sand glimmer and shimmer in just the right way. The feel of it beneath my feet and in between my toes was paradisiacal. I hummed in contentment as I swooshed my feet gingerly around in the soft smooth sand.

"Wow! If I would have known I could get such a passionate response out of you just by bringing you here… well, let's just say I would have brought you a long time ago." Edward chuckled softly as he laced his fingers through mine.

"You look so angelic under the moonlight." Edward's soft declaration pulled my attention away from the bright shimmering stars.

I decided just this once not to cave so easily and give him a bit of a hard time, "Are you telling me that unless the moon is out I don't look so hot?" I teased while flipping my hair over my shoulder and huffing irritably.

"No… wait! I… no… that came out wrong… really…" Edward halted his stuttering apology as he noticed the huge grin that broke out on my face.

"I know, Edward! I was just trying to rile you up. And it appears it worked perfectly." I purred as I leaned in closer to him, "But I must admit, the moonlight does bring out a little something extra." With that I crashed my lips against his and moaned softly as his arms wrapped around me securely.

Edward fell back onto the blanket pulling me along with him, I draped my leg over his waist and straddled him with a seductive little grin, "Oh, you naughty little nurse." Edward groaned.

"Uh hmmm. That I am." I giggled playfully as I tugged at his belt and undid the button on his pants. I could easily see his very aroused state from where I sat. My body immediately warmed at the glorious site.

"Someone is a little excited." I teased, brushing my fingers softly across his zipper eliciting the sexiest sound I had ever heard from Edward sweet, delectable lips.

Even I couldn't handle my teasing anymore as I wiped down his pants in a frenzy, crawling back up his now bare torso, smirking at him as I looked up at him from under my lashes.

As I passed his midsection I couldn't resist, my tongue flipped, "Oh God! Bella, your mouth…" I didn't get to hear the rest of his fragmented words because they were drowned out by our moans of ecstasy.

"Thank you, Edward. Tonight was absolutely perfect." He raised his head slightly and peered down at me.

"No, thank you for being so wonderful, you make every place we go to the most perfect place in the world."

A small tear slipped down my cheek at his words as I curled into Edward's warm body, cloaked in the intoxicating scent of him, his soft humming lulling me into a deep, amazing, Edward induced sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Wake up sleepy head." Edward's voice was the most amazing thing to wake up to and still I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes or tear my arms away from his smooth, rippled chest.

"Noooooo." I groaned as I buried my face further into the crook of his neck "Five more minutes."

Edward's soft chuckle reverberated through his body, gently shaking me awake.

"Good morning, Beautiful." I smiled up at him, "Yes, a good morning indeed." He kissed me chastely before pulling out from under me. "I hate to seem rude but I've been waiting for over an hour to go to the bathroom." Edward dancing about holding his crotch was too hilarious, I snickered as he staggered towards to port-o-potty and groggily got up and shook the sand from the blanket.

No matter how perfect the night had been, today was another day and life had to go on, which also included 'the party'; I had been dreading all week.

"So wrong." I heard Edward grumble as he stumbled out of the out house with his face scrunched up in disgust, holding his nose with one hand.

"I don't even want to know." I giggled, "I can definitely wait till we get home." I laughed as I grabbed his hand and led him towards the car.

It was already noon by the time we reached the house to find a frantic looking Alice, "Oh my God, Bella, where have you two been?" I opened my mouth to answer but she just waved me off.

"Never mind, I don't think I want to know…" She giggled mischievously as she glanced back and forth between Edward disheveled appearance and my wrinkled clothes.

"Edward, go make yourself presentable," Alice's small manicured fingers flicked in the direction of the stairs as she waved him off dismissively. "Guests start arriving at three, Bella, you can come with me. Eddie here picked the most adorable dress for you online and it arrived yesterday. I need to make sure it doesn't need any last minute changes."

"Wh… what?" I stuttered wide-eyed. Edward had picked a dress for me… why?

I looked speculatively at Edward; who just gave me a sneaky smile and slinked away to the safety of his room.

I spent almost two hours in Alice's makeshift chamber of horror as she poked and probed me; small needles sticking out from everywhere as I stood scared senseless in front of the mirror while Alice danced around me, placing pins here and there, humming and hawing with her face crunched up in scrutiny.

"Alice…" I whined in frustration. My legs felt wobbly from standing there for so long.

"Shhhh… Perfection takes time, Bella dear." Alice hissed.

I groaned and went back to watching the crazy pixie prance about. Instead my eyes wandered to the insane looking creature she had turned me into in a matter of hours.

I had dark shadow all around my eyes with a dominant black lining them. Alice had applied a plumping lip-gloss to my lips to apparently make them look poutier, a faint dust of glittery powder made my chest shimmer when the light hit it in just the right way. My hair was still up in large prickly curlers on top of my head and then there was of course my pin covered dress, midnight blue, with cascades of shimmering material draped over the middle. If anyone else but me had been wearing the dress it would have looked dazzling, but on my shapeless body, the beauty of the dress seemed to dull in comparison to that it had possessed as it had hung on the hanger.

Alice nudged me roughly, "Turn." She demanded in a mumbled voice because of all the needles sticking out of her tiny tight lips.

"Ouch, Alice! You stuck me." I grumbled as I reached down to rub the stinging pain now radiating from my hip. Alice slapped my hand.

"Quit whining, baby Bella, I'm almost done… TADA… perfection!" Alice spun me around and rapidly began dropping curlers to the floor, long bouncy curls sprang up in my face tickling my nose.

Alice wiped out a handful of bobby pins and commenced the poking and probing. Thirteen pokes, three tugs, six ouches and a satisfied hum later, Alice told me to close my eyes.

I happily obliged I couldn't even begin to imagine just how hilarious I looked and wasn't sure I wanted to know. 'Just lead me to the wolves, dear Alice, and let me loose', I thought wryly.

"Okay, open them." I saw Alice vibrating in excitement in the mirror. I leaned forward and looked beside her but found no one there. I looked back in the mirror then beside Alice again, repeating this process a few times over before Alice grabbed me by the shoulders jarring me to stop.

"What the hell are you doing, Bella?" She asked impatiently.

"Who… who's that?" I questioned warily while pointing at the gorgeous brunette in the mirror.

Alice shook with uncontained laughter, "Silly Bella, that's _you_ of course." Alice chided.

I stood frozen in amazement. That was me? Holy cow, that girl could work miracles.

"Wow." Was my genius reply.

"I take it, you like!" Alice sang happily. I hugged her gently, "I do, thank you so much, Alice." I choked.

"Damn, get off me if you're going to get all sappy and mess up your makeup." Alice hissed as she shoved me off of her.

"Sorry." I giggled, blinking back the tears.

"So, downstairs in twenty, I'll meet you there. I have to finish getting ready." Alice called over her shoulder as she pranced out of the room. "Oh and, Bella, your shoes are at the end of the bed."

Of course shoes were also involved I thought while tentatively peaking around the end of the bed, wondering what kind of hell on heels the pixie had left out for me. I was pleasantly surprised to find simple balk lace up dress shoes with only one inch thick heels. I sighed in relief as I struggled to get them on before making my way to check on Edward.

I tapped softly on his door.

"Come in." Edward grunted from the other side f the door.

I pushed the door open to find a frustrated looking Edward struggling with his tie.

I snickered, "Come here, you." I chuckled as I pulled him by the tie and began doing it up and straightening it.

"There you go." I smiled as I looked over my handy work.

"You look… breathtaking." Edward swooned as he eyes danced up and down my body. I blushed nervously at the attention he was paying to my prominent cleavage.

"Yeah well, your sister can make even the clumsiest duckling into a gorgeous swan."

"Oh no, my lovely, this is all you." Edward moaned appreciatively.

"Well, we had better get you downstairs. Your guests are waiting." I scolded playfully.

"Can't we just stay up here, alone." Edward suggested huskily as his glorious fingers brushed down my sides, before grabbing roughly at my hips.

"Oh God, Edward… your fingers feel so good." I breathed huskily as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

"Mmmm, let me show you what else they can do." Edward's voice came out in a deep guttural groan that made my head swim with naughty thoughts, all having nothing to do with the room full of people waiting downstairs.

"So… hard… to say no… when you're… doing… agggg." I muttered incoherently as he trailed soft wet kisses down my neck and on my shoulder.

"Then don't." His fingers were now slowly inching my dress upwards, reaching my bare thigh, "Oh, Edward."

"Hurry up in there you two. I mean it. No hanky panky till after the party." Alice barked through the door.

Edward groaned and rolled his eyes, "I guess this little party for two will have to start later than I'd like." I giggled and kissed his cheek.

"Get going, I'll be down in a second I just need to fix my makeup." I swatted his cute butt as he headed for the door giggling like a young school girl.

Edward growled as he closed the door softly behind him.

I quickly checked my makeup in the bathroom and reapplied the tube of gloss Alice had given me, smacking my lips in the mirror in satisfaction before I took a few deep calming breaths trying to tame the rabid butterflies that were relentlessly chewing at my weak stomach.

You can do this, Bella, Edward needs you. Those people are NOT better than you. Just richer. My little pep talk did little to calm my nerves but the loud booming laughter I knew belonged to Emmett floating up from downstairs gave me enough courage to open the door and make my way to the landing.

The party was in full swing as I peered over the landing down at the smug looking suit wearers and skanky looking money grubbers flittering around and drinking from insanely expensive wine goblets.

I clung tightly to the rail as I took one step at a time, my eyes glued to the stairs, silently willing them to grant me a get out of embarrassment free card and gracefully letting me make my way down the stairs without incident.

As I reached the last stairs I scanned the room for Edward. I finally spotted him in the corner smiling and laughing with some tall, leggy red-head. Jealously flared up in me in surmountable amounts. I held the railing in a death grip urging my raging emotions to calm enough so I could make my way to Edward and stake my claim.

Edward must have sensed me glaring daggers at him and the red-head cause his head jerked up and his eyes held mine as a bright smile flashed across his lips. He nodded at me and motioned for me to join him.

I was about to make my way across the room when Carlisle clinking his glass interrupted me, I quickly grabbed a glass of wine from a server who was hustling by me and listened intently as Carlisle called for a toast.

"I'd like to make a toast to my son, Edward. To family, good health and long lives." Carlisle raised his glass and smiled. I smiled thinking of his words as well and looked over at Edward.

He had a strange look on his face and it appeared he was staring at something behind me. I looked back to the stairs but saw no one there. I glanced curiously at him and shrugged as his face contoured into one of pain and his hands flew up to clutch his head as he whispered "I'm sorry!" Right before he collapsed onto the floor.

A small scream erupted from somewhere deep within me as the precious expensive glass slipped from my fingers and I flew numbly across the room.

I vaguely heard someone yelling to call nine-one-one as I fell to Edward's side and pulled his head into my lap.

"Edward, can you hear me, Edward!" I wailed as tears began streaming down my face. My body was shaking violently, my vision blurred, my chest constricting painfully as cold hands gently pried me from Edward's body.

"Save him, please." I mumbled in a daze as I watched horror stuck as the paramedics loaded his very pale, unconscious form onto a gurney and hulled him out the door.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I sat in the cold hard chair of the hospital waiting room, numb and drained. My face was stained with long dried tears. My fingers were trembling in my lap as I twirled a loose thread on my coat around my finger over and over again.

Hours passed in silence with nothing but the normal hospital sounds to distract my raging mind.

I leaned over and held my throbbing head in my hands as a fresh bout of tears sprang from my eyes as I thought about all the things I'd never get to say to Edward, but mostly that I had never once told him I loved him. Even though I had known for so long now that I did indeed love him with everything in me.

I choked on a sob as I imagined him saying those wonderful heart-stopping words back to me.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" I jumped from my seat when I head Dr. Masen's grave tone.

"I just spoke with the doctors; he has a massive hemorrhage in his brain." I heard Esme gasp and Carlisle choke slightly. As I watched with watering eyes as Masen ran his fingers through his hair. I knew from experience what he was going to say next was worse than what he had just said. I just couldn't imagine anything worse than a brain hemorrhage.

I took a deep breath bracing myself for whatever was to come, but nothing could prepare me for Dr. Masen's next words. "Apparently he has been bleeding for quite some time now and it is possible that the bleeding has been causing the visions and affecting his sense of touch as well, but… he's slipped back into the coma. I'm so sorry."

"Wh… what. do. we. do. now?" Esme sputtered through deep sobs.

Dr. Masen sighed, "We wait."

Two hours later Esme had calmed down enough to actually form proper words and heart wrenchingly enough her first words to me were, "Thank you for waiting with us, Bella, you can go home now. We want some time alone with our son."

I bowed my head as tears formed at the corners of my eyes, turned and shuffled my way to the elevator feeling detached and broken.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bella, what are you doing here? We thought you'd be at the hospital." Emmett asked his brows furrowed in confusion.

"I… they… go… coma…" My mind was reeling, and forming the sentence Emmett wanted to hear was too painful for me, so instead chunks of words fell from my lips as I swayed slightly as the room began spinning. Long slender strong fingers grasped my sides and maneuvered me towards the couch where I gratefully plopped my trembling body and stared off into space.

One too many painful questions later I snapped, "He's in a coma again, okay. Now leave me the fuck alone." I growled as I stormed off into the bathroom, tearing off my clothing and stepping into the freezing cold stream of water, my teeth chattered as I slumped to the cold surface of the tub and hummed a beautiful, painful melody.

I hadn't noticed how cold I was until Rosalie tapping softly on the door tore me from my pretty little fantasies, ones of Edward and me, holding a child of our own, everyone healthy and happy.

"Bella, Angela's here, she says it's urgent." Rosalie coaxed softly.

Just reaching for the faucet to turn the freezing cold water off was immensely painful, but I welcomed the pain, in fact I reveled in it. If Edward was in pain then I wanted to share that pain too.

I crawled out of the tub and barely dried my goose fleshed skin before throwing my dress back on and shuffled out the door right into a started looking Angela.

"Oh my God, Bella, you're trembling." Angela gasped and snaked her arm around my waist to help hold me up. "And freezing, what were you doing in there?"

"Showering." I mumbled simply.

"Listen; come join me on the balcony for a smoke. Okay, sweetie." Angela sounded like she was talking to a suicidal maniac, I couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that floated up my throat and out of my mouth as I walked past a shocked looking Emmett and a tight faced Rosalie.

I sucked the sweet nicotine in greedily as Angela slid the patio door closed.

"Masen called me." Angela hedged softly. "He said he couldn't get a hold of you." She continued in an off tone. I looked up at her skeptically, what was she trying to tell me, I wished she'd just spit it out already and leave me to wallow in misery alone. "And?" I asked harshly.

Angela filched slightly at my harsh tone, "He said that Edward won't make it through the night." Small glistening tears pricked at Angela's eyes as her voice wavered.

Cold hard reality punched me in the gut as what she said hit me like a ton of bricks. Edward was going to die and I never even said goodbye.

I gaped in shock as Angela put her hand on top of mine, staring at her hand I whispered, "I can't feel anything." Sobs wracked through me as I stumbled towards the door fumbling with the handle and yanking it open.

"Bella, where are you going?" Angela called frantically from behind me.

"I have to say goodbye." I sobbed as I grabbed my keys and ran towards the door.

I was punching furiously at the buttons for the elevator when Angela came barreling into me, "Wait…" she huffed, out of breath "I'll drive you."

"Okay." I didn't care how I got there I just knew I had to get there, NOW! The intense pull was so strong now. It was almost painful. I needed to see him with my own eyes, feel him with my own hands. Kiss him with my own lips before I could accept our fate and let him go.

**A/N ~ Hope you enjoyed that, please review!!!!**


	16. Epilogue Kiss of feeling

**This is it all….the end of the story…I must admit I am sad to see it go, but I do hope you all enjoyed it. I will be posting a poll on my home page to see if the interest is there for a sequel…if it is I'll start working on it soon, if it's not..well it's been an amazing journey with you all. Thanks for all the amazing reviews, all the support and kind words, not to mention all the favorites, alerts and pm's I got. You're all just so great.**

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**Once again a huge shout out to my amazing beta TwiDi, you rock girl!!!!!**

**Chapter 15 – Kiss of feeling**

**EPOV**

The air was warm and humid. A thick layer of dew covers the lush grass below my feet and the fog is so thick I can barely see a foot in front of me.

Not the nicest weather, but none of that matters, cause the atmosphere here is surreal, I felt like I'm walking on thin air, my feet are gliding across the grass, an invisible force pulling me towards it.

Like a siren's call, I am drawn to it, it is an almost painful journey as the invisible electric current hums stronger the closer I get.

I see a figure looming ahead of me in the fog, I know immediately it is the source of the intense pull and break out into a gentle gallop anxious to be near it, touch it. As I move forward a huge smile breaks onto my face, it's Isabelle and she's glowing and shimmering… and maybe even floating. Everything is so foggy, in this world, in my mind so I'm not sure but I very well might be hallucinating. It's not like this would be the first time.

"Daddy" Isabelle squeals as she runs forward and leaps into my arms. It's such an amazing feeling, her in my arms.

I can smell her shampoo and inhale the scent greedily, relishing in the smell I had long ago forgot.

I can feel her tiny little heartbeat thumping against my chest as I lift her into my arms, cradling her tightly.

"Oh, Isabelle, I've missed you so much." I sob as tears cascade down my cheeks and land in her luscious bouncy curls.

"I've missed you too, Daddy." She squirms from my grasp and looks into my eyes, her tiny hands grasping either side of my face gently, "I've been watching you, I'm always with you, Daddy. But you have to let me go, so you can live."

My heart tugs in my chest as a painful sob rips through it. "I'm not so sure that's what I want." I whisper guiltily, reminding myself once again that it is my fault she isn't with me. Wanting nothing more than to stay here with her, to hold her, kiss her and tuck her in at night for the rest of time.

"I know, Daddy, I know." And in this moment I felt like our roles have been reversed; that she is the parent comforting me and I am the child grasping desperately at the chance to be held and loved, and to feel whole again.

**CPOV**

Esme's heart wrenching sobs echoed through the small, green room. My chest constricted painfully as I held her tight staring blankly at my son's motionless form, he looked so peaceful. A small smile splayed on his deathly pale lips. Maybe he's dreaming. He looks so happy.

A stray tear slipped from my watering eyes and pooled by my trembling chin.

I didn't think it would be so hard this time, I had already said goodbye to my son two years ago. Mourned for him and let go. Only to have him shake up my carefully crafted world by ever so magnificently re-entering it a year later. I thought this time I had all the time in the world to spend with him, to watch him learn to live all over again, a second chance at being a father only for the universe to once again so cruelly snatch him away from me. To thrust him back into the dark, isolate world he had so miraculously escaped.

The only difference this time was the doctors weren't giving us any hope, at least last time they told us he could maintain his life hooked up to machines infinitely until he woke, this time they assured us he would never wake, in fact we'd be lucky if he made it through the night.

Esme was crushed, as any mother would be, but she had been so sure he was getting better, almost back to his old self as she had put it. I knew better though. I just couldn't bring myself to burst her happy little hopeful bubble, I had been watching him ardently these past few weeks since we brought him back home. And if I was being honest with myself, I could always see the signs, the faraway look in his eyes, he always seemed like he belonged somewhere else, so out of place. As if he were here in body but his spirit was already somewhere else.

The sharp high pitched scream of Edward's heart monitor jerked me from my thoughts. Esme's whole body trembled violently as she lurched from my arms and sprang towards Edward's bedside, grasping his hand and howling in agony as she burst into a fresh bout of tears.

"No, no, no. Not my boy." She wailed as I snaked my arms around her shaking shoulders and pulled her into my chest. My own eyes giving away my fake calm façade as a floodgate of tears wisped down my cheeks.

"He's in a better place." I whispered as a nurse came barreling through the door, followed closely by the doctor.

I watched numbly as they checked his vitals then begin artificial resuscitation. Even through my blurring vision I did not miss the look they exchanged as the doctor nodded towards the nurse and told her to call the time of death.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, he's gone." I barely heard the Doctor past the three little words repeating over and over in my head, Seven-thirty-three, seven-thirty-three, seven-thirty-three.

The doctor placed his hand on my arms and smiled apologetically as the room door smashes open and a frantic looking Bella barrels into the room, She gasps loudly as she shuffled towards Edward's lifeless body, soft moans now filling the room as she laid her head on his chest, her sobs resounding through the deathly silent room.

I wasn't terribly shocked to find Bella so torn up about Edward's death really; I had always known there was something more there to the two of them than either let on. I just hadn't pushed for information, content that she made him happy in whatever level she was in his life.

I almost feel like I am intruding as I watch her climb up onto the bed and curl into Edward's side, placing his limp arm around her shoulder and placing a soft lingering kiss on his lips before whispering ever so softly, "I'm sorry, so sorry for taking so long to get here." Tears now soaking her distraught face.

**EPOV**

I'm walking hand in hand with Isabelle through the lush, vast field, she's smiling and so am I. This moment is so perfect I don't want to ever let it go but Isabelle tells me she has something to show me.

Many silent peaceful minutes later we reach the edge of the field, I am now looking down into a valley, a beautiful bright valley. I can see small houses and beautiful flowers, people strolling leisurely through the streets. A single form is walking up the hill towards us; I tighten my hold on Isabelle's hand protectively and stagger back as I make out the forms face. "Grandpa!"

"Yes, Edward, it's me." His smile is so bright it hurts my eyes. I'm now sure I must be dreaming and my head starts to feel fuzzy and light.

I feel a sharp intense tingle on my lips and gasp softly as I place my shaky finger to them.

Isabelle smiles "See I told you so." She sings gleefully, to which my Grandfather just smiles and nods. "I believed you." He chuckles. I watch their exchange in bewilderment.

Isabelle pulls her small soft hand free from mine and turns to face me; I lower myself to my knee and pull her into a warm hug. She smiles at me as a single tear slips down her face.

She waves her arm around her, gesturing to the small valley, "I'll be here with Grandpa waiting for you, when the time is right." Her eyes are gleaming as I begin sobbing; the implications of her words hitting me like a wrecking ball.

"I… I don't want to go back… I want to be here with you." My words come out more as inaudible sobs, but Isabelle appears to have heard me just fine.

"And you will be, Daddy, when it's your time, but it's not right now, Daddy. You have to go back and live." I know what she's saying is true, but I can't bring myself to leave her.

Again my lips begin tingling; I rub them with my cold fingers trying to rid them of the sensation.

"She's waiting, Daddy." Isabelle whispers as she backs away slowly holding my grandfathers hand and smiling, "I love you." The wind whispers at me in Isabelle's voice as she fades away and I am left in the dark blackness.

I curl my quivering body into a tight ball and lay on the dark floor; thousands of tears soaking my face as image after image of Isabelle play out in my tortured mind.

Then as if a bright light had been flicked on, I get it. It all makes sense now, well kind of. "Okay, Isabelle, I'm letting you go now, but I'll never forget." I whisper softly into the nothingness and just like that the dark begins to fade, bright white and pinks and luscious browns blind my eyes.

The lights are now painfully bright and I hear voices floating around me.

A soft voice floats above me, "I'm letting you go now." I'm not sure whose voice it is, but the words the heavenly voice whispers, tear at me painfully.

'_Don't leave me!'_ I cry out in my head, but I can't make the word leave my lips.

I clench my eyes shut tightly, trying to block out the offending painful light.

I hear a barely audible gasp to my right as my whole body starts tingling, something soft, warm and solid is beside me and it feels amazing.

My mind revels in the sensation, I can feel, I can feel something. I wonder what it is and know I have no choice I must open my eyes if I want to know.

A familiar, heavenly scent wafts around me as I inhale sharply, gasping for air, greedily sucking it in.

I roll my head to the side and smile as I look directly into the soft, surprised, glistening eyes of Bella.

"I can feel you!" I exclaimed softly as a huge glorious smile lights up her whole face.

**The end!**

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